monogamy Archives - Page 5 of 11 - The Relationship School®

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome in Relationships – SC 69

The grass is greener with that other person! I used to think this quietly in my mind all the time, no matter who I was with. In this episode, I share my personal drama with this mentality and what it’s really about. Not only that, I offer something to help you get through it. It might just make you more likely to commit to the one you’re with.

SHOWNOTES

Jayson shares his personal story about leaving relationships when the going got tough. [8:45]
The kinds of partners who will more likely have a “grass is greener” mentality. [11:00]
How closeness and space impact ambivalence. [13:00]
Will a new partner solve the current problem or bad feelings I’m having? [16:15]
Jayson’s recommendation if you’re wanting to jump from relationship to relationship. [18:00]
When the grass really is greener over there and it might be time to exit. [21:15]
Jayson’s action steps for the listener. [ 24:45]

HELPFUL LINKS

The Relationship School™ Youth Mentorship Program (Available only for kids ages 16 to 25)
Monogamy & The Smart Couple – Facebook Group
How to Leave A Podcast Review
SC 18 – How Therapist Bruce Tift Helped Me Have The Balls To Marry My Wife
SC 31 – 2 Valid Reasons For Divorce

Your Relationship Q’s – Anger, Jealousy, Depression, Honesty, Premature Ejaculation & More – SC 68

It’s really normal to experience jealousy, depression, anger, intense attraction and so much more when you find yourself in a good relationship. Our relationships trigger the deepest of human emotions and experiences. In this episode, I answer some fun, very painful, and challenging questions from you the listener. Notice how all of these questions may bring up stuff from your past or present relationship and see if you can find the nugget in each question that you can learn something from.

SHOWNOTES

What’s really happening when someone says “you make me feel X”. [6:45]
Is it a mistake to stay with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic? [9:30]
How to deal with premature ejaculation after you’re married? [12:15]
One factor that will guarantee your relationship is doomed. [15:30]
How to get your boyfriend to talk more when all he wants is occasional texting? [16:30]
Can a guy be emotionally mature if he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings five months into a relationship? [18:15]
When a partner struggles with depression, how do deal with a big transition when moving to a new country? [21:45]
A partner goes MIA after his mother dies, does this mean the relationship over? [25:45]
Is there a limit to being too open and honest with your partner? [30:30]
Jealousy when your boyfriend has a lot of interaction with other women on Facebook? [34:00]
The best way to eliminate anger? [37:00]
Best approach for a couple that is going to be long-distance for two years? [40:30]
Personality disorders and loving yourself? [42:45]
How to regain trust when a partner refuses to open up? [47:15]
Jayson’s action step for the listener. [50:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

BLOG ARTICLES MENTIONED

The Most Essential Human Need We All Have

3 Steps To Become More Resilient Before, During & After A Fight with Dr. Rick Hanson – SC 67

It is possible to rewire your brain in relationships and build inner strength. In fact, if you don’t work toward this, you’ll be in trouble down the road when the allostatic load catches up to you later in life. In this episode I interview Dr. Rick Hanson. He’s a passionate expert on mindfulness, the brain, neuroscience and relationships. We geek out on the intricacies of the brain but he also brings some very practical tools and insights on how we can improve our relationships by using the natural genius of our mind. Lots of notes to take on this one! Hang in there. It can get dense.

SHOWNOTES

Why Jayson was anti-marriage until age 34 [2:00]
How did Dr. Hanson get so passionate about brain science and relationships? [11:00]
A Native American story about love and hate [13:00]
Why is so difficult for couples to work their shit out? [17:30]
What are two lessons from the wiring of our ancestors’ nervous systems? [19:30]
Two practices to rewire your brain to build your inner psychological strength [22:00]
How to stop the negativity train of our mind when we’re already triggered [25:00]
Tips for developing ourselves before we get into a fight with our partners [32:30]
What happens in our brains when we are triggered by our partner? [46:00]
How being chronically frustrated, lonely, let down, disconnected impacts the brain and body. [51:30]
The ratio between positive interactions and negative interactions [60:00]
A 10-day challenge to the listener on how to radically shift the dynamic in your relationship. [65:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

ARTICLES & PODCAST EPISODES MENTIONED

GUEST BIO

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and New York Times best-selling author. His books are available in 26 languages and include Hardwiring Happiness, Buddha’s Brain, Just One Thing, and Mother Nurture. He edits the Wise Brain Bulletin and has numerous audio programs. A summa cum laude graduate of UCLA and founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, Harvard, and other major universities, and taught in meditation centers worldwide. His work has been featured on the BBC, CBS, and NPR, and he offers the free Just One Thing newsletter with over 120,000 subscribers, plus the online Foundations of Well-Being program in positive neuroplasticity that anyone with financial need can do for free.

Listener Questions & My Direct Answers – SC 61

In this Q&A episode, there were so many great questions. See the show notes below for a detailed line-up.

SHOWNOTES

How can I train myself to not go to an extreme dark place when I’m triggered by my partner? [4:30]
A tool for calming yourself down. [6:00]
What’s the best way to balance individual freedom in a relationship to avoid power struggles? [6:45]
How to know when to stay in a relationship and when to leave? [9:30]
Why is my husband not desiring me and initiating physical intimacy and passion? [11:45]
My boyfriend surfs porn, a LOT. Is this normal? Should I break up with him? [17:30]
Should I move back in with my ex? How do I know if he’s forgiven me? [22:00]
My partner says he’s not sure if he still has feelings for his ex. What should I do? [25:00]
My old boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for eight years, currently off for a year. What’s the best way to get back together? [27:45]
The best way to date someone with a mental illness? When do you know if the struggle is too much if they’re not doing the work to get better? [29:45]
Someone challenges Jayson on saying “I’m sorry.” [32:15]
How do I get my boyfriend to communicate more often and more openly? [34:15]
What’s the best way to apply your communication tools with children? Is it the same as with a romantic partner? [35:15]
What do you think about when someone says “I’m sorry you feel that way”? [38:15]
Should our partner be our “best friend”? [39:30]
How do I navigate my fear of enmeshment with my partner’s fear of abandonment? [40:15]
Jayson’s powerful action step for this episode. [43:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

EPISODES MENTIONED

How To Say I’m Sorry Like A Pro – SC 58

Saying “I’m sorry” is one way to try to repair after a relationship challenge, but it’s exceptionally limited. Not learning a new way to repair is like driving your car without tires. It works and can even get you places, but you’ll go so much further if you learn this one. Roll up your sleeves as I have a good challenge for you in this episode.

SHOWNOTES

Why regular apologies are weak. [9:00]
What you need to do instead of just saying “I’m sorry.” [13:45]
A perspective that will empower you when you’re triggered by your partner. [16:00]
The secret to apologizing like a pro. [17:30]
Jayson’s challenge to the listener. [21:30]

Also, watch this modeling video here:

HELPFUL LINKS

How Do I Know When It’s Too Hard? – SC 57

Relationships get hard. But how do you know when hard is too freakin’ hard? And, what do you do about it? In this episode my wife and I explore a very common complaint about long-term relationships, especially after the initial honeymoon phase wears off. Are you making your relationship hard or are you making it easy? Believe it or not, you are in the driver’s seat on this.

SHOWNOTES

How do you know when your relationship is too hard? [5:30]
The decision Jayson made that was crucial to his relationship. [15:00]
Does Ellen ever feel that motherhood is too hard? [17:00]
The perspective that matters most in a relationship [18:45]
How to work through conflict in a relationship? [20:15]
What about working through conflict on your own, without your partner or community? [22:30]
Why it’s not wise to “pick your battles”? [26:45]
Leave your comment in Monogamy and The Smart Couple Facebook Group

HELPFUL LINKS