The world is not about me, it's about us!

One of the major shifts in our approach to our relationships, to our relationship paradigm, is to move from the belief that the world and relationships are about me, that it is instead about us. A relationship is about us, not me.

It is when I focus solely on myself that I feel pain, it is then that I feel emotions that make me act in a childish way that does not benefit my relationship or take a parental attitude in criticizing my partner.

Getting hung up on ourselves

It happens regularly that we in our relationships get hung up on ourselves. We feel unfairly treated or neglected. The moment that I can see that I am stuck in an exaggerated self-focus, and instead may go on to focus on both others and myself, is the same moment I release myself and get access to more of myself.

Markus: I see very clearly the difference in the focus on me or the focus on us. It has been easy for me to slip into overly focusing on myself and that is no the place where you build passionate and lustful relationships, that is one thing that is for sure.

It is a great liberation in the moment I step out of my own needs and am fully with my partner. Things that a moment ago seemed impossible to overcome are quickly gone with the wind and replaced by the opportunities and painlessness associated with free choice.


An American named Zig Ziglar who has a long and successful career as a salesman and developer of human potential summed it all up in an excellent manner when he said: "If you help enough people get what they want, you can have everything you want ".

The same is true in relationships, if you allow your partner often enough to get what she or he needs, without doing violence to yourself, then you can get everything you want in the relationship.

A trench in Siberia

If you instead think about all you want, and strive to get your partner to give it to you, then you might as well try to dig a trench across Siberia with the help of a toothbrush and a teaspoon. It will be about as effective and in the end you will enjoy a similarly harsh climate.

Become a detective of needs

Note that it is about giving your partner what he or she really needs, not what you think they need, and it might not be what they say they want. To really understand what your partner needs, you need to forget about yourself for a moment and become a detective to catch any signal, verbal or nonverbal, in order to understand your partner's needs.

Do this from a centered place, a place where you give for the sake of giving and not because you are going to get this and that back, then you have unleashed the magical power of we instead of me.

A smiling couple

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