Podcast Archives - Page 59 of 85 - The Relationship School®

Am I in An Abusive Relationship? – SC 161

QUESTION The fact that I even have to ask is sign enough. I want to ask both from your’s and your wife’s perspective. Do you think that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship?

A little background: His fuse is just so short. He talks to me like I’m a dog. I literally want to bug our house and play it back to him so he can realize how disrespectful he really is. I do love him and I don’t want to leave, but at this point, I cannot stand him and I hate what we’re doing to our kids. Yes, I realize I’m part of this too, but I am his cheerleader, his friend, his rock, everything. I’m so tired of being the emotional support for everyone and then getting shit on in return. I’m burned out myself. Please help my family.

SHOWNOTES

Defining emotional abuse [2:00]
Do you feel safe in your own home? [5:00]
It’s more complicated than ‘just leave [6:00]
How are you a part of your own abuse cycle? [7:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

What Keeps You From Finding The One – Katherine Woodward Thomas – SC 160

What does your intention have to do with creating a great relationship?
According to my guest, everything.
If you are single, what vibe are you putting out into the world to attract a mate? If you are partnered, what vibe are you putting into your relationship?
This week’s guest has so much to say about upgrading your story and your intention and how that can impact how fulfilled you are in your relationship (or future relationship). She also has some practical tips on how to do exactly that.

If you are trying to “call in the one”, or just trying to deepen with the one you have already, this interview is going to help you a ton!

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Why do some women have a pattern of dating unavailable men? [11:00]
The power of setting intentions [14:00]
Self-limiting beliefs and ‘stories’ we tell ourselves [21:00]
Clearing up ‘the power of thoughts’ for skeptics [23:00]
A guided exercise with Katherine for finding your ‘false self’ [29:00]
How to talk to your inner child [34:00]
What to do when you’re really stuck in your own story [45:00]
Katherine’s go-to move for when she’s triggered [49:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO
Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT is the author of the New York Times Bestseller Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After which was nominated for a Books for a Better Life Award, and the national bestseller, Calling in “The One:” 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life. She is also a licensed marriage and family therapist and teacher to thousands from all corners of the world in her virtual and in-person learning communities.Katherine is the originator of the Conscious Uncoupling process made famous by Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin as well as creator of the Calling in “The One:” 49 Days to Love online course. To date, Katherine has trained and credentialed hundreds of people as Certified Conscious Uncoupling Coaches and as Certified Calling in “The One” Coaches.

What To Do When You Get Defensive – SC 159

QUESTION

When my boyfriend gets triggered and shares his thoughts and feelings with me, how do I not take it personal and get defensive?

I feel like this creates a barrier between us when he is trying to reach out and I want to be with him in this moment. But I feel attacked even though I know he’s not attacking me – I can hear my shitty defensive tone of voice and feel my body language change. I also can’t get my thoughts clear enough to have a mature conversation with him, I’m all caught up in my own BS, it’s pathetic! How do I get past this and be present with him?
Kim – Fairfax VA

SHOWNOTES

Question from Kim [1:00]
Zeroing in on what makes us defensive [3:00]
Working out what you need when you’re feeling defensive [5:00]
What to do when you’re too triggered to think clearly [7:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

Interpersonal Neurobiology – Dan Siegel – SC 158

If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind.

We discuss how we human beings operate when our “minds” and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence.

This episode is powerful.

It’s for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

The 3 facets of the mind [15:00]
Where does the mind live? [18:00]
What do relationships and the body share in common? [20:00]
How you can strengthen your mind through “monitoring and modifying” [27:00]
Hyperarousal vs hypo-arousal [31:00]
The 4 F’s of a reactive state [32:00]
Coming back from reactivity [37:00]
What are the long-term costs of not repairing ruptures to relationship? [42:00]
How presence helps fight off disease [48:00]
The importance of developing an “internal compass” [60:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Dr. Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. He is also the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute which focuses on the development of mindsight, which teaches insight, empathy, and integration in individuals, families and communities.

Dr. Siegel has published extensively for both the professional and lay audiences. His four New York Times bestsellers are: Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human, Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, with Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D: The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, and the upcoming The Yes Brain (2018). His other books include: The Developing Mind (2nd Ed.), Mindsight, The Mindful Brain, and The Mindful Therapist. Dr. Siegel also serves as the Founding Editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which contains over fifty textbooks.

Outgrowing Your Friends – SC 157

Quote from the Smart Couple Quote Book
Stop wasting time with people who don’t support your fullness. Stop apologizing for who you are. Do not spend another day dimming your light because someone’s uncomfortable. Some people you know will always be uncomfortable with your way and will always judge you. Let them go and keep being you as you are.

SHOWNOTES

A quote from The Smart Couple Quote Book [7:00]
Outgrowing people on your path to growth and development [8:00]
Surrounding yourself by growth-oriented people [10:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

Setting Boundaries With Ease, Grace and Love – Terri Cole – SC 156

Boundaries are essential in a partnership and Terri Cole knows a lot about them. We talk about getting sober, parenting her inner child, what it takes to have your marriage as a top priority and what women can do to balance being independently strong with interdependently connected. This podcast interview is fun and full of gems. Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES

Terri’s story [10:00]
The 3 questions you need to ask yourself when you get triggered [21:00]
What is ‘transference’ and how to we ‘repeat realities’? [23:00]
How you can become more knowledgeable about your internal experience [26:00]
Why is it important to do inner-child work? [27:00]
What is a ‘Downloaded Love Blue-Print’, and how does it affect every relationship we have? [32:00]
Examples of language you can use to support your partner when they’re triggered [42:00]
1 simple boundary everybody needs [49:00]
Consequences vs threats [55:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO Terri Cole is a New York-based, licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert and founder of The Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp.

For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well known personalities from international pop stars, athletes, Broadway performers and TV personalities to thought-leaders and Fortune 500 CEOs. She empowers over one hundred thousand women weekly through her published articles and blog posts, therapeutic meditations, online courses, and her popular Hello Freedom podcast.

Terri’s strategies combine practical psychology, eastern mindfulness practices plus harnessing the power of intention to create sustainable positive behavioral change i.e. true transformation.

She has been featured as an expert therapist and master life coach on A&E’s Monster In-Laws, TED X, The Lisa Oz Show, Real Housewives and had a weekly radio show on Hay House Radio. Plus she regularly writes for The Huffington Post, Positively Positive, The Daily Love, Well+Good, and has been featured in Italian Elle, Forbes, Origin, Vogue, Self and most recently was on the cover of Inspired Coach magazine.