Warning 1: Resistance

In any normal relationship between two people, there will be some level of resistance between them. Resistance occurs when you start to resist something that your partner is, does or feels. With your inner voice you start to criticize them and it is possible that you notice how you emotionally move away a little from your partner.

One example is that you are at a party with your partner and she begins to tell the same story that she always tells at parties. A story you've heard many times before. This time you will notice that you begin to feel resistance against her and a feeling appears that goes something like: "Oh no, here she goes telling her story again." Another example is that your husband reminds you to pay a bill and you notice how for a brief moment you shut yourself off towards him.

How we often handle resistance

The way most people handle resistance is to ignore it and pretend it does not exist. It may include thoughts like: "It's no big deal" or "Do not be so critical, after all, nobody is perfect" or maybe "Just forget it, it is unnecessary to awaken the beer that is sleeping."

If you are not telling the truth about your opposition to your partner and handle it together, those little resistances are stacked on top of each other and lead further into the dark tunnel to the second warning sign, resentment. It's like sweeping things under the carpet, eventually it grows into a bump under the carpet and gets so big that it starts getting hard to get around without trouble.

Warning 2: Resentment

This is a more active part of the tunnel than the resistance is. There is an intense disapproval and placing of guilt towards what your partner does.

Your partner has now really begun to annoy you. You notice how little things make you get angry, how you over-react to things that do not really make much difference. Accumulated resistance begins to bubble inside of in the form of resentment.

If we continue the example with my partner who tells her story and I repeatedly fail to communicate my opposition to it, there will come a day when I no longer feel resistance to history, but now it awakens strong resentment in me. I may be thinking or feeling: "I hate it when she tells that story which makes her so ridiculous like that."

The consequences of resentment

Together with resentment often comes internal experiences of anger and tension. You start to emotionally distance yourself even further from your partner. Characteristics of the warning signs are feelings of anger, frustration, irritation, sharp comments and hatred.

If you continue to sweep unexpressed feelings under the carpet and do not communicate your anger in a good way to your partner - the into the darkness of the tunnel increases. The passion becomes more distant, as do the beautiful emotions between you and the third warning sign, the rejection, is now approaching fast.

Two people holding hands

Start your studies

Access to all 26 classes is free and includes letters, articles and video.

No registration is required.

See classes and get started!