One approach to acknowledgement is to use the scale below.

The most great and pleasure feeling is if we are acknowledged for who we are (+ BE). Just the fact that we are born into this world makes us a miracle worthy of love and attention.

Then it does not matter what or how we perform, we feel loved for who we truly are inside.

The Acknowledgment Scale

If we do not get attention and acknowledgement for who we are, and this is not by a long shot at all so commonplace, we tend to seek attention by doing instead. We become high performing individuals who receive attention as we make deadlines and tie up large projects, when we get good grades or score the most goals (+ DO).

If none of the above works to give us attention, a natural way to go becomes to not do, to get attention and acknowledgement. We fail to submit a report on time, then the boss notices med. I fail to go to school, then Dad sees me (-DO).

The last resort

As a last resort, we beome a non-being. We get some kind of non-identity, something that is not who we truly are, a troublemaker or vandal. The school's bad apple or the family black sheep. Then everyone will see us and we might even make headlines in newspapers (-BE).

Markus: When I give acknowledgement it is easy for me to slip down to the bottom half of the spectrum, if I'm not actively making sure to keep myself on the top half. In the everyday rush of thing, it easily happens that I put most emphasis on when my partner has not done something, such as forgotten something we agreed she would do.

There are even moments when my giving of acknowledgement and attention has slipped down to the bottom and I give her attention because she failed to live up to who I wished her to be. These are not moments that I am particularly proud of. Therefore I work actively to remind myself to acknowledge her for what she does and especially all the wonderful aspects of her as a person.

It is truly a gift to be acknowledged for who I am as a person. It creates for me a kind of inner peace, sometimes tears of being touched deeply and above all a huge invincible force. Jim Rohn, a wise man who was a famous American business philosopher (exciting title, huh), said: "A man who can feel his woman's arms around him after he has left the home in the morning, who can bring him down? He is invincible!".


Two men laughing and hugging

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