All relationships between couples that last over time with love and passion in abundance have two building foundations that must be included in building the relationship: trust and respect.

What makes you trust someone? Can you trust an enemy? If an enemy has the same interest as you, say getting the same result in a situation and will lose a lot if the result isn’t reached, can you then trust that enemy?

We trust our partner if we are really sure that our partner wants the same thing as ourselves. For example, trust will be there if we meet each other’s need and that both prioritize each other as number one.

What is it that creates respect? What is it that makes you respect a person?

What creates respect in a relationship is the experience of what contributions your partner has to the relationship and your life together. In the business world, respect is created when a person has valuable things to add to the negotiating table. It’s similar in a relationship; if I value what my partner brings to our relationship I respect him or her. It could for example be about the characteristics that the person has or how she makes me feel.

Some examples on what creates trust and respect in a relationship

In the rest of this article we will use the words man and woman to make the text flow better. What we think is male and female energy, that we previously noted, could be that the man is representing the female energy and vice versa, even though it is most common that a man is in his core, male energy, and a woman is in her core, female energy.

You will find a few examples below of things that create trust and respect for men and women in a relationship.

Are you man enough to stand through a storm?

A common scenario in the meeting between male and female energy is where the woman is in an ocean of emotions, so called emotional storms, where all sorts of emotions can be exposed. In a scenario like that it is easily missed by a man what the woman needs. It could be that I as a man become scared as emotional storms could come across as accusations towards me as a man.

The woman wants the man to stand strong even when she has her emotional storms; if she withdraws he needs to show that he is there by following. The ability of a man to be 100 percent present with his woman is critical to if the trust will grow stronger or become weaker. Women have a built-in radar that is far better than the male internal technology when it comes to feeling if a person really is emotionally present or not.

No matter what dirt she throws at her man it is his job to stand with his two feet on the ground and to just love her, no matter how mean or more emotional she gets. It is important to see that this isn’t about whether the woman is right in her emotions or not and it is as a male not a good idea to start questioning this during the storm. The more effective the man learns to be in confirming her emotions, even if he doesn’t agree, the more effective he will be in handling the storms in a way that will strengthen the relationship.

If the man manages to do this the trust will flourish and open new levels in the relationship, invisible to logic. The man’s courage and steadfast love are rewarded with the woman’s free flow of love when she feels that she can trust him to remain standing even when in case of ice or rainstorms.

It is the woman’s job to test the man in every way and emotional storms are one way to do this. A woman wants to know that she has a man that will stand through the storm, both hers and other’s that may occur in or around their relationship. She can questions things he does or qualities he has as a part of this testing.

Filippa: It is important for me to know that my partner loves me even though I sometimes say things that aren’t always so nice and that I really don’t mean. I need to feel that I can be blunt and honest.

Sometimes I say that I don’t want to talk anymore but want to be left alone, although what I really want is for him to just hold me and listen to me without judging or giving advice.

Have you ever noticed how, when some couples are arguing, there is sexual tension between them and they are often closer to each other after an argument? When other couples are arguing it creates a distance between them and they feel hurt and finds it harder and harder to trust each other and speak completely openly with each other.

Markus: I have realized something that I recognize in both myself and in many other men that I have met along the road through life. It’s how we men act when we are challenged by another man who has the ability to just step in to the male shoes straight away and take the challenge as a man.

This could be in sport, at work or somewhere else, but we always tend to stand up with a raised chest and maintained male energy.

However, should we be challenged by a woman, that male masculinity easily vanishes. I can, when I look back, see that I have reacted like a frightened and offended child several times instead of as a man when my partner has let the floodgates loose in one of her emotional storms.

The secret is of course to remain in manliness and stand steady in the storm even when we become challenged by a woman. It is a great difference to the outcome of the storm depending on whether I manage to do this or not. The trust and intimacy, which may arise after the storm, are wonderful.

A man who would do what I want

Sometime we can hear that a woman wants a man that would do what she wants him to do, who would satisfy her every need. Sometimes men buy in to this completely. A woman who feels that she is in full control and can get a man to do whatever she wants at all times will inexorably, to a more or less extent, lose her respect for this man. The logic in this, which men tend to miss, is that if she can control him then other women will be able to as well and that could give a terrible outcome.

For a woman to respect a man, he needs to show her that he has a will of his own, that he can make decisions that don’t always please her in that moment.

A man in turn needs to feel that he has space from the woman’s side to make decisions without consulting her first. For example, it could be something that he feels is important for the family’s future or the relationship but that she doesn’t really agree with there and then. He will then feel respected by her and it will make it easier for him to return the respect.

The man who has everything, or?

If you ask men what they feel is the sexiest thing for a woman, quite often women expect something completely different than the most common reply men give. Most men would without hesitation say; a smile.

We can feel that a man has everything, but if he’s not able to make his woman happy he would be a man with a poor and dreary life inside. He won’t feel that he is fully contributing to the relationship and this will affect the feeling of both trust and respect in the relationship.

If the woman in a man’s life isn’t happy and he can’t change it the three most common ways for a man to react is: Become angry, withdraw or become a pleaser.

Markus: I would like to reinforce the almost hopeless pain it brings when I feel that I can’t make my beloved woman happy.

It makes you feel like half a man, or even just a third of a man…


Warning signs?

There are four warning signs to keep an eye out for. These can be signs that the trust or the respect, or even both, could be diminishing in the relationship. The four signs are resistance, resentment, rejection and repression. They will show up in this order and if we can’t handle the situation at the first warning sign it will soon move on to the next.

We will return to these four signs later, but for now we can say that resistance is about us starting to have negative thoughts about, for example, a behavior of our partner. Resentment means that the thoughts get a strong emotional charge of for example annoyance or anger. Rejection means that we withdraw from our partner emotionally and start fanaticizing about a new partner. Repression means a final resignation where we suppress our emotions and thus both the openly negative and positive feelings in the relationship will disappear.

Getting out of the downward spiral in a situation

When you end up in a situation, for example a conflict where you feel threatened or not respected, it might be good to have an approach to fall back on to break up what is about to happen. A perfect way for this is to breathe into your heart. Agree upon that this is something that one partner can call on at any time and in any discussion. Set a rule that when someone wants to breathe in to the heart, you both have to do it for at least two minutes.

Research shows that the waves in our brains shift if we move our focus to breathing in to the heart, the energy waves of our brain and heart are synchronizing with each other. If you do this properly you will see what originally started the discussion from a whole new perspective which is much healthier for the relationship.

To breathe from your heart you need to do the following: Put your hand on your heart, close your eyes and breather deep in to your heart. Do this for at least two minutes. During this time, think of things that you are grateful for in your life and relationship. Also ask yourself “What do I need to remember or believe about this situation to feel free?” “What do I need to do?”

Homework assignment

Sit down on the floor, opposite your partner. The man’s task (read; the one with has the male core) is to be 100% present with his woman (read; the one with the female core). The man is to go in to the woman’s soul and feel what she feels. The man’s focus should be on the presence and for as long as possible feel what the woman feels.

The woman’s task is to be present and be authentic in her emotions. When she feels that the man isn’t 100% present, even for only a short moment, she will nudge his arm. Note that this isn’t about right or wrong, this is about how the woman experiences the situation.

Couple with laptop studying relationships