It may also be the housewife who wishes that her husband would come home earlier from work and expresses in the form of the children missing their father. While it most likely is true, if she is unable to express her own longing, the relationship with her husband will not mature and evolve, but remain under the spell of projections.

Another popular variation on this theme is to identify with ones favorite team in sports through a projection. If things go well for the team I feel good, if things go badly for the team I too feel bad. Monday morning feels especially heavy after the defeat in yesterday's match.

Markus: During a course in personal development where I was a participant, we were part of a powerful experience. The course facilitator had a plastic bottle that we were asked to relate to verbally in different ways verbally by saying what we saw when we looked at the bottle.

We also got to say something about ourselves, which we had in common with the bottle, either the shape, quality or appearance. It was only a short while before we all began to identify with this plastic bottle and were keen to see it handled in a careful and appropriate manner.

It gave me a real eye-opener as to how easy I project different characteristics on people and other things around me. Also how I easily allow this projection have power and influence over myself.

My dark sides

If your first reaction when you read the head of this piece of text was "What do you mean my dark sides, I have no such things", you may recognize yourself in the following. One form of what we are talking about here, that is projections, is to project one's own evil, malice or anger at the news on television or in newspapers. To complain about how bad they are against each other in the Middle East and then half an hour later give the kids a real telling-off because they are too noisy when they play.

To groan over the gossip tabloids and their front pages that spreads rumors, true or untrue, and also have the nerve to make money from it. Then the next day to stand at work and talk behind the boss's back about how stupid his or her latest decision was.

It can be extremely damaging to any relationship if you have not gotten to know at least some of these so-called dark sides in yourself. We call them the dark side because we are not always encouraged to talk about them and it can feel a bit shameful to talk about your own greed, your own anger or your own jealousy. Instead, we act them out through various media, unable to own them in ourselves where we have the power to do something about them.

When someone plays their movie on you

When this happens, someone trying to play their movie on you, there is every reason to be alert. It may be that what the other person is saying in no way applies to you and then you may want to tell them so in a mature manner. To be clear, for example, by saying "it is not true about me, it used to be previously, but it is not true about me any more."


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