marriage Archives - Page 6 of 13 - The Relationship School®

The #1 Reason Married Couples Stop Having Sex

Is it common for married couples to stop having sex after many years of marriage?

Hell yes!

In my own marriage of 10 years, we’ve had short periods of no sex. Here’s why we and so many other couples might let their sex life drift…

(Full episode here.)

Yup. It’s that simple.

The number one reason couples stop having sex is:

Fear.

Fear of what?

So many things. But most often a couple will unconsciously slide into fear and then come up with some lame external excuse like, “I’ve lost the attraction” or, “We just aren’t in love anymore.”

While these might be partially true, there’s always more to the story.

So, what do we do?

If you are in a sexless marriage, instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me or my partner?” (which is more blame), try asking a more intelligent question like, “How do we face our fears and anxiety around sexual intimacy?”

By first asking this important question, married couples can begin to tackle their fears.

We can make it even more vulnerable and sexy by sitting on the bed naked together with no other agenda than to state our fears in front of one another. Take turns saying, “I’m scared…” and fill in the blank. Go slow enough to feel and not dissociate.

Be courageous and face the deep vulnerability that sex can bring. Tender, naked, raw, beautiful…

Just make the simple move of owning your fear. By doing this, we are making a very intimate statement. And this level of vulnerability is lubrication for sex.

Tune into The Smart Couple Podcast for more long-term relationship advice.

The 9 Most Common Relationship Mistakes And What To Do Instead

During the honeymoon phase of any relationship, we are all very smart. It’s hard to do anything wrong because it all feels so damn good. It’s one big puppy pile and puppy piles are pretty damn easy.

But once the metaphorical beer goggles wear off and you sober up to the reality that your partner is a real pain in the ass, it’s a whole new ball game. And, if you bring your “know-it-all” attitude to the table, you’re pretty much screwed.

So, instead of thinking you know how relationships work this year, let’s assume that you are making at least 5 of these mistakes and that you have something to learn.

Why admit to these mistakes?

By admitting you suck at long-term relationship, you are humble enough to learn a new way. In fact, after reading these mistakes, I’ll give you one, and only one, tip to change turn every single one of these mistakes around. (more…)

How to Deal With The Distancer-Pursuer Dynamic (Part 2) – SC 72

Do you want more connection while your partner wants more space? One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. In the second of our two-part series, Ellen and I help the distancers understand and deal with your pursuing partner.

SHOWNOTES

What does it mean to the distancer with a pursuer partner? [7:00]
Is the pursuer really being needy when they want attention from a distancer? [10:00]
The link between a pursuer and their childhood relationship with their caregiver. [12:30]
A better way to ask for space. [15:00]
Why the pursuer can be an MVP in a long-term relationship. [19:30]
Jayson’s action step for the listener [23:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

Laser Coaching On Infidelity, Trust, & Blended Families – SC 65

Chris and Billy Jo are two podcast listeners who won a chance to be interviewed and laser coached by me on the podcast. As you listen, pay close attention to their dynamic, their openness to feedback and most importantly a commitment to growing individually and as a couple. If you got value from this episode format, please share your feedback in The Smart Couple Facebook Group and I’ll do more!

SHOWNOTES

How did Chris & Billiejo meet and how long have they been together? [8:00]
When did they know it was the right time to tell the kids about their relationship? [11:15]
Their advice for couples on how to introduce your kids to your new dating partner? [13:30]
How has The Smart Couple Podcast helped Chris & Billiejo in their relationship? [15:30]
The big lesson that Billiejo learned from a big fight with Chris [19:00]
Jayson gives his laser coaching on how to move beyond their repeating patterns. [20:15]
The best reframe to heal from blame and resentment with an ex. [24:00]
What to do to move beyond infidelity. [28:30]
Jayson gives an action step to heal and process blame. [34:00]

Congratulations to our contest winners from Episode 64!

Lauren L. – 1 Ticket Live Relationship School Weekend
Denise F. & John F. – Indestructible Partnerships
Brandy – One 45 minute coaching session with Jayson

HELPFUL LINKS

EPISODES MENTIONED

Tracking & Parenting Your Partner With Ellen Boeder- SC 64

5 Steps To Calm Down Fast During A Fight – SC 62

Fighting, arguing, and disagreeing are essential in a relationship, But it’s critical to know how. Here’s a short episode to help you understand how to calm down so you don’t do or say something you’ll later regret.

SHOWNOTES

Why Jayson doesn’t recommend long-term relationship for everyone. [1:45]
Why do some couples that use one single email account? Share your thoughts in the private Facebook group [6:15]
The likely reason you struggle with conflict in your relationship. [9:30]
What defines a fight? [15:00]
The 5 steps [15:45]
You must have this ingredient whenever you do a “time-out” during a fight. [17:30]
The sure-fire recipe for divorce and breakups. [24:00]
Jayson’s two powerful action steps for this episode. [28:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

EPISODES MENTIONED

How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin – SC 53

How To Create Healthy Expectations In Your Relationship – SC 59

There are two kinds of expectations in a long-term relationship. Knowing the difference can help you sink or swim in your partnership. See if you can get honest about your expectations of yourself and your partner in this episode.

SHOWNOTES