Hours of Operation: Monday - Friday 9:00 am - 5:00 pm MST
Hours of Operation: Monday - Friday 9:00 am - 5:00 pm MST
Select Page

How Therapist Bruce Tift Helped Me Have The Balls To Marry My Wife – SC 18

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button

Bruce was one of THE pivotal factors in helping me marry my wife before she slammed the door shut on me. Hear that story in this episode and why it’s so common for couples to struggle. Bruce offers a powerful frame for relationship and intimacy and makes the distinction between the developmental work we need to do, and the possibility that we are “already free” in relationship. Check it.

SHOWNOTES:

  • How Jayson met Bruce [1:15]
  • “I give [Bruce] credit for saving my marriage” – Jayson [2:30]
  • Start of interview [3:50]
  • How does ambivalence factor into a long-term relationship? [6:15]
  • The interplay of the basic energies of separation and connection [8:30]

[bctt tweet=”An intimate relationship is inherently disturbing – Bruce Tift”]

  • Intimacy vs. Closeness [12:30]
  • Bruce’s core philosophy [15:30]
  • Relationship is like riding a bicycle…it’s all about balance [17:15]

Couples unconsciously collude or agree to maintain problems, because it gives each person a feeling of being solid and significant, even if it’s in a painful way. – Bruce [20:40]

  • A good first step for couples stuck in an adversarial relationship – The practice of personal responsibility  [21:31]
  • Why it’s important to let go of claiming that your partner is the cause of your difficult emotions [23:50]
  • Bruce shares about his marriage [26:00]
  • Bruce shares his story of becoming a therapist [31:00]
  • What is a “successful relationship”? [38:00]

[bctt tweet=”Relating to an intimate partner is guaranteed to force out into the open any unresolved issues we have – Bruce Tift” via=”no”]

  • Bruce shares how parenting has impacted his relationships and his life [42:15]
  • Having kids is a real good practice in how willing are we to let another person just be who they are. [45:40]
  • Sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship [45:50]
  • Approaching sexuality as a disciplined practice [50:30]
  • Bruce talks about personal responsibility [54:40]
  • Bruce shares about his new book Already Free – [1:00:00]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

“Already Free” the audio book

“Already Free” the book

Soundstrue Interview with Bruce

10 Agreements of an Indestructible Marriage

ABOUT:

bruce tift podcast

Bruce Tift, MA, LMFT, has been in private practice since 1979, taught at Naropa University for 25 years, worked in a psychiatric ward and as a family therapist with social services, and has given presentations in the US, Mexico, and Japan. A practitioner of Vajrayana Buddhism for more than 40 years, he had the good fortune to be a student of Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche, and to meet a number of realized teachers. Bruce guesses he’s worked with between 3000 and 4000 couples over the years!

 
 


 
 

The Smart Couple Podcast

smartcouple-l_3000-horizontal-color

The Smart Couple Podcast is a trail blazing relationship podcast for growth-development oriented people who want a deeply fulfilling long-term relationship. Here we re-write the outdated nonsense of marriage and monogamy and offer you practical, easy to apply tools so you can get the kind of relationship you deserve and then strengthen it over time. Your host Jayson Gaddis once again shares his own traumas and triumphs on the way to “winning*” in marriage (*winning means he can get his connection needs met without compromising his values or integrity). Join him, his wife, and many other relationship geeks as they explore the next chapter of modern monogamy.

 

Subscribe on iTunes and Stitcher (for Android phones) here:

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button

Feedback from the Smart Couple Facebook Group. Join for free!

 

smartcouple_peter_soros_testimonial1

bianca_west2

 

Women’s Sexuality – Christiane Pelmas and Rensselear Resch – SC 17

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button

I got a serious education in this interview with Christiane and Ren. I can get so focused on men’s issues that I lose sight of what’s occurring for women. So, needless to say, this episode was very helpful. Since I have a daughter, I’m particularly interested in how to raise her in a “good” way around her own sexuality. Sure, my wife’s got so much of that covered, but as her Dad, I’m eager to support her unfolding in the most beautiful way possible. So, thanks to these two women and the women who were brave enough to ask some tough questions of themselves and their sexuality. I’m learning and I’m grateful.

SHOWNOTES:

  • What lead Christiane into teaching sexuality [8:20]

[bctt tweet=”There are 3 primary ways we have access to our true self: birth, death, and sex – Christiane Pelmas”]

  • How Ren became a sexual educator – [9:30]
  • What it was like for Ren to grow up in a household that was shame-free around sex – [10:30]
  • Common sexual initiations for girls – [12:30]

Sex and sexuality is a profound portal, to increased self-awareness, increased authentic self-expression, and of course, to intimacy with self, the world and other people. – Christiane

  • Sexual co-exploring between children; when is it ok? – [14:20]
  • Why it’s important for parents to do their own work around sex – [17:20]
  • Common roadblocks for a girl growing into her sexuality – [18:50]
  • Sexual pain-points for women in long-term relationship [21:40]
  • What is Erotic Intelligence? [24:40]
  • Going into sexual wounds to heal them – [27:30]
  • How men try to please women in the bedroom – [36:15]

[bctt tweet=”I’m going to maintain responsibility for my pleasure, and you need to do the same. – Christiane Pelmas”]

  • An example of a cop-out in the bedroom [39:55]
  • What blocks us from knowing what we want in the bedroom- [44:25]
  • Simple practices for women to move toward sovereignty – [50:55]
  • The female orgasm – [58:50]
  • Parting comments – [1:04:55]
  • Q&A Section – [1:07:50]

Here, Ren and Christiane Answer Questions Like:

  • How do I heal the rift between my heart and my sex?
  • What is the biggest obstacle for women to experience orgasm?
  • How do I connect healthily to my sexuality in the midst of a busy life-style?
  • And many more heartfelt questions
  • Outro – [1:50:00]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Previous Podcast with Christiane – Embracing Diversity in Your Partner

Men’s Sexuality Podcast – With David Cates

Jayson Gaddis – Women’s Sexuality

The Magnificent Lover

Magnificent Lover – Sex Education

The Rewilding

The Pleasure Practice

Resources for female anatomy and arousal:

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure by Caffyn Jesse

ABOUT:

Christiane

Christiane Pelmas, MSW, CSB, is a psychotherapist, educator and guide in private practice for more than two decades. She is a Somatic Sex Educator working with couples and individuals in traditional and non-traditional hands-on settings. She is the founder of the pioneering work of ReWilding and the co-founder and principle facilitator for The Magnificent Lover Course for Men.

Ren

Rensselear Resch, MS, CSB, is a somatic sex educator, certified sexological bodyworker and meditation instructor. She works with individuals, couples and communities in experiential and hands-on ways to discover the wisdom and power of the body and the innate generative energy that has us come alive and fully show up—not only in sex, but in our whole lives. Her depth and breadth of experience and skill allows her to serve as Guide and Muse for people from various walks of life.

 
 


 
 

Ayahuasca & Relationships – Geoff Hanzlik and Richard Furr – SC 15

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button

 

INTRO:

Can plant medicine such as Ayahuasca help our marriages? In this episode I interview two very experienced guests who have both done over 500 ceremonies with this sacred medicine. We dive deep into this question, highlighting Ayahuasca’s strengths as a healing modality and where this medicine may fall short when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Jayson’s early Ayahuasca experiences [2:30]
  • Intro to Geoff Hanzlik [4:50]
  • Intro to Richard Furr [5:45]
  • Beginning of interview [6:50]
  • Geoff shares how early depression lead him to Ayahuasca [8:40]

They said to me, it’s something they would give both to their best friend, and to their worst enemy. – Geoff  [9:30]

  • Richard shares how he entered the Ayahuasca path [11:35]
  • What exactly is Ayahuasca? [14:20]
  • Potential dangers and downsides of Ayahuasca [17:35]

[bctt tweet=”Ayahuasca definitely can open the floodgates of the unconscious – Richard Furr”]

  • Can this medicine “make you more sensitive”? [22:45]
  • Is group processing needed before and after ceremonies?  [25:00]
  • Bringing therapy into the conversation [26:00]
  • The greatest thing the medicine taught Jayson [28:50]
  • Does Ayahuasca help with our intimate relationships? [30:55]
  • How would one use Ayahuasca to help their relationship life? [39:30]

[bctt tweet=”It’s very rapid change…therapy combined with Ayahuasca can be really powerful – Geoff Hanzlik”]

  • Richard helps those struggling to integrate their Ayahuasca experience [44:15]
  • Inner depth healing vs. developing relational skills – [48:00]
  • Ayahuasca is not a ‘quick fix’ [51:10]
  • “This isn’t a ‘dabblers’ path” [54:50]
  • Richard shares the dangers of pushing Ayahuasca on others [1:00:00]
  • How are relational dynamics addressed in spiritual communities? [1:05:00]

Virtually everything that could trigger me in a relationship, has a deeper source inside of myself – Richard [1:10:15]

  • Conclusion/outro [1:11:45]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

Ayahuasca Wikipedia Link

Renowned Doctor Gabor Mate on Psychedelics and Unlocking the Unconscious

A short documentary on Santo Daime

Santo Daime Wikipedia Link

MDMA & Relationships Podcast

What LSD, Ayahuasca & My Wife Taught Me About Intimacy

The Ayahuasca Wave

How Do We Integrate The Ayahuasca Experience?

 

ABOUT:

Geoff-MLA-bio

Geoff Hanzlik, M.S.W. is a psychotherapist in private practice in Boulder, Colorado. He also runs a consulting practice for professionals called Tidal Coaching. From 1998 until 2013, Geoff participated in 500+ rituals in the Santo Daime religion as a musician, facilitator, and student. He lives with his wife and 2 children in Boulder.
Geoff Hanzlick’s Website

furr

Richard Furr is a psychotherapist, trauma healing specialist, and consultant in Boulder, Colorado. He loves spending time in nature and exploring relational intimacy with his partner and close friends.  Richard has extensive experience with shamanic healing including training with Stanislav Grof and also underwent a 15 year shamanic initiation/spiritual emergency that included, among many other things, over 500 ayahuasca ceremonies.  Richard specializes in working with spiritual emergency, high intensity fear states, birth trauma and healthy integration of challenging medicine experiences.  Richard hosts 1-on-1 and small group psychotherapy and healing intensives and has clients from around the world.

Richard Furr’s Website

 
 


 
 

MDMA in Relationships? – Dr Will Vanderveer – SC 13

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button

Can MDMA help our relationships if we do this in a legit way? I explore this question with Dr Vanderveer and we zero in on some key factors if you want to improve your marriage or relationship life using medicine such as MDMA.

SHOWNOTES 

  • Jayson shares his own experiences with MDMA – [1:50]
  • The Low-Down on MDMA trials [4:55]
  • Who is MDMA for? [6:20]

[bctt tweet=”It’s about helping people find their own wisdom. – Dr. Vandeveer re: MDMA/PTSD trials”]

  • What a MDMA-assisted psychotherapy session looks like [8:28]
  • “There’s something really warm and cozy about that” [10:50]
  • Why use MDMA? -Tapping into shared humanity. [13:22]
  • Why does traditional therapy often fall short? [14:45]
  • The importance of integration and structured therapy with MDMA [18:55]
  • Jayson’s MDMA use in college [20:40]

[bctt tweet=”We’re seeing huge changes, in almost everybody. – Dr. Vandeveer on MDMA/PTSD trials”]

  • Learning to use MDMA safely [24:00]
  • The “Quality”Problems that MDMA-assisted-therapy brings [35:55]
  • Jayson’s experience of a facilitated MDMA session [38:05]
  • Integrating these experiences into your relationships [40:30]
  • The context is everything” [44:15]
  • State-Changes vs Trait-Changes [45:30]
  • The future of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy [53:10]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

List of Scheduled Drugs

MAPS – Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies

Research into use of MDMA to treat PTSD

2011 MDMA/PTSD Study

National Psychedelic Symposium

Rick Strassman – The Spirit Molecule

Meet the People Who Want to Make It Safer to Take Drugs at Festivals

Is Ecstasy the Key to Treating Women with PTSD?

 

MDMA podcast

About the Boulder Study:

MDMA in clinical trials has been given to 780 people with only one serious adverse event and no deaths. Per www.mdmaptsd.org

The Boulder study will total out at 26 participants, and altogether will deliver around 100 MDMA sessions to these folks (3 full dose per person and about 20 comparator-dose sessions).

Dr Vanderveer is a co-therapist with 6 participants (so far, 18 8-hour sessions, and a few more to go) and has administered doses to people around 80 times thus far. Needless to say, Dr Vanderveer has a LOT of experience in this setting.

ABOUT Dr Will Vanderveer:

Will Vanderveer, MD is the founder and medical director of the Integrative Psychiatric Healing Center in Boulder, CO, where he has practiced holistic psychiatry for 14 years. Currently he is wrapping up a Phase II randomized clinical trial of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for treatment-resistant post-traumatic stress disorder.

The spiritual and physiological dimensions of traumatic experiences such as Adverse Childhood Events (ACE’s) and their physiological sequelae are a central focus of his clinical work. His skill set includes PTSD psychotherapies such as EMDR and somatic experiencing, adrenal and gut remediation, orthomolecular techniques, hormone balancing, and mindfulness and meditation instruction.

In addition to working with patients, he teaches holistic psychiatry, facilitates shadow work groups, and co-facilitates heal-the healer retreats with Gabor Mate.

For more information, visit and CONNECT with Dr. Will Vanderveer:

Will Vanderveer:

www.willvanderveer.com

Psychiatry Masterclass:

www.psychiatrymasterclass.com

Hear more from Dr Vanderveer In the Smart Couple here: SC 4 – Dr. Will Vanderveer

 

 
 


 
 

The 3 Evolutionary Drivers in Relationship – Dr. Keith Witt – SC 12

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button

Man is this guy a force! I dive into a vibrant conversation with integral-psychotherapist and writer Dr. Keith Witt.  Topics range from growth, depression, working with shadow, evolutionary drivers, marriage, parenting and much more.  Bring a notepad for this one! And, get the rewind button ready…

SHOWNOTES:

  • Everything is relationships [2:33]
  • Rediscovering monogamy [4:20]
  • How to “make it” in long term relationship [5:05]
  • Getting aligned in your growth [6:15]

[bctt tweet=”“Being willing to grow means being willing to encounter your own shadow as it emerges” – Dr Keith Witt”]

  • Causes and cures of depression [8:40]
  • Different kinds of shadow [9:55]
  • The two characteristics of humans in relationships [12:43]
  • Understanding our kids’ motivations [16:45]
  • The  Three Evolutionary  ‘drivers’ in relationship (and pitfalls) [18;09]
  • Integral Mindfulness in relationships. [22:54]
  • Relationships and Kids – and tackling the challenges of it [26:13]
  • The transition to middle age [28:37]
  • What Keith Witt does in his relationships – “Romantic Fridays”  [30:24]
  • The ‘evolution’ of our empathy [36:30]
  • The necessity of shame [39:30]

[bctt tweet=”“At some point, you have to decide to grow” – Dr Keith Witt”]

  •  Secure attachment explained [47:15]
  • Developing mindfulness – learn to self observe [53:37]
  • Final Advice from Keith Witt [01:01:30]

shadow3

 

ABOUT KEITH:

Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara, CA. for over forty years. Dr. Witt is the founder of The School of Love, where he offers his School of Love Lecture SeriesblogsTherapist in the Wild web-series, and Integral Conversations audios and videos on health, love, relationship, sexuality, spirituality, development, and psychotherapy related topics.

Keith’s work has explored Integrally Informed Psychotherapy, intimacy, human development, spirituality, and sexuality yielding five books (Integral Mindfulness, Waking Up, Sessions, The Attuned Familyand The Gift of Shame), three TEDx talks, and lectures and classes which he has taught across the U.S. Waking Up and its companion volume, Sessions, are two of the first texts on Integrally Informed Psychotherapy.

His popular audio class, Loving Completely, is offered through Integral Life. Keith has conducted over fifty-five thousand therapy sessions, led many groups, and has been a contributor to Integral Life and the Journal of Integral Theory and Practice.

In presentations around the country–including Integral Life’s What’s Next, Integral Theories Conferences, and his ongoing series, The Shrink and the Pundit with Jeff Salzman–Keith has explored love, intra and interpersonal relationships, and development from multiple perspectives, weaving neuroscience, Integral theory, wisdom traditions, and numerous forms of psychotherapy into a coherent cosmology of love and development. Check out his new book, Integral Mindfulnesshis audio series Loving Completelyon Integral Life, and his website, drkeithwitt.com.