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Hours of Operation: Monday - Friday 9:00 am - 5:00 pm MST
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Asking Your Partner To Change – SC 155

Asking Your Partner To Change – SC 155

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QUESTION:
It seems like my husband wants me to change things, and that there are things I want him to change…
Is that the same things as wanting him to grow, just in different terms? I’ve heard you say that people can’t change their partners, but you have said that the goal should be to grow. I’m wondering what the difference is.
How do you accept that your partner isn’t going to change, but then strive or agree to grow?
– Natalie, Denver

SHOWNOTES

  • Is it okay to want your partner to change? [2:00]
  • Reasonable vs. unreasonable requests [3:00]
  • Reframing change from a growth-oriented mindset [4:00]
  • Requests that make your partner feel judged [6:00]
  • When is it better to move on than to try to change someone? [8:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

A Couple’s Journey of Getting Stronger Through Postpartum Depression and Conflict – SC 154 – TJ & Denise

A Couple’s Journey of Getting Stronger Through Postpartum Depression and Conflict – SC 154 – TJ & Denise

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This couple learned how to get stronger through postpartum depression and conflict. Listen how they navigated a big personal crisis and how they helped each other get through it.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • Denise & TJ’s story [11:00]
  • Experiencing spirituality through your partner [13:00]
  • What happens when both partners in a relationship tend to ‘take charge’? [18:00]
  • Challenges that come up when you move in together [20:00]
  • Dealing with constant conflict with no resolution [24:00]
  • Dropping the story of ‘I don’t need anyone else’ and finding value in relationship [33:00]
  • How to use experience to be more resourced each time you’re in conflict with your partner [37:00]
  • How exploring plant medicines helped Denise & TJ on their journey [38:00]
  • 1 lesson Denise & TJ learnt through The Relationship School ® that impacted them the most [45:00]
  • How to use conflict to understand your partner better [50:00]

CONTEST DETAILS

Win a free Relationships School ® Shirt and (almost) free ticket to the Relationship School® Live Weekend by answering this question: 

Q) I’m in a relationship with you, I say to you: ‘Honey, you always treat me like shit.’
What is your response that has me relax, gets me off your back, and has us work through this intelligently?

Video your response and send it in via Instagram stories, Monogamy & The Smart Couple Facebook Group, or Email.

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO
TJ and Denise Semanchin have been married almost 14 years and have two children, ages 10 and 7. They live in Viroqua, WI where TJ owns a coffee roastery along with a couple of cafes. Denise recently completed the 9-month DPIR training at The Relationship School and will soon be starting her 9-month Relationship Coach Level 1 training. They are living proof that these tools combined with a commitment to personal growth really do work!

When One Of You Values The Relationship More Than The Other – SC 153

When One Of You Values The Relationship More Than The Other – SC 153

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QUESTION:
I understand that men generally will put career and providing at the top of their priority list, while relationships might hover near the bottom. Relationship is a top priority for me, so how do I get to the place where i’m ok with not being at the top of the list for my guy?
How do I not take it personally? Do I need to be looking for someone who’ll put our relationship at the top of their list and make me a priority – or is that a childhood fantasy?
 – Vanessa from Santa Monica

SHOWNOTES

  • Vanessa’s question [1:00]
  • Understanding what it takes for a fulfilling relationship  [2:00]
  • When two people in a relationship have different values [3:00]
  • How you can express your hurt to your partner without getting ‘blamey’ [4:00]
  • Should you learn to be okay with not being a priority to your partner? [5:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection – Ellen Boeder – SC 152

My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection – Ellen Boeder – SC 152

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Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why “the repair” is so critical in a strong partnership. It’s essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own marriage.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • What does a good relationship look and feel like? [7:00]
  • Why feeling ‘safe’ is essential for a good relationship [8:00]
  • Why ‘I’m sorry’ is a bad repair-strategy [18:00]
  • What Ellen calls the ‘micro-repair’[20:00]
  • How to really listen to your partner after conflict without getting triggered [23:00]
  • What are some quick ways to reset the nervous system when words aren’t working? [30:00]
  • Ellen’s advice on conflict and repair for couples [34:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

 
 

Vetting A Future Partner – SC 151

Vetting A Future Partner – SC 151

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QUESTION:
I’m single and broken up with four months ago and have decided to take time out of the dating pool to get to know myself more, reflect on my last relationship and to enjoy my own company. The thing is, i know that in the near future, I want a partner. What is your advice on choosing a partner?
To be more specific, I’m aware of the relationship process of the honeymoon phase, then the real partnership where you get to know the real person… Since in the honeymoon phase usually people try to be their best selves and not always their authentic selves, how can you identify these characteristics of growth and development mindsets, self-awareness, kindness, trustworthiness?
– Mariana from Mexico

SHOWNOTES

  • Mariana’s question [1:00]
  • What you can do to really get to know someone you’re dating [2:00]
  • Why do we hide parts of ourselves from the person we’re dating? [4:00]
  • How do you get a great relationship? [7:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

 

Advice For Single Women Prepping For A Partnership – Marni Battista – SC 150

Advice For Single Women Prepping For A Partnership – Marni Battista – SC 150

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Here at The Relationship School®, we focus on the long-term relationship game.

But what if you’re ready for a relationship but can’t find one?

This week, I invited Marni Battista to help shed some light on how single women can break out of their comfort zones, start dating and find a quality guy (without repeating the same patterns over and over again).

Make sure to listen for her advice on how to get past the last 10% of unconscious patterns that keep most single women stuck in their comfort zone.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • How Marni became a dating coach [9:00]
  • Learning from mistakes and ‘bad dates’ [15:00]
  • How people get stuck in blame and attract bad dates [16:00]
  • How dating can reveal where you have unfinished self-work [24:00]
  • What Marni calls the ‘love shield’ and how it can keep you stuck [26:00]
  • The danger of quick-fix dating solutions [32:00]
  • Baby-steps for women who need to leave a bad relationship [44:00]
  • Does it matter how you date in the modern world? [36:00]
  • The trap of binge-dating and burning out [38:00]
  • The most common mistake people make in their dating profiles [40:00]
  • Should you tell your date your non-negotiables on the first date? [43:00]
  • Advice for singles who are dating [45:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Dating coach, Marni Battista, is the queen of making her clients irresistible to men and not just any men, high
quality men.  Marni is a certified professional Dating and Relationship Coach and Expert, writer, and nationally
recognized print and online magazine expert (Cosmopolitan Magazine, Yahoo! Shine, Huffington Post,
YourTango.com, CupidsPulse.com, Men’s Fitness, Glamour and more).  She has also had guest appearances
on CBS, ABC, and Loveline (filling in for Dr. Drew!) Marni’s weekly dating and relationship web show, “The
Dating Den,” has over 2.6 million views, and she was named one of the 10 Best Women’s Dating Experts by
@DatingAdviceCom.