Many people are surprised when they step over the threshold to active listening. Even that which previously seemed trite and even boring has the ability to be really compelling when we really decide to be present and listen to the fullest.

It will also mean that the speaker will feel more relaxed and therefore able to provide more valuable information to the listener.

Helpful in conflicts

Especially in conflict situations the ability to actively listen is a fantastic tool. It can be little things that make a big difference, such as maintaining eye contact and nodding to show that your are following the other person.

Ways to listen better

In other parts of this site we have described the technique of breathing into the heart. On the whole, to breathe is a good way to create good conditions for good listening.

It is easy to forget the most basic thing to breathe, especially if what the other person says raises disturbing feelings within ourselves. Breathing deeply allows more oxygen to the brain and strengthens your ability to listen.

An excellent way to make the shift from focusing on me to focusing on us, is to ask questions. Questions helps to show interest and encourages the speaker to broaden and deepen the content of what is being said.

Markus: I have experienced several times how I have met people I never met before, and where I spent my focus one hundred percent on understanding the other person and gave them my attention.

I remember specifically a conversation with a business contact where I was going offer my products to the person in question. We met for an hour and I think he talked more than fifty-five minutes and I barely five minutes.

At the end of our meeting he said he felt great confidence in me and the product sale went by itself without me having to do any real selling.

Similarly, I think that it is in couple relationships, if we really devote ourselves to provide our partners full attention, find their needs and meet them, we will get everything we want without much effort.


When we are able to shift into taking in others, to be with others fully, to focus on we instead of me, is makes the majority of our pain go away. When we are fully occupied with ourselves, then we often end up in emotional hollows.

When we focus all our being on being part of a relationship and open the door for others to step into our moments, then the magic occurs in what is called infinite possibilities.

A smiling couple

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