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3 Ways To Inspire Love Over Time – Adam Gilad – SC 29

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This episode was a lot of fun.  Former dedicated David Deida student Adam Gilad brings some excellent advice during this dialogue. We cover fatherhood, dating, marriage, and why Adam couldn’t do relationship early on and what he “figured out” along the way. He also shares his most recent wedding vows and so much more. I think you’re in for a treat here. 

SHOWNOTES:

  • What lead Adam to teach about relationship? [3:55]

[In the world of online dating,] learn what women are saying..and what men are saying.

  • A personal share from Jayson: re-writing marriage vows [12:30]
  • The #1 thing that made Adam ready for deep relationship [13:40]
  • Adam shares his “one vow to rule them all” [15:55]
  • Reframe: the idea of marriage as “hard work” [18:10]
  • Playing the infinite game of love [25:10]
  • Why do people hold back on asking for what they need/want in relationship? [25:10]
  • The difference between finding and inspiring love [29:25]
  • The 3 ways to inspire love  [33:20]
  • Adam’s answer to inspired marriages [43:15]
  • Adam brings a vulnerable share [44:55]
  • Jayson and Adam swap stories of being a father [47:40]

[bctt tweet=”I don’t believe in finding love…I believe in inspiring love, inspiring a partner.”]

BONUS: Listen to Adam’s vulnerable share about a serious battle with shame in the jungle with ayahuasca here http://www.jaysongaddis.com/cocktalk/. You’ll need to sign up, and look out for an email.

HELPFUL LINKS:

The Happy Couple Academy

Stephen Curry

The Enneagram

Finite Infinite Games by James P. Carse

John Gottman – The Love Lab

10 Agreements

 

ABOUT:

adam

A prolific author, speaker, screenwriter, film producer, mentor and coach, Adam Gilad lives to spark his readers, clients and audiences into creating a robust, daring and fearless life of love, adventure and nurturance. An Emmy Nominated Executive Producer, Adam’s award-winning films have appeared on USANetworks, Lifetime and TNT. He has authored over 20 television shows and teaches dating, intimacy and deep eros. Adam has authored countless audio trainings and written several books, specializing in learning the “language” of the other gender, cultivating a dance of the sexes rather than a “battle,” the play of sexual polarity as well as a determined fearlessness in self-awareness, self-evolution, global responsibility, compassion and forgiveness.

For more on Adam, visit his site here.

 
 


 
 

How To Find A Great Marriage Counselor & Other Edgy Relationship Questions – SC 28

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In this 2nd installment of AMAR (Ask Me Anything about Relationships) I dive into your burning questions and it gets a little intense in there! Thanks for bringing it everyone!

SHOWNOTES:

There’s a lot of great questions in here including:

  • How to relate to someone who’s depressed [5:30]
  • How to find a great marriage counselor [17:45]
  • How to get over years of resentments [26:35]
  • What to do if someone is passive aggressive with you [34:25]

And more!

[bctt tweet=”We don’t tend to attract a new type of person until we have shifted internally somehow.”]

Marriage success, over time, isn’t about Band-Aids. It’s about building a foundation from the ground up that’s badass and indestructible.

HELPFUL LINKS:

Co-dependency Podcast Episode

The 1 Proven Method To Reach Your Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Clearing Resentments

Book: Wired For Love

Blog Post: For Guys That Say To Their Girlfriends “You Deserve Better Than Me”

To get your own questions answered on future Q&A podcast episodes, record a question here, or send an email to [email protected].

 

 
 


 
 

Women: 3 Steps To Get Your Man To Show Up In The Relationship – Terry Real – SC 24

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button< This episode was a lot of fun. Terry Real brings the heat for women and men using what he calls “fierce intimacy.” While this episode is for both men and women, it is largely geared toward women who are with a guy who’s not fully on board. He has some great advice for women, while at the same time challenges men to develop their relationship skills. I know you’ll dig this one. SHOWNOTES:

  • Beginning of interview [4:30]
  • Terry shares how he came to be interested in relationship work [5:00]
  • What is “fierce intimacy”? [7:20]

[bctt tweet=”The way you keep a relationship real is to keep it dangerous. – Terry Real”]

  • The difference between a good man and a great man [12:30]
  • Advice for young millennial men [15:00]
  • What Terry says to women who are frustrated with their men [19:30]
  • A lot of men who wont do the work for themselves or for the marriage, will get it and rise to the occasion for the sake of… [23:00]

Speak softly, and carry a big stick. – Terry Real

  • 3 key steps for women to work with their shutdown men (this is very good) [26:oo]

[bctt tweet=”It’s one thing to complain about what you’re not getting, it’s a lot more vulnerable to receive it. – Terry Real” via=”no”]

  • Should women reward their man’s effort with sex? [32:45]
  • The design flaw in the way most therapists do therapy [40:10]
  • Parting comments [50:15]

HELPFUL LINKS: Terry’s Books:

Terry’s Website  Terry’s course: Love and Trauma A simple tip to get your man to come forward: jaysongaddis.com/helpmyman ABOUT: terry Terry Real, married for over 30 years! is an internationally recognized Family Therapist, Speaker and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty five years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy — and greater personal fulfillment. Dude’s got a very long bio, you can read more here.

Finding Flow In Your Marriage – Jamie Wheal – SC 23

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If you’ve ever skied, surfed, or gone outdoor climbing, there’s a good chance you’ve experienced that elusive peak state of awareness referred to as “flow”. Time slows, thoughts disappear, your sense of self seems to merge with the present moment, and everything just…flows! The flow state brings high levels of creativity, learning and connection…all things that we want in our relationships. In this episode, I bring on flow expert Jamie Wheal to dig into an important question: How can we bring this peak state into our long-term partnerships? We also hear deeply personal, wisdom-packed stories from Jamie on the evolution of his partnership.  You’re going to enjoy this one.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Start of interview [0:40]
  • What is the Flow Genome Project? [1:30]
  • What’s the distinction between dopamine rushes, drug highs, and “flow”? [3:50]

There are 3 key components of Flow: 1. Rich Environments, 2. Deep Embodiment, 3. High Consequence

  • Is there a bridge between peak flow states and monogamous relationships? [7:20]

The same hits and rushes I get from haring down a mountain side on skis, or paddling into a big wave, those things are actually — strangely, fascinatingly, wonderfully — reproducible in intimacy with your partner.  What that then allows us, is the ability to make love with one another.  – Jamie

  • What happens when sex is made into a dedicated practice, similar to exercise or flossing? [12:50]
  • “Erotic Tonglen” [16:50]
  • Shares from Jamie’s personal life [22:50]

If this is our container, then we better damn make it a crucible. And let’s turn up the heat.  And any sexual, relational, erotic, interpersonal, desire, drive, interest or inquiry, has to have a home inside our container, or it threatens the integrity of that container. – Jamie

  • What happened to the sexual chemistry when Jamie had kids? [28:05]
  • Is the bedroom a place of withholding or safety? [29:05]
  • The unconscious bargain that Jamie started his marriage with, and had to drop to save the relationship [31:20]
  • What Jamie learned about his relationship at Burning Man [33:00]
  • False notions about enlightenment and soulmates [40:30]
  • Parting Words from Jamie [43:40]

[bctt tweet=”Be kind. And give love away, because you can always make more. – Jamie Wheal”]

HELPFUL LINKS:

For more edgy conversations, head to Cock Talk

Ten Agreements to secure a long term relationship

The Rise of Superman by Steven Kotler

The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck – “Love is a verb, not an emotion”

Orgasmic Meditation

The Flow Genome Project – Website, Facebook Page

ABOUT:

Jamie Wheal, Executive Director of Flow Genome Project, is a leading expert on the neuro-somatics of ultimate human performance. His work ranges from Fortune 500 companies, leading business schools, Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO), to Red Bull and its stable of world-class athletes. He combines a background in expeditionary leadership, wilderness medicine and surf rescue, with over a decade advising high-growth companies on strategy, execution and leadership. He is a sought-after speaker, presenting to diverse and high-performing communities such as YPO, Summit Series, Mai Tai Global, TEDx, and the Advertising Research Foundation.

At the Flow Genome Project, he leads a team of the world’s top scientists, athletes and artists dedicated to reverse-engineering the genome of the peak-performance state known as Flow.

 
 


 
 

How Therapist Bruce Tift Helped Me Have The Balls To Marry My Wife – SC 18

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Bruce was one of THE pivotal factors in helping me marry my wife before she slammed the door shut on me. Hear that story in this episode and why it’s so common for couples to struggle. Bruce offers a powerful frame for relationship and intimacy and makes the distinction between the developmental work we need to do, and the possibility that we are “already free” in relationship. Check it.

SHOWNOTES:

  • How Jayson met Bruce [1:15]
  • “I give [Bruce] credit for saving my marriage” – Jayson [2:30]
  • Start of interview [3:50]
  • How does ambivalence factor into a long-term relationship? [6:15]
  • The interplay of the basic energies of separation and connection [8:30]

[bctt tweet=”An intimate relationship is inherently disturbing – Bruce Tift”]

  • Intimacy vs. Closeness [12:30]
  • Bruce’s core philosophy [15:30]
  • Relationship is like riding a bicycle…it’s all about balance [17:15]

Couples unconsciously collude or agree to maintain problems, because it gives each person a feeling of being solid and significant, even if it’s in a painful way. – Bruce [20:40]

  • A good first step for couples stuck in an adversarial relationship – The practice of personal responsibility  [21:31]
  • Why it’s important to let go of claiming that your partner is the cause of your difficult emotions [23:50]
  • Bruce shares about his marriage [26:00]
  • Bruce shares his story of becoming a therapist [31:00]
  • What is a “successful relationship”? [38:00]

[bctt tweet=”Relating to an intimate partner is guaranteed to force out into the open any unresolved issues we have – Bruce Tift” via=”no”]

  • Bruce shares how parenting has impacted his relationships and his life [42:15]
  • Having kids is a real good practice in how willing are we to let another person just be who they are. [45:40]
  • Sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship [45:50]
  • Approaching sexuality as a disciplined practice [50:30]
  • Bruce talks about personal responsibility [54:40]
  • Bruce shares about his new book Already Free – [1:00:00]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

“Already Free” the audio book

“Already Free” the book

Soundstrue Interview with Bruce

10 Agreements of an Indestructible Marriage

ABOUT:

bruce tift podcast

Bruce Tift, MA, LMFT, has been in private practice since 1979, taught at Naropa University for 25 years, worked in a psychiatric ward and as a family therapist with social services, and has given presentations in the US, Mexico, and Japan. A practitioner of Vajrayana Buddhism for more than 40 years, he had the good fortune to be a student of Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche, and to meet a number of realized teachers. Bruce guesses he’s worked with between 3000 and 4000 couples over the years!

 
 


 
 

MDMA in Relationships? – Dr Will Vanderveer – SC 13

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Can MDMA help our relationships if we do this in a legit way? I explore this question with Dr Vanderveer and we zero in on some key factors if you want to improve your marriage or relationship life using medicine such as MDMA.

SHOWNOTES 

  • Jayson shares his own experiences with MDMA – [1:50]
  • The Low-Down on MDMA trials [4:55]
  • Who is MDMA for? [6:20]

[bctt tweet=”It’s about helping people find their own wisdom. – Dr. Vandeveer re: MDMA/PTSD trials”]

  • What a MDMA-assisted psychotherapy session looks like [8:28]
  • “There’s something really warm and cozy about that” [10:50]
  • Why use MDMA? -Tapping into shared humanity. [13:22]
  • Why does traditional therapy often fall short? [14:45]
  • The importance of integration and structured therapy with MDMA [18:55]
  • Jayson’s MDMA use in college [20:40]

[bctt tweet=”We’re seeing huge changes, in almost everybody. – Dr. Vandeveer on MDMA/PTSD trials”]

  • Learning to use MDMA safely [24:00]
  • The “Quality”Problems that MDMA-assisted-therapy brings [35:55]
  • Jayson’s experience of a facilitated MDMA session [38:05]
  • Integrating these experiences into your relationships [40:30]
  • The context is everything” [44:15]
  • State-Changes vs Trait-Changes [45:30]
  • The future of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy [53:10]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

List of Scheduled Drugs

MAPS – Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies

Research into use of MDMA to treat PTSD

2011 MDMA/PTSD Study

National Psychedelic Symposium

Rick Strassman – The Spirit Molecule

Meet the People Who Want to Make It Safer to Take Drugs at Festivals

Is Ecstasy the Key to Treating Women with PTSD?

 

MDMA podcast

About the Boulder Study:

MDMA in clinical trials has been given to 780 people with only one serious adverse event and no deaths. Per www.mdmaptsd.org

The Boulder study will total out at 26 participants, and altogether will deliver around 100 MDMA sessions to these folks (3 full dose per person and about 20 comparator-dose sessions).

Dr Vanderveer is a co-therapist with 6 participants (so far, 18 8-hour sessions, and a few more to go) and has administered doses to people around 80 times thus far. Needless to say, Dr Vanderveer has a LOT of experience in this setting.

ABOUT Dr Will Vanderveer:

Will Vanderveer, MD is the founder and medical director of the Integrative Psychiatric Healing Center in Boulder, CO, where he has practiced holistic psychiatry for 14 years. Currently he is wrapping up a Phase II randomized clinical trial of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for treatment-resistant post-traumatic stress disorder.

The spiritual and physiological dimensions of traumatic experiences such as Adverse Childhood Events (ACE’s) and their physiological sequelae are a central focus of his clinical work. His skill set includes PTSD psychotherapies such as EMDR and somatic experiencing, adrenal and gut remediation, orthomolecular techniques, hormone balancing, and mindfulness and meditation instruction.

In addition to working with patients, he teaches holistic psychiatry, facilitates shadow work groups, and co-facilitates heal-the healer retreats with Gabor Mate.

For more information, visit and CONNECT with Dr. Will Vanderveer:

Will Vanderveer:

www.willvanderveer.com

Psychiatry Masterclass:

www.psychiatrymasterclass.com

Hear more from Dr Vanderveer In the Smart Couple here: SC 4 – Dr. Will Vanderveer