Have you thought about what a difference it makes when something comes to you from the heart instead of from the brain. There's an expression "to speak from the heart". How do you do when you speak from the heart? How do you know that you are speaking from the heart?

Have you thought about what a difference it makes when something comes to you from the heart instead of from the brain.

There's an expression "to speak from the heart". How do you do when you speak from the heart? How do you know that you are speaking from the heart?

Another term is "straight from the heart", which is often used in connection with something that was really honest and opened up new possibilities in relationships between people.

You have a wonderful guide inside you that can be your companion, your key to deeper, more loving and vibrant relationships. We would like to remind you of its existence and give some tips about how you can help your guide along.

Filippa: I've noticed that when I speak from the heart, it comes spontaneously and I often feel moved when I speak. Sometimes I feel close to tears but it can be happy tears of gratitude.

When I speak from the heart, it is often very good ideas that directly help me forward. I also notice that my messages get understood much better when I speak from my heart, I am more direct and clear and say what I really mean and I'm honest.

When I learned about so-called brainstorming for the first time, I had it explained to me that, when you brainstorm ideas to come up with a solution to a problem, there are no rules.

Nothing that what is said is better than anything else, no one may express their opinion on what emerges, but it is about finding a flow in which the ideas just come out spontaneously.

Upon reflection, I think that what I do when I brainstorm is that I listen to my heart. This means that I am "heartstorming" instead of "brainstorming".

It is also true that when you speak from the heart you do not hurt, you do not judge and you are not afraid. Have you noticed that when you speak from the heart you'll often feel closer to the other party?

The other person might also dare to open up? Sure, it may also happen that others are surprised and afraid when someone is speaking from the heart, but with some patience and much love, the former usually happens.

In a partner relationship, it is extremely important that one speaks from the heart often, it's so easy to hurt each other and a good way to heal the wounds is to speak from the heart.

We pay a visit to the office of the brain

The main function of our brain is our survival. It is good for many other things too, but ultimately it has been programmed to help us survive.

It is phenomenal at thinking, painting for the inner eye various scenarios that are not yet present in reality to make a test run and see what the result is.

We call it daydreaming, among other things. It is superb at detecting hazards and if we let it roam freely without learning to control our thoughts it tends to visualize scenarios and risks in our relationship that really are not there.

Or perhaps they are there, but by the brain giving them attention they seem huge all of a sudden.

It might not be such a big deal after all

Maybe some time you have been upset with your life partner, you might have gotten into a quarrel, and when it is over and you have found your way back to each other again, it feels like that thing you made such a big deal out of, that thing is a rather small factor put into perspective of the larger whole. 

Odds are good that this means that your brain that has been there and painted scenarios, created risk analysis and found a need to control the situation and/or your companion.

Markus: Sometimes I get wound up or get annoyed at things my partner has done. Maybe she has thrown some of her clothes in a place where I think they do not belong.

My brain gets in gear and comes to the assistance finding thousands of good reasons why one should have a tidy home where the life energy can flow freely and why one should put one's things in the right place at once to be more effective.

Then we end up in a short and intense discussion about this and when the dust has settled and I remember to breathe again, I realize how much I really love this woman, this creature in my life and that it really is very insignificant where she decides to drop her clothes.

Is one evil and the other good?

Does this mean our brain is evil and the heart is all about the good? Definitely no and definitely yes.

Definitely no 

Definitely no because the brain is a wonderful aide who we have, we need however to learn control our brains and our thoughts, when necessary. Help with this may include regular meditation where we learn to direct our thoughts. 

Definitely yes

Definitely yes, because if it actually comes from the heart, it is good although sometimes it can be straight and honest, even nakedly direct. Still it is said with such love behind it that it reaches through the imaginary barriers we have painted.

Going to one's heart

How can you consciously shift gears and speak from the heart? There are probably a thousand ways to do it, it is important to you find your way to do it. The simpler the better.

Getting yourself emerged in the homework assignment later in this text and see if it can help you find your method, your way of speaking out of and from the heart.

Time to practice

Once you have determined the recipe that you want to use for speaking from the heart, it is time to practice. Speak from the heart with awareness at least once each day as practice for one month, then it will happen automatically after that.

Reflect on how it affects your surroundings positively so that you will be strengthened to continue to be open and speak from the heart.

Listen with your heart

Have you also noticed that sometimes a person says one thing and you become aware of what this person really wants?

If we play with the idea that all communication is about expressing love and asking for love, how would you interpret what others said? If you could translate your partner's complaint to a call to get acknowledgement that you loved him or her.

Listen with awareness

Just as we can speak from the heart, we can also use it for listening. When you have become aware of how what you need to do to speak from the heart, then also try to be aware when you are listening to another person and listen with your heart. 

Be fully present with the person and go to your heart. We have previously talked about breathing through your heart, it can be a great help here too.

For example you can start practicing with someone who speaks on television about something that affects them and then take it to the next step by doing it in relationships face to face.

Homework Assignment

Think of a situation where you know that you spoke from the heart.

  • How did you do it?
  • Did you think about anything in particular before, or were you not thinking at all?
  • Do you concentrate on the other or on yourself?
  • How did you feel before you started to speak, for example, did you feel safe, calm, passionate?

Once you find a situation and understand how you did to speak from the heart, then find another situation and then a third. Write down how you did it in each situation. Do they have any common denominators?

If you can not find a situation where you spoke from the heart, maybe you know someone who at some time spoke from their heart, how do you think she or he did it?

Couple with laptop studying relationships