This is another great podcast, and our first one around sexuality, especially as it pertains to men (women’s sexuality coming in the next episode). David and I explore my own challenges and triumphs and what’s going on in the male mind when it comes to getting stuck around “performing” in the bedroom. You’ll dig it.
SHOWNOTES:
Intro to David Cates [1:16]
Start of the interview [4:00]
How Jayson reached out to David when he was struggling sexually [5:25]
Men stuck in the “performance game” [8:05]
“The struggle is designed to get you back home, to your heart” – Jayson [8:51]
Your Cock is a Barometer. Learn to trust it [9:04]
We can shift off the fear that I’m being betrayed by my cock, and into the inquiry or curiosity about: what is my cock really trying to show me? Whats the message here, what do I need to be learning about?” – David [10:15]
[bctt tweet=”We use porn as a drug – David Cates”]
What performance-based sex looks like [14:45]
A hallmark of fully mature sex [16:00]
[bctt tweet= “Fully mature sex: one of the hallmarks of it is the ability to be awkward and laugh… – David Cates”]
Where to start developing a mature sex life [18:58]
Sexual pain is just a signal for attention [21:00]
When porn becomes a problem [24:00]
“The anti-venom to porn is to be in our bodies, and be in our hearts” -David
What to do when given the advice “just have sex” [27:55]
Partner Intimacy Practice 31:30]
“This practice gently resets the nervous system out of adrenaline and cortisal, and into a more oxytocin state of connection and safety and let-go and trust.” – David
How to do your deep breathing in the practice [38:33]
How to touch each other in the practice [40:00]
What about performance anxiety for women? [42:56]
Finding the right pace – and getting unstuck from your habits [46:34]
Rediscovering your heart in your sex life [49:00]
Giving yourself permission to be who you are in the bedroom [54:00]
The one thing a listener could take from David Cates [56:20]
“That’s where all the problems happen: when we’re performing to an ideal, and when we’re expecting an ideal, instead of the messy, beautiful, chaotic perfection of each moment and each person.” – David [57:15]
If you want to go deeper, you can listen to Jayson and David discuss PE, here. And if you want a detailed description of David’s partner practice, you can find that here.
If you’ve been struggling with erectile dysfunction, or you are a woman whose man has been dealing with ED, click here.
ABOUT:
“Don’t take my word for anything. Try it out and see for yourself. I’m just a messenger… one who’s been paying attention to bodies for decades. It’s amazing how much you can learn when you’re not obsessing with your own bullshit.” – David
[bctt tweet=”Relationship to me is all about welcoming all of us, including the parts that want to hide.”]
SHOWNOTES:
In this episode Jayson fields a bunch of great questions from listeners like you.
Here are a few of the edited questions:
Do you work with people who are actively having an affair and want to continue it?
How do I deal with a partner who refuses to do the work?
What do I do when I fall out of love with my partner?
How can I feel sexually empowered in a relationship when my partner lacks both the desire to have sex and the desire to talk about it?
How do I deal with the loss of my partner?
How do I tell someone what I need in a way that doesn’t shame them or make them wrong?
How do I work through conflict when my partner is stuck in denial?
Now, what is your question? Just ask Jayson by recording your question here or leaving us an email at [email protected]. Be sure to label it “podcast question”.
[bctt tweet=”Relationship is this wonderful place where we find out if we are going to be accepted for who we are.”]
When I was 20 or so I cheated on my girlfriend. When I was 32 or so I had an emotional affair. In this episode I share more about what I learned about myself during those and then I discuss why so many affairs happen and what you can do about it.
IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn:
how to deal with your emotions
how to move past an affair quickly
how strong people take the path of personal development and growth after an affair
why it’s important to look in the mirror
how to recognize the “victim” mentality and re-empower yourself
how fear plays a crucial role in causing an affair
why coming back into your heart is essential to preventing an affair
effective methods for dealing with affairs
For more information, visit and CONNECT with resources mentioned in this episode:
Why and how partnerships matter and what they require
What ingredients are needed to truly tend to your partnership
How to work through bad habits by utilizing community for support and healing
The signs of health in partnership and “right” relationship
How to milk your intimate partner for the biggest medicine
The core of erotic intelligence how to break the homogeneity of sexuality
What’s next after deep connection, emotional intimacy and vulnerability
This episode’s guest, Christiane Pelmas, MSW, CSB, is a psychotherapist, educator and guide in private practice for more than two decades. She is a Somatic Sex Educator working with couples and individuals in traditional and non-traditional hands-on settings. She is the founder of the pioneering work of ReWilding and the co-founder and principle facilitator for The Magnificent Lover Course for Men.
For more information, visit and CONNECT with Christiane Pelmas:
