Seven Different Conflict Types
For example, about what belongs to the Training Department and what belongs to the Human Resources Department.
Who does what. Territorial intrusion. Things fall between two chairs.
Misunderstanding. We walk around and imagine things about each other.
Conflict of interest
For example, someone interested in doing a good job, others are just there to make money and survive.
Conflicts because of different religious, cultural, political orientation, or what is right and wrong in life.
People's different needs collide. Social needs or security needs, etc.
Some people can not tolerate managers and leaders for reasons that they may not even know clearly themselves.
Markus: I have learned during life's journey to really listen for what the conflict is really about. What sort of conflict is it? Sometimes it can seem like one thing from the words being said, but if you listen deeply to the whole person, one finds that it is about something else.
An example of my own might be a hot debate about who should wash the dishes which apparently can be about one thing, the dishes, or bout the roles of who does what? Beneath the surface, it can instead focus on needs such as knowing that both help out in the home. Being a team.
This discussion or conflict, I and Filippa had a few times where it has become clear as we listened more attentively to each other that it is not about the matter, in this case the dishes, but about the need to feel that we are a team.
So a hot tip for a hot conflict is to ask yourself "what is this all about anyway?" And a great way to find out is to turn on the big listening ears and ask questions like "how is this important to you", "I would like to know a bit more how you feel regarding this, do you feel like telling me? "
And remember, practice makes perfect, it can feel a little artificial in the beginning and is certainly worth practicing.
Two Different Perspectives on Conflict
|Harmony Perspective ||Conflict Perspective
|Table created by RelationshipSchool.com|
|Conflicts are something negative and bad
||Conflicts are natural between people
|Conflicts are caused by "troublemakers"
||Conflicts are unavoidable
|Conflicts are avoidable
||Conflicts are often enriching
|Conflicts shall be eliminated or suppressed
||Conflicts can and shall be managed
|The Harmony Perspective often leads to conflict.||
The Conflict Perspectvive often leads to harmony.
You choose your perspective on conflict yourself. You do this early in life, in this choice you get assistance from your attitudes and values. Your values you have usually inherited from others.
The Harmony Perspective
The harmony perspective is based on wishful thinking and is a kind of escapism, which ultimately leads to conflict. It can be very difficult to extricate oneself from an old, often-used view on the conflict.
The Conflict Perspective
The choice of the conflict perspective often leads to harmony, because you do not have to have a bad conscience, feel guilty or leak energy when conflicts arise.
This article is written by Filippa and Markus Amanto. They have jointly created the web site about relationships www.relationshipschool.com.
By the Relationship School, they want to reach out to in particular couples, but also to people in other forms of relationships.