Couples that survive the toughest relationship challenges are so impressive! Leahnora and Noah are one of those couples. Cheating nearly tore them apart but they made commitments to change themselves and now they’re stronger than ever before.
What did they do? How do they handle the baggage of their past?
Jayson explores the tough questions here. Also, Leahnora and Noah are still working through some common issues around sexuality and conflict and they share vulnerably about this as Jayson gives some relationship coaching.
Here are a few of the highlights:
SHOWNOTES
How did Noah handle the cheating? [9:00]
Leahnora & Noah’s personal growth paths [15:00]
Defensiveness isn’t always bad [25:00]
Their open relationship experience [29:00]
Noah & Leahnora’s fighting style [35:00]
Trusting love’s message no matter the cost [40:00]
Jayson addresses their sexuality struggles [44:00]
When you’re both triggered [54:00]
Don’t respond with “That wasn’t my intent” [60:00]
Noah and Leahnora have been together for over 5 years, and got married summer 2017. Noah is 35 years and Leahnora is 34. They have two dogs but no kids (this is something they are excited about for the future). They went to high school together in San Diego, CA and now reside in Oakland, California. Noah works a real estate agent and Leahnora works for the California Department of Transportation as an environmental planner. They are both passionate about philosophy and the interconnection of humans, and navigating their way through the human condition. They have vowed to use their marriage as a container for a path to personal and couple awakening.
Leahnora and Noah’s struggles began early in their relationship. Leahnora was dating other guys while Noah was coming out of a spiritual quest in India. At the time, they couldn’t have been more opposite. Their first 3 years together were HELL. Leahnora was cheating and keeping secrets, and Noah was in his own bubble and stubbornly clinging to his self-righteous worldviews. Through years of hard work we were finally able to get on the same page and since Noah proposed, things have been wonderful.
Leahnora and Noah’s main issue is currently around sex. Noah wants more, and Leahnora could care less. About once a week, they get into the same argument. Noah thinks Leahnora doesn’t want sex because of her past unresolved trauma, and Leahnora is annoyed and frustrated that Noah is not truly understanding to give her the space to explore sexuality, in her own way. They both feel trapped. Leahnora is craving safety and Noah is craving sex.
They are looking for a way to find common ground, so that they both feel their needs getting adequately met.
Is your spiritual growth helping your relationship? Are you collaborating with your partner to better yourself as an individual? Or are you going to your corner of the house to meditate all by yourself?
Their careers as therapists and decades of mediation experience have lead Jayson Gaddis and his wife Ellen Boeder to multiple spiritual development discoveries. Turns out even the most spiritually advanced amongst us struggle with relationships. Jayson and Ellen also encourage couples to discover how collaboration with a partner in times of stress can strengthen each individual.
This episode is full of tips for anyone interested in bettering themselves and their relationship at the same time!
Here are a few of the highlights:
SHOWNOTES
How Ellen & Jayson Benefit from Spiritual Practice [2:00]
Even Spiritually Advanced People Struggle With Relationships [10:00]
Strengthening Relationships With Dependence [17:00]
Calming Down Together [20:00]
Where Spirituality Alone Falls Short [25:00]
When “Your” Triggers Should Be An “Us” Thing [33:00]
‘Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson’
To celebrate my first book, The Smart Couple Quote Book and the Holiday Season, I am giving away 3 big prizes. 2nd place) $200 credit for any of my courses, 3rd place) $30 to be used in the Relationship School store and the Grand Prize is a 45-minute coaching session for you or you and your partner from me! Boom! Who’s in?
To enter to win you must go to the Jayson Gaddis Fan Page on Facebook and
1. Find the Contest Post
2. Like the contest post
3. Comment on the post with what you love about The Smart Couple Book
3. Share the post and tag 3 friends
AND extra bonus points:
For an extra 5 entries into the raffle, post a selfie of you on your social channels with the book tagging Jayson Gaddis OR leave a review of the book on Amazon. If you leave a review, email us a screenshot of your review at [email protected] . Make sure we see the tagged post as well. Send us an email as a back up with a link to your social post.
Contest is open to anyone in the world until December 10 at 11:59p MT. Winners will be announced on the Smart Couple Podcast and Facebook on Wednesday, December 13th.
Ellen Boeder is a psychotherapist in private practice in Boulder, Colorado. Since 2004, she has worked primarily with women and is now incorporating couple therapy into her practice. Her theoretic approach includes transpersonal psychology, developmental attachment theory, family systems, and somatic and energetic modalities. For couple therapy she also utilizes Stan Tatkin’s model, the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). She is inspired to support women and couple’s heal and grow in ways that liberate their authentic selves.
So many things. But most often a couple will unconsciously slide into fear and then come up with some lame external excuse like, “I’ve lost the attraction” or, “We just aren’t in love anymore.”
While these might be partially true, there’s always more to the story.
So, what do we do?
If you are in a sexless marriage, instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me or my partner?” (which is more blame), try asking a more intelligent question like, “How do we face our fears and anxiety around sexual intimacy?”
By first asking this important question, married couples can begin to tackle their fears.
We can make it even more vulnerable and sexy by sitting on the bed naked together with no other agenda than to state our fears in front of one another. Take turns saying, “I’m scared…” and fill in the blank. Go slow enough to feel and not dissociate.
Be courageous and face the deep vulnerability that sex can bring. Tender, naked, raw, beautiful…
Just make the simple move of owning your fear. By doing this, we are making a very intimate statement. And this level of vulnerability is lubrication for sex.
You’ve been a with a friend or partner who rambles on right? And, you check out or stop listening, but you let them talk right? We’ve all been there. Well, in this episode, we discuss how important it is to interrupt them and take command of the conversation. Wait, Am I suggesting you get aggressive? No way. I’m asking that you show your “care” for them by listening in an entirely different way.
SHOWNOTES
What is “captive audience”? [7:30]
Who is responsible when someone talks too much in an interaction? [10:30]
What is active listening? [12:15]
The gift that you might be giving the “over-talker”. [14:00]
Jayson gives some examples on how to interrupt. [15:30]
Jayson shares a personal story of a dude that talked WAY too much and what Jayson did about it. [21:30]
Do you want more connection while your partner wants more space? One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. In the second of our two-part series, Ellen and I help the distancers understand and deal with your pursuing partner.
SHOWNOTES
What does it mean to the distancer with a pursuer partner? [7:00]
Is the pursuer really being needy when they want attention from a distancer? [10:00]
The link between a pursuer and their childhood relationship with their caregiver. [12:30]
A better way to ask for space. [15:00]
Why the pursuer can be an MVP in a long-term relationship. [19:30]
