If you are not fighting after 4 years of being together you’re asleep. Why? I’ll explain in this episode. I used to be proud of the fact that I never fought in my relationships. But man, was I missing the boat…
SHOWNOTES
Question: “You talk about working together and communication. But is there such a thing as working TOO well together, never fighting or getting into an argument? Sometimes I would like to have some type of disagreement or argument. We’ve been together almost 4 years and we’ve not had one disagreement or argument. He just kinda always gives me what I want. Please help. “
Why conflict is important – and the dangers of chronic conflict-avoidance [1:00]
Why the older generations often ‘suck up’ their conflict, and why the mainstream is wrong about conflict [4:00]
What to do if your partner is a ‘conflict avoider’ [6:00]
How to use fighting as a doorway to greater understanding and connection in your relationship [7:00]
What American Beauty can teach us about how not to handle conflict and tension [8:00]
How to approach your partner if they’re conflict-avoidant (and how to say it well)[12:00]
Are you killing the connection with these 7 behaviors? My guest Bryan Reeves lays out some of the most common connection killers and what to do instead. There’s some really good, practical advice in this episode. Dig in and enjoy.
SHOWNOTES
Bryan’s relationship story [7:00]
The Masculine-Feminine Dance and the ‘pull-push’ cycle [11:00]
Freedom vs connection in relationship [12:00]
When she says ‘come closer’ and he says ‘back away (and his biggest fear in life) [14:00]
One way to handle a woman’s anger [17:00]
Key Relationship Skill: Connection before correction [19:00]
The danger of ‘data-gathering,’ and how our partners feel invalidated by it [22:00]
Why ‘mansplaining’ doesn’t bring you closer together [24:00]
How one-upping your partner’s problems can lead to toxic arguments [25:00]
A simple, impactful two-step principle for better connection and less friction [30:00]
A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan Reeves has survived multiple dark nights of the soul and nowcoaches men, women and couples to create thriving lives and relationships. He’s the author of the viral blog, “Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her” and two books, “The Sex, Flirting, Dating, Hunting and Hoping Diet” and ”Tell The Truth, Let The Peace Fall Where It May.” Connect onFacebook and www.BryanReeves.com.
Here’s a good question from a listener. Essentially it’s about physical attractiveness and size. Check it out:
SHOWNOTES
Question: I’m newly interested in a man after being single for 4 years, I have a 5 year old son. My biggest issue is getting over the ‘drug-effect’ of having someone new and really discovering why we should or are together. I’m all about getting the ‘high’ and attracting guys who are physically fit and are the perfect eye candy to have on my arm. Right now the guy I’m seeing is just the opposite and I’m having a hard time with it.
Not only that, but his package is small and the sex is not good at all. In fact, he has not been able to even be turned on by me enough to have intercourse. That really hurt me, so we have not had sex since. I’m looking for ways for us to strengthen our relationship after this experience and advice on how I can get past not having the physically fit man on my arm.
What happens if your man has a small penis… and can’t get an erection? [8:00]
We attract what we most need to learn [9:00]
What matters short-term vs what matters long-term [11:00]
Are you in an abusive relationship? In this episode we explore some of the hallmarks of an “abusive” relationship and what to do with any form of disrespect, neglect, or abuse. It’s actually harder than you think and there’s more work to do than to just “leave” the relationship. I answer loads of questions from listeners like you on abuse in your relationship life. I think there might be some confronting and helpful information in here for you. SHOWNOTES
What is an abusive relationship? My definition might surprise you [9:00]
How to know if you’re in an abusive adult relationship [11:00]
The difference between fault and responsibility [13:00]
How we heal trauma [14:00]
Why ‘just leave’ is often the wrong advice [17:00]
What to do if your physical safety is threatened [22:00]
The definition of ‘gaslighting’ [24:00]
Name calling [31:00]
Discover your criteria for ‘abuse’ [34:00]
The I, You and We of thriving partnerships [36:00]
On ‘mutually abusive’ relationships [44:00]
Dealing with Stonewalling [46:00]
The ‘deer in headlights’ response – and how to use it to your advantage [49:00]
If you’re a man in an abusive relationship [51:00]
Learning the difference between real and perceived threats [56:00]
If you are worried that your significant other might be cheating because you also think they are flirting, then you’ll want to listen to this. There are some basic guidelines to help you understand the difference.
SHOWNOTES
I’ve been in my current relationship for 15 months. Right off the bat, we rushed into it both freshly out of our relationships. At 3 months he started ‘hardcore flirting’ in messages to facebook friends of his. He didn’t hide it, but I’m sure he didn’t expect me to see it. I found out because he disappearing act one evening and lied to me at first about where he was. A few days later, I was shocked, he was sexually flirting with others via messenger. I confronted him and he told me he loves me. “It was just talk, didn’t mean anything,” that his intentions were not to follow through on any of it, I had nothing to worry about. Besides this crap, he’s great. He’s good to me.
Do I get over my fear of him going too far at some point, losing him and just ignore the things he does privately, or do I/should I have ran the other direction as fast as I can?
Finding your ‘line’ with flirting [3:00]
What if my partner gets defensive when I ask them about it? [5:00]
Find your truth: what works for you, what doesn’t [7:00]
How to talk to your partner if you’re uncomfortable with their flirting [10:00]
Money and Relationships! Some say this is one of the top 3 reasons people get divorced. So, do the two of you feel “on the same page” with money or is it a source of tension? If you feel challenged in any way around money in your relationship life, then listen to my friend Bari Tessler breakdown 4 steps to being a more empowered team around money. Any smart couple will want to get this part of their relationship handled and this podcast will be a great start.
SHOWNOTES
Bari’s Money Story [9:00]
Combining ‘money-stories’ with your partner: avoid the pitfalls [16:00]
What to do when one person in the relationship handles most of the finances [17:00]
How men and women can think differently about finances – and why it’s important to understand money your way [20:00]
Have you ever been surprised by a partner’s financial problems, months (or even years) into your relationship? Here’s how to handle it [21:00]
When, where and how to bring up the ‘money’ talk [23:00]
Should you be saving your grocery receipts? Merging our money can be an important step in a relationship (but it’s not for everyone) [25:00]
Dealing with shame around money [30:00]
The risks we take by not dealing with our money [34:00]
Asking for help with your finances shame-free [35:00]
Doing the emotional work first [38:00]
A practical tool for dealing with money day-to-day [40:00]
How to have ‘money-dates’ with your partner [42:00]
Bari Tessler Linden, M.A., is a Financial Therapist, Mentor Coach, Mama-preneur, and the Founder of The Art of Money. She has guided thousands of people to new, empowered, and refreshingly honest relationships with money through her nurturing, body-centered approach. Her work has been featured on Oprah.com, Inc.com, and the Huffington Post and in US News & World Report, Reuters Money, The Fiscal Times, Experience Life Magazine, Yogi Times, Best Self Magazine and Emerging Women.
Bari earned a Masters in Somatic Psychology from Naropa University and worked in body-centered therapy for over a decade before unexpectedly falling in love with bookkeeping systems and money work. Her unique methodology integrates these two worlds into deep money healing that honors all the facets of our money relationships: body to spirit, lineage to career, smart practices to deep visioning, and much more.
Bari is currently leading a global conscious money movement via her year-long program, The Art of Money, which weaves together personal, couple and entrepreneurial money teachings. Bari is also the author of The Art of Money: A Life-Changing Guide to Financial Happiness, published by Parallax Press. To learn more about Bari and enjoy her Pocket Map for Your Money Road Trip: A 7 day journey into The Art of Money Method, visit: http://baritessler.com/
