This episode was a lot of fun. Former dedicated David Deida student Adam Gilad brings some excellent advice during this dialogue. We cover fatherhood, dating, marriage, and why Adam couldn’t do relationship early on and what he “figured out” along the way. He also shares his most recent wedding vows and so much more. I think you’re in for a treat here.
SHOWNOTES:
What lead Adam to teach about relationship? [3:55]
[In the world of online dating,] learn what women are saying..and what men are saying.
A personal share from Jayson: re-writing marriage vows [12:30]
The #1 thing that made Adam ready for deep relationship [13:40]
Adam shares his “one vow to rule them all” [15:55]
Reframe: the idea of marriage as “hard work” [18:10]
Playing the infinite game of love [25:10]
Why do people hold back on asking for what they need/want in relationship? [25:10]
The difference between finding and inspiring love [29:25]
The 3 ways to inspire love [33:20]
Adam’s answer to inspired marriages [43:15]
Adam brings a vulnerable share [44:55]
Jayson and Adam swap stories of being a father [47:40]
[bctt tweet=”I don’t believe in finding love…I believe in inspiring love, inspiring a partner.”]
BONUS: Listen to Adam’s vulnerable share about a serious battle with shame in the jungle with ayahuasca here http://www.jaysongaddis.com/cocktalk/. You’ll need to sign up, and look out for an email.
A prolific author, speaker, screenwriter, film producer, mentor and coach, Adam Gilad lives to spark his readers, clients and audiences into creating a robust, daring and fearless life of love, adventure and nurturance. An Emmy Nominated Executive Producer, Adam’s award-winning films have appeared on USANetworks, Lifetime and TNT. He has authored over 20 television shows and teaches dating, intimacy and deep eros. Adam has authored countless audio trainings and written several books, specializing in learning the “language” of the other gender, cultivating a dance of the sexes rather than a “battle,” the play of sexual polarity as well as a determined fearlessness in self-awareness, self-evolution, global responsibility, compassion and forgiveness.
In this 2nd installment of AMAR (Ask Me Anything about Relationships) I dive into your burning questions and it gets a little intense in there! Thanks for bringing it everyone!
SHOWNOTES:
There’s a lot of great questions in here including:
How to relate to someone who’s depressed [5:30]
How to find a great marriage counselor [17:45]
How to get over years of resentments [26:35]
What to do if someone is passive aggressive with you [34:25]
And more!
[bctt tweet=”We don’t tend to attract a new type of person until we have shifted internally somehow.”]
Marriage success, over time, isn’t about Band-Aids. It’s about building a foundation from the ground up that’s badass and indestructible.
This is a pretty charged issue. On the one hand, some people really believe divorce is one of the major culprits to kid’s problems. On the other hand, newer research suggests that kids are fine coming from divorced families, and in fact may even be more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges. If you really think divorce is going to mess up your kids, think again…Listen in, then weigh in with a comment below.
SHOWNOTES:
The erroneous assumption that comes along with divorce statistics [3:00]
Do you want to show your children how to be a human being, navigating the ups and downs of life? Do you want to be transparent about that journey? Or do you want to hide out and pretend like you know what you’re doing and teach that to your kids?
What is the real issue here? [8:10]
The problem with divorce/marriage research [11:45]
[bctt tweet=”Kids who struggle relationally come from families who struggle relationally.”]
What I suggest you do if you are in a dead marriage [15:15]
Relationship tools to use if you want to avoid divorce [17:20]
Co-dependency gets a bad rap in most circles. I used to shame it as well. Yet, as I’ve matured, I’ve come to see that there is a lot of value to be found in co-dependency, yet it’s important to know the difference between the more neurotic kind and the wisdom kind. In this episode I go into what co-dependency is, where it comes from, and how we can relate to it with grace and honesty in our long-term relationships.
SHOWNOTES:
How does Jayson define co-dependency? [1:30]
Our two fundamental drives as human beings [3:40]
[bctt tweet=”Co-dependency is a necessary and required part of long-term partnership.”]
The dance of authentic co-dependency [12:00]
What’s cool about the drive to be authentic… [17:00]
“I love you, but I’m not inlove with you…” Maybe you’ve heard this one before, or even said it yourself to someone you were breaking up with? I know I have in past relationships. If you’ve used this statement, or been on the receiving end of it, you need to listen to this podcast. There’s much more to the story. Find out by listening in…
SHOWNOTES:
A common statement in relationship, but the real meaning behind it [1:50]
A more honest statement to use instead [5:15]
[bctt tweet=”Love is the balance of opposites…when we embrace someone’s darkness and their light.”]
What is supposed to happen in a real relationship? [11:30]
What happens when we don’t learn how to love [13:45]
If you’ve ever skied, surfed, or gone outdoor climbing, there’s a good chance you’ve experienced that elusive peak state of awareness referred to as “flow”. Time slows, thoughts disappear, your sense of self seems to merge with the present moment, and everything just…flows! The flow state brings high levels of creativity, learning and connection…all things that we want in our relationships. In this episode, I bring on flow expert Jamie Wheal to dig into an important question: How can we bring this peak state into our long-term partnerships? We also hear deeply personal, wisdom-packed stories from Jamie on the evolution of his partnership. You’re going to enjoy this one.
SHOWNOTES:
Start of interview [0:40]
What is the Flow Genome Project? [1:30]
What’s the distinction between dopamine rushes, drug highs, and “flow”? [3:50]
There are 3 key components of Flow: 1. Rich Environments, 2. Deep Embodiment, 3. High Consequence
Is there a bridge between peak flow states and monogamous relationships? [7:20]
The same hits and rushes I get from haring down a mountain side on skis, or paddling into a big wave, those things are actually — strangely, fascinatingly, wonderfully — reproducible in intimacy with your partner. What that then allows us, is the ability to make love with one another. – Jamie
What happens when sex is made into a dedicated practice, similar to exercise or flossing? [12:50]
“Erotic Tonglen” [16:50]
Shares from Jamie’s personal life [22:50]
If this is our container, then we better damn make it a crucible. And let’s turn up the heat. And any sexual, relational, erotic, interpersonal, desire, drive, interest or inquiry, has to have a home inside our container, or it threatens the integrity of that container. – Jamie
What happened to the sexual chemistry when Jamie had kids? [28:05]
Is the bedroom a place of withholding or safety? [29:05]
The unconscious bargain that Jamie started his marriage with, and had to drop to save the relationship [31:20]
What Jamie learned about his relationship at Burning Man [33:00]
False notions about enlightenment and soulmates [40:30]
Parting Words from Jamie [43:40]
[bctt tweet=”Be kind. And give love away, because you can always make more. – Jamie Wheal”]
Jamie Wheal, Executive Director of Flow Genome Project, is a leading expert on the neuro-somatics of ultimate human performance. His work ranges from Fortune 500 companies, leading business schools, Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO), to Red Bull and its stable of world-class athletes. He combines a background in expeditionary leadership, wilderness medicine and surf rescue, with over a decade advising high-growth companies on strategy, execution and leadership. He is a sought-after speaker, presenting to diverse and high-performing communities such as YPO, Summit Series, Mai Tai Global, TEDx, and the Advertising Research Foundation.
At the Flow Genome Project, he leads a team of the world’s top scientists, athletes and artists dedicated to reverse-engineering the genome of the peak-performance state known as Flow.
