How did I get into relationship coaching? Failed relationships! Through much of my life, I have been frustrated because of what a partner was or was not doing. And after my last break up, I asked myself “what is wrong with YOU, Patrick?” This reframe of my normal response set me on a journey of discovering how my patterns of defensiveness, not owning my needs, and hiding out as a “nice guy” had kept me in the position of the victim. This work has changed me into a person who takes ownership of my part in these “failures” AND I have learned the value of understanding them not as failures at all, but as exactly what I needed for my growth. I was able to reframe my response from “this is happening to me,” to “this is happening for me!”
When I was 13 I wrote in my journal that I always wanted to approach my life as a student, curious and open. I didn’t want to just know myself. I wanted to always be knowing myself more and more. But…it is easy to write a thing; is easy to say a thing. However, to embody and be this thing in the face of the wounds, habits, and patterns seeded in childhood takes (among many qualities) courage, acceptance, determination, commitment, challenge, and support.
Step by step, fall and get back up determination. Turning towards discomfort commitment. Asking for help courage.
Learning to ask for help, turning to my relationships for support and challenge, has been one of my greatest struggles and also the source of my most powerful growth. Admitting that I can’t do it alone opened the door for me to step out of my victim stance and into the position of taking 100% responsibility.
I have been married and divorced. I am a father to two amazing daughters, and a grandfather to an adorably strong-willed grandson. These relationships as well as some close friendships, further intimate relationships, and co-parenting for more than 13 years, have been my ongoing teachers. This is where the work solidifies and bears fruit.
I love and feel honored to witness others in their unique path of growth through their relationships!