The emotional death you enter in order to create some form of comfort spreads like an ice age to other parts of your life. You lose all what enthusiasm and spark of life is called.

Life becomes predictable and boring. It is not painful, but not joyful. Physical fatigue is now a faithful companion in your life.

Markus: I had a teacher of personal development, a man from Italy, who defined pathological diseases as frozen passion - patos meaning passion.

When we let our passion freeze, when the lust for life no longer pulsates in our blood, then we invite all sorts of mental and physical ailments with an open door.

The tricky thing with repression is that when we watch a couple from the outside who are in in this part of the tunnel, it may look like they are happy. They are probably friendly and polite to each other and never or rarely argue. You may be led to believe that they have a wonderful relationship until the day you hear that they will get divorced.

What is even worse

Even worse are the couple who are so deep into the repression that they do not think they have any problems. They have given up their energy-filled, romantic dreams and have accepted that life is one big status quo.

They have trained themselves to know what they can expect and what they can not expect. They have created a predictable bubble in which they have managed to convince themselves that they are happy.

The problem for a couple who finds themselves here is that as long as they do not admit that they want an improvement in the relationship, it will remain in the same emotional refrigerator and deadlock.

A quick tour through the tunnel

You've probably seen the various warning signs, the different parts of the tunnel, those times when you've had a quarrel with your partner. For example, by the following thoughts or expressions:

  1. Resitance, "I do not like when you tell me what to do"
  2. Resentment, "I hate it when you try to control me"
  3. Rejection "I will do what I want, I do not care about you"
  4. Repression, "I guess I behaved pretty stupid, it's best I just forget the whole discussion"

A journey through the tunnel could take days, hours, minutes or even seconds. Every time you suppress a feeling you go through these four stages or warning signs.

Some people have become so good at suppressing their feelings that they automatically go from resistance to repression in a few brief moments, without being are aware of it.


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