A great 3-part question from Nathan from Oregon particularly pertaining to relationships as a young adult. He’s also wanting to find mature relationships and act more mature. Check it out.
SHOWNOTES
Question – Part 1: How do you navigate technology in relationships? When is it connecting? When is it disconnecting? As phones and technological tools are becoming more necessities, how do we use them from a place of strength?
The Do’s and Don’ts of Texting and Fighting (especially if it’s serious) [3:00]
How to address ‘scary’ topics face-to-face – words to use and when to say them [5:00]
Question – Part 2: In an early stage of life, how do you determine what is really your authentic self and not just a reflection of external influences – anything from hormones to parents?
What young people can do to discover who they are, what they want and what they value [7:00]
Question – Part 3: Could you offer any advice on how to form new relationships, or your first relationships, or how to identify people you want to bring in or keep in your life?
A mindset shift that all young adults need to make (some never do) before they can find their path in life and work [10:00]
How to become the kind of person who has high-quality, mature relationships [13:30]
Annie Lalla brings the heat in this amazing episode full of love and wisdom. Damn can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe so many challenges with simple, detailed examples of how we can transform our relationships into the magic we long for. I know you’re going to dig this one. A must listen to probably 2 or 3 times.
SHOWNOTES
How to use conflict to access your shadow [10:00]
Learning to use conflict and complaints to build your relational and emotional muscles [12:00]
A practical tool to help you become a master of conflict in your relationship [16:00]
How to handle disagreements in parenting [17:30]
A specific process you can follow whenever you feel triggered after being criticized [20:00]
How to effectively deliver feedback in a way that (almost) guarantees a positive reaction from your partner [22:30]
A powerful breathing & thought exercise to do as soon as you’re triggered [24:00]
The power that pre-emptive delight can have on your emotional ‘bank account’ [27:15]
An easy (and fun) way to heal your relationship to your parents [29:00]
The concept of ‘intergenerational envy’ and how it can put you back in control of healing your wounds from childhood [32:00]
How to give and receive feedback without destroying your relationship [36:00]
For men: how to best use your tone of voice to give feedback that lands with love [37:00]
The most important role a wife has in her husband’s life [39:00]
An elegant ‘family hack’ to reduce fights and resentments that you can start using tonight [40:00]
What to do if your partner doesn’t want to work on your relationship with you [45:00]
GUEST BIO Annie Lalla has spent her life studying the labyrinthine world of emotions–mapping the complexities of communication & subtleties of relationships. A philosopher, speaker and a thought leader, Annie is known as the “Cartographer of Love”. With an Honors Science Degree, major in Human Biology & Philosophy (minor in Buddhism), her studies include integrative psychology, evolutionary science, neurochemistry, therapeutic sexuality & systems dynamics. Alongside explorations in mystic poetry, classic literature & metaphoric narrative are professional certifications in NLP, Coaching & Hypnosis. All these realms converge in her unique Relationship Coaching practice. There, she helps individuals attract, create and foster extraordinary connections that maximize freedom and minimize shame. Specializing in love, sex & conflict resolution, Annie teaches her signature method: ‘The Art of Fighting’. She sees conflict as a crucial part of intimacy development. ”Arguments are opportunities to understand your partner better, when handled with maturity & skill they can be used to bring you closer instead of farther apart.”
Why do so many men get jammed up when their female partner is emotional? It’s quite simple. For years I shut women down without even knowing I was doing it. Gulp. There’s another way fellahs.
SHOWNOTES
Question: Why is emotional intensity so difficult for men to connect with, interact with or be with?
Why is emotional intensity so difficult for some guys to deal with? [1:20]
Why some men can’t handle being around women (and people) who are depressed or going through intense emotional experiences.[4:15]
Action step: A constructive way to think and act when we ‘don’t like’ something about our partner. [5:50]
January is a big month for divorces. My guest Charles Orlando has a few gems to help you avoid a divorce or just level up your marriage. Charles shares a few challenging moments in his marriage as well as the hard reality so many couples must face when being together for more than 2 decades. Lean in to this one and I can assure you you will learn at least one thing that might make a big difference if you are feeling challenged right now.
SHOWNOTES
Charles’ relationship story. [9:50]
How we know if we’re ready for marriage. [13:00]
Why do you people get divorced in January? [15:00]
The #1 thing you can do to prevent a “January Divorce”. [17:00]
A micro step you can take to ratchet up the ‘honesty’ in your relationship. [19:00]
How to get real, raw and say the hard truths (and how NOT to say it). [21:00]
How Charles recently got through a super tough time in his relationship.[22:00]
How to know when a relationship has run its course. [25:00]
The pacts to make with yourself that help you take responsibility and take back control of your happiness in relationships. [28:00]
The reason great relationships take effort – and how to use that effort to create the best possible relationship. [34:00]
An unusual type of therapy that Charles uses to turn peoples marriages around. [38:00]
Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert and bestselling author of The Problem with Women… is Men book series and The Pact: Goodbye, Past. Hello, Love!, and the upcoming graphic novella Don’t Date A Dick, and he serves as expert host of the hit show Seven Year Switch on FYI (currently in its second season).
Referred to as “The Malcolm Gladwell of Relationships” by the media, and “Carrie Bradshaw-meets-Hitch” by his readers, Charles has built a 1,400,000+ person fanbase on Facebook—completely by word-of-mouth—where he offers free, street-smart love advice to men and women around the world. Charles has personally connected with tens of thousands of singles and couples to discover the answers to key questions that plague modern-day romance: What challenges plague romantic relationships in today’s technology-centric world; and what do women and men truly want from their significant others—and themselves—in a long-term relationship?
What sets Charles apart from other writers is his personal, ongoing connection with his readers and fans. According to a recent study by Social Media analyzer Visibli, “On average, [celebrities and] artists get 92 ‘Likes’ per post… which is almost twice what brands and media companies get.” With an average of 4,200 “likes” and 350 comments per post—and nearly 65% of his fanbase returning every month to his Facebook Page—Charles’ level of engagement is off the charts, rivaling media stars and first class brands alike, proving that the social nature of relationships is a natural match with the Facebook platform.
Charles has been working directly with thousands of men and women and indirectly with hundreds of thousands via social media. His approach is one of reality and balance, steering clear of techniques that might sound good in a clinical book/setting yet nearly impossible to apply when considering the organic reality of life (kids, bills, jobs, shifting dynamics, outside influences, interpersonal relationships external to the central relationship, etc.).
Charles’ approach to research is unique, as he frequently goes undercover in the worlds of dating, marriage and infidelity, and he is regularly tapped by the media for his insight into relationships and marriage. Most recently, Charles went undercover as a “cheating husband” on the cheater’s website AshleyMadison.com. His story has been read by millions, and has been optioned for a feature film. USA Network sought his expertise for their new show Satisfaction, a groundbreaking show that highlights the cracks and challenges of a long-term marriage, midlife, and infidelity.
Charles is an active member of Mensa (“the High IQ Society”), is a contributing expert for a variety of publications—including Self, Men’s Health, Shape, YourTango—and he writes a weekly column for Metro New York.
We all have a wall in our most intimate relationships. Find out how to take down that wall in a way that works for you. I’ve got the first step laid out for you.
SHOWNOTES
Martina asks her question [5:00]
The first step in dealing with fear. [7:30]
How your parents influence your relationship with your partner. [8:00]
Want to hear how two people move from victim consciousness to a place of empowerment? Alexi and Preston have some bold answers on how to get over your victim mindset when it comes to relationships and your past. If you want to be challenged in a good way, this episode will help you.
SHOWNOTES
How did Preston & Alexi begin their journey of personal transformation? [14:00]
Why do people struggle in relationship? [21:30]
Preston & Alexi’s backpack metaphor that helps them thrive in their relationship struggles. [23:00]
Why Preston couldn’t last 20 minutes watching an HBO show with Alexi. [26:00]
The lessons from their last big fight. [30:00]
Preston shares the biggest tool a man can use during a fight with his partner. [36:00]
The deadly sins of love. [42:00]
The difference between victim and victim consciousness. [45:30]
Alexi shares a traumatic personal experience and how she empowered herself around it. [48:00]
As the Co-Founders and Co-Creators of The Bridge Method, Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles have supported thousands of people who have dramatically changed their lives by participating in their various programs and workshops all over the world.
For the past 10 years, they’ve both dedicated their lives to learning as much as they could about Human Potential, Positive Psychology, NLP, Ontology of Language, Transformative Studies, Somatic Training, and Esoteric Wisdom to step into their own leadership and truly “walk the walk” of this work. They are insanely committed to leading others on this same path, and empowering them to step fully into their unique gifts to create a world that works for everyone.
Recently married, this couple is truly committed to transforming the way the world works, by transforming the lives of individuals. They currently speak and lead workshops all over the world (both together and separate), as well as run their own widely successful inspirational YouTube Channels. Both Preston + Alexi released their first solo books in June 2016 under the publishing house of Simon + Schuster; and will be releasing their first collaborative book with the same publisher in January 2017. http://alexiandpreston.com
