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Cock Talk – 4 Men Getting Really Honest – SC 22

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In this episode, I’m joined by a panel of courageous men: Booster Blake, Jeffrey Platts, Adrial Dale, and Christopher Sunyata.  These men have all done work on themselves, and so are able to get honest and talk openly about their sexuality, their victories and challenges with intimacy, with relationship, and with their bodies in the bedroom.  I think you’ll appreciate the transparency of these men.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Beginning of interview [6:45]
  • Adrial introduces himself [6:50]
  • Jeffrey introduces himself [7:35]
  • Booster Blake introduces himself [8:45]
  • Christopher introduces himself [10:10]
  • The men briefly describe their relationships to their cock [13:00]
  • When did you first learn to masturbate, and what was it like? [17:30]
  • Did you ever have a sexual experience with a boy? [24:00]
  • If you played with other boys when you were young, did you ever have any doubts that you were gay because you enjoyed it? [27:05]
  • How has porn negatively or positively affected your sex life? [29:45]

You don’t get your time back.  So the time I was spending investing in these pixels, these women on a screen, I could have been investing in actual relationships. — Jeffrey

  • Where do these men draw the line when it comes to fantasizing about other women? [37:30]
  • What’s a victory, or celebratory moment, you’ve had with your cock? [42:00]
  • What are your thoughts on working to transcend pornography?  [48:00]
  • A listening woman asks: What is the best segue to bring up sexual topics when there is shame around the topic? [52:45]

It’s so ironic…whenever shame comes up, it’s an opportunity for much deeper intimacy. – Adrial

  • What kind of shame have men experienced that have been put on their cocks or their sexuality by women? [58:30]
  • If the woman asks for something different in the bedroom, does a man take this personally and feel like he is not a good enough lover? [1:05:30]
  • Final comments [1:12:45]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

Cock Talk Sign-Up

Cock Talk Episode – With David Cates

 

ABOUT:

Christopher:

Vast physical pleasure, deep love, and even union with divine source can be experienced through sex. Sexual energy is the source of all life in this world. Christopher Sunyata teaches people how to embrace their sexual power and artfully conduct it through their body and intimate relationships, integrating this power into their whole life. Drawing upon decades of practice and study under masters of sexual yoga, Taoist exercises, and Buddhist meditation, he teaches ancient body-centered practices without dogma or esoteric language, leading people to discover the secret wisdom already present within their own body. By learning to trust this wisdom within their body, people can reclaim passion and life energy that is their birthright, and create intimate relationships that deepen in love and chemistry over the years.

Prior to teaching he was a successful international project manager responsible for over a billion dollars in revenue, a medical device engineer with seven patents, and a ceramic artist. He has raised four children, two of his own, including one who has significant disabilities. He lives in Boulder, Colorado with his beloved wife Karlene.

http://christophersunyata.com/

Jeffrey:

jeffrey platts

Jeffrey Platts is a love & life coach for men. With over 20 years of personal study and transformational training, his superpower is helping men clear out the “noise” so they can choose and create an amazing life that they maybe didn’t even know was on the menu. There is no secret “code” or “formula” to hack, only three necessary ingredients: awareness, choice and action. He brings a rich toolbox of insights and experiences, integrating his adventures as a DJ, amateur stand-up comedian, salsa dancer, yoga teacher and world traveler.

Jeffrey Platts website

Booster Blake:

booster

Blake is a transformational life coach helping people align their lives with their authentic desires. He works with couples, men, and women in areas of non-violent communication, sexual empowerment, conscious parenting, and personal transformation. His success with clients emerges from a foundation of loving presence and no bullshit reflection. He can be reached on Facebook at Booster Blake or by email at [email protected]

Adrial:

Headshots

Here’s the deal:  I LOVE supporting people in dropping anything that doesn’t make them feel totally and fully ALIVE in the world.  It’s all of our birthrights to fully live. So whether you’re 1) struggling with intimacy, sexuality or shame from having an STD (I’m a resiliency coach) or 2) a struggling business owner and want to build an audience and an awesome online presence (I’m a community leader/graphic designer/marketer/visionary) or 3) wanting to unleash your aliveness through meditative movement and dance (I’m a movement flow junkie and co-creator of SlowFlow dance), then I got news for you:  We need to talk…Like, Now.  Love, Adrial.

Adrial Life Coaching

Herpes Opportunity

Slow Flow Dance

Adrial Designs

 
 


 
 

Conflict Is Good News – Diane Musho Hamilton – SC 20

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I really enjoyed this conversation with Zen teacher Diane Hamilton. She brings such a genuine willingness to move toward what’s uncomfortable in our relationships. We explore why she left the mormon church and how she got into zen practice. We also take a good look at parenting, marriage, and why it’s so paramount to be able to take our partner’s point of view. I know you’ll appreciate this dialogue.

SHOWNOTES:

  • A special guest kicks off the podcast [0:10]
  • Beginning of the interview [5:20]
  • Diane shares the arc of her life up to this point [6:00]
  • Diane’s “genius zone”: Meditation and Mediation [10:00]

I don’t want peace at the sake of low energy, nor do I want high energy at the sake of harmony.  Those qualities both matter. – Diane Musho Hamilton

  • Skill with conflict = comfort with difference [16:00]

A couple that can take each other’s perspectives, as well as perspectives from their children or perspectives from the outside, generally points to a couple that has more flexibility and more range in their relationship. – Diane Musho Hamilton

  • Diane shares about the relationship dynamic with her husband [19:30]
  • Diane defines conflict: “Extreme difference that is fueled by emotion, and is very disruptive to the system” [21:00]
  • Why is conflict “good news”? [22:10]
  • The 3 styles of conflict [24:15]
    • Avoidance
    • Accommodation
    • Aggression
  • How Diane uses meditation to work with conflict [29:00]
  • Diane demos mindfulness meditation [32:50]

[bctt tweet=”If you can’t sit with yourself, then you can’t really sit with anyone else – Diane Musho Hamilton “]

  • The yogic practice of hearing perspectives we don’t agree with [39:00]
  • Bringing Zen and Integral into conflict [45:40]

[bctt tweet=”The more developed a person is, the more perspectives they can take. – Diane Musho Hamilton”]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Dumb Fights

My upcoming Conflict Webinar

Diane’s Website

Diane’s Book: Everything Is Workable 

10 Directions

The Integral Map

The Enneagram

Zen Buddhism

ABOUT:

Diane-Hamilton-podcast

Diane Musho Hamilton is an exceptionally gifted mediator, group facilitator, and one of the authentic contemporary spiritual teachers of our time.

Combining decades of innovation in conflict resolution with an enthusiasm for life, she knows how to address the challenges of our modern experience with an uncommon spiritual perspective.

With extraordinary warmth, depth and insight, she encourages us to consciously evolve beyond old and limited ideas of who we are so that we might discover our own unique expression of wisdom and of compassion in this time.

 
 


 
 

How Therapist Bruce Tift Helped Me Have The Balls To Marry My Wife – SC 18

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Bruce was one of THE pivotal factors in helping me marry my wife before she slammed the door shut on me. Hear that story in this episode and why it’s so common for couples to struggle. Bruce offers a powerful frame for relationship and intimacy and makes the distinction between the developmental work we need to do, and the possibility that we are “already free” in relationship. Check it.

SHOWNOTES:

  • How Jayson met Bruce [1:15]
  • “I give [Bruce] credit for saving my marriage” – Jayson [2:30]
  • Start of interview [3:50]
  • How does ambivalence factor into a long-term relationship? [6:15]
  • The interplay of the basic energies of separation and connection [8:30]

[bctt tweet=”An intimate relationship is inherently disturbing – Bruce Tift”]

  • Intimacy vs. Closeness [12:30]
  • Bruce’s core philosophy [15:30]
  • Relationship is like riding a bicycle…it’s all about balance [17:15]

Couples unconsciously collude or agree to maintain problems, because it gives each person a feeling of being solid and significant, even if it’s in a painful way. – Bruce [20:40]

  • A good first step for couples stuck in an adversarial relationship – The practice of personal responsibility  [21:31]
  • Why it’s important to let go of claiming that your partner is the cause of your difficult emotions [23:50]
  • Bruce shares about his marriage [26:00]
  • Bruce shares his story of becoming a therapist [31:00]
  • What is a “successful relationship”? [38:00]

[bctt tweet=”Relating to an intimate partner is guaranteed to force out into the open any unresolved issues we have – Bruce Tift” via=”no”]

  • Bruce shares how parenting has impacted his relationships and his life [42:15]
  • Having kids is a real good practice in how willing are we to let another person just be who they are. [45:40]
  • Sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship [45:50]
  • Approaching sexuality as a disciplined practice [50:30]
  • Bruce talks about personal responsibility [54:40]
  • Bruce shares about his new book Already Free – [1:00:00]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

“Already Free” the audio book

“Already Free” the book

Soundstrue Interview with Bruce

10 Agreements of an Indestructible Marriage

ABOUT:

bruce tift podcast

Bruce Tift, MA, LMFT, has been in private practice since 1979, taught at Naropa University for 25 years, worked in a psychiatric ward and as a family therapist with social services, and has given presentations in the US, Mexico, and Japan. A practitioner of Vajrayana Buddhism for more than 40 years, he had the good fortune to be a student of Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche, and to meet a number of realized teachers. Bruce guesses he’s worked with between 3000 and 4000 couples over the years!

 
 


 
 

Women’s Sexuality – Christiane Pelmas and Rensselear Resch – SC 17

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I got a serious education in this interview with Christiane and Ren. I can get so focused on men’s issues that I lose sight of what’s occurring for women. So, needless to say, this episode was very helpful. Since I have a daughter, I’m particularly interested in how to raise her in a “good” way around her own sexuality. Sure, my wife’s got so much of that covered, but as her Dad, I’m eager to support her unfolding in the most beautiful way possible. So, thanks to these two women and the women who were brave enough to ask some tough questions of themselves and their sexuality. I’m learning and I’m grateful.

SHOWNOTES:

  • What lead Christiane into teaching sexuality [8:20]

[bctt tweet=”There are 3 primary ways we have access to our true self: birth, death, and sex – Christiane Pelmas”]

  • How Ren became a sexual educator – [9:30]
  • What it was like for Ren to grow up in a household that was shame-free around sex – [10:30]
  • Common sexual initiations for girls – [12:30]

Sex and sexuality is a profound portal, to increased self-awareness, increased authentic self-expression, and of course, to intimacy with self, the world and other people. – Christiane

  • Sexual co-exploring between children; when is it ok? – [14:20]
  • Why it’s important for parents to do their own work around sex – [17:20]
  • Common roadblocks for a girl growing into her sexuality – [18:50]
  • Sexual pain-points for women in long-term relationship [21:40]
  • What is Erotic Intelligence? [24:40]
  • Going into sexual wounds to heal them – [27:30]
  • How men try to please women in the bedroom – [36:15]

[bctt tweet=”I’m going to maintain responsibility for my pleasure, and you need to do the same. – Christiane Pelmas”]

  • An example of a cop-out in the bedroom [39:55]
  • What blocks us from knowing what we want in the bedroom- [44:25]
  • Simple practices for women to move toward sovereignty – [50:55]
  • The female orgasm – [58:50]
  • Parting comments – [1:04:55]
  • Q&A Section – [1:07:50]

Here, Ren and Christiane Answer Questions Like:

  • How do I heal the rift between my heart and my sex?
  • What is the biggest obstacle for women to experience orgasm?
  • How do I connect healthily to my sexuality in the midst of a busy life-style?
  • And many more heartfelt questions
  • Outro – [1:50:00]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Previous Podcast with Christiane – Embracing Diversity in Your Partner

Men’s Sexuality Podcast – With David Cates

Jayson Gaddis – Women’s Sexuality

The Magnificent Lover

Magnificent Lover – Sex Education

The Rewilding

The Pleasure Practice

Resources for female anatomy and arousal:

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston

Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure by Caffyn Jesse

ABOUT:

Christiane

Christiane Pelmas, MSW, CSB, is a psychotherapist, educator and guide in private practice for more than two decades. She is a Somatic Sex Educator working with couples and individuals in traditional and non-traditional hands-on settings. She is the founder of the pioneering work of ReWilding and the co-founder and principle facilitator for The Magnificent Lover Course for Men.

Ren

Rensselear Resch, MS, CSB, is a somatic sex educator, certified sexological bodyworker and meditation instructor. She works with individuals, couples and communities in experiential and hands-on ways to discover the wisdom and power of the body and the innate generative energy that has us come alive and fully show up—not only in sex, but in our whole lives. Her depth and breadth of experience and skill allows her to serve as Guide and Muse for people from various walks of life.

 
 


 
 

Cock Talk – Men’s Sexual Issues – David Cates – SC 16

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INTRO:

This is another great podcast, and our first one around sexuality, especially as it pertains to men (women’s sexuality coming in the next episode). David and I explore my own challenges and triumphs and what’s going on in the male mind when it comes to getting stuck around “performing” in the bedroom. You’ll dig it.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Intro to David Cates [1:16]
  • Start of the interview [4:00]
  • How Jayson reached out to David when he was struggling sexually [5:25]
  • Men stuck in the “performance game” [8:05]

The struggle is designed to get you back home, to your heart” – Jayson [8:51]

  • Your Cock is a Barometer. Learn to trust it [9:04]

We can shift off the fear that I’m being betrayed by my cock, and into the inquiry or curiosity about: what is my cock really trying to show me?  Whats the message here, what do I need to be learning about?” – David [10:15]

[bctt tweet=”We use porn as a drug – David Cates”]

  • What performance-based sex looks like  [14:45]
  • A hallmark of fully mature sex [16:00]

[bctt tweet= “Fully mature sex: one of the hallmarks of it is the ability to be awkward and laugh… – David Cates”]

  • Where to start developing a mature sex life [18:58]
  • Sexual pain is just a signal for attention [21:00]
  • When porn becomes a problem [24:00]

The anti-venom to porn is to be in our bodies, and be in our hearts” -David

  • What to do when given the advice “just have sex” [27:55]
  • Partner Intimacy Practice 31:30]

“This practice gently resets the nervous system out of adrenaline and cortisal, and into a more oxytocin state of connection and safety and let-go and trust.” – David

  • How to do your deep breathing in the practice [38:33]
  • How to touch each other in the practice [40:00]
  • What about performance anxiety for women? [42:56]
  • Finding the right pace – and getting unstuck from your habits [46:34]
  • Rediscovering your heart in your sex life [49:00]
  • Giving yourself permission to be who you are in the bedroom [54:00]
  • The one thing a listener could take from David Cates [56:20]

“That’s where all the problems happen: when we’re performing to an ideal, and when we’re expecting an ideal, instead of the messy, beautiful, chaotic perfection of each moment and each person.”  – David [57:15]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

Information on the vagus nerve

Information on polyvagal theory

Potential negative impacts of porn

Travel Tips: Bali

If you want to go deeper, you can listen to Jayson and David discuss PE, here.  And if you want a detailed description of David’s partner practice, you can find that here.

If you’ve been struggling with erectile dysfunction, or you are a woman whose man has been dealing with ED, click here.

ABOUT:

david

“Don’t take my word for anything. Try it out and see for yourself. I’m just a messenger… one who’s been paying attention to bodies for decades. It’s amazing how much you can learn when you’re not obsessing with your own bullshit.” – David

 
 


 
 

Ayahuasca & Relationships – Geoff Hanzlik and Richard Furr – SC 15

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INTRO:

Can plant medicine such as Ayahuasca help our marriages? In this episode I interview two very experienced guests who have both done over 500 ceremonies with this sacred medicine. We dive deep into this question, highlighting Ayahuasca’s strengths as a healing modality and where this medicine may fall short when it comes to interpersonal relationships.

SHOWNOTES:

  • Jayson’s early Ayahuasca experiences [2:30]
  • Intro to Geoff Hanzlik [4:50]
  • Intro to Richard Furr [5:45]
  • Beginning of interview [6:50]
  • Geoff shares how early depression lead him to Ayahuasca [8:40]

They said to me, it’s something they would give both to their best friend, and to their worst enemy. – Geoff  [9:30]

  • Richard shares how he entered the Ayahuasca path [11:35]
  • What exactly is Ayahuasca? [14:20]
  • Potential dangers and downsides of Ayahuasca [17:35]

[bctt tweet=”Ayahuasca definitely can open the floodgates of the unconscious – Richard Furr”]

  • Can this medicine “make you more sensitive”? [22:45]
  • Is group processing needed before and after ceremonies?  [25:00]
  • Bringing therapy into the conversation [26:00]
  • The greatest thing the medicine taught Jayson [28:50]
  • Does Ayahuasca help with our intimate relationships? [30:55]
  • How would one use Ayahuasca to help their relationship life? [39:30]

[bctt tweet=”It’s very rapid change…therapy combined with Ayahuasca can be really powerful – Geoff Hanzlik”]

  • Richard helps those struggling to integrate their Ayahuasca experience [44:15]
  • Inner depth healing vs. developing relational skills – [48:00]
  • Ayahuasca is not a ‘quick fix’ [51:10]
  • “This isn’t a ‘dabblers’ path” [54:50]
  • Richard shares the dangers of pushing Ayahuasca on others [1:00:00]
  • How are relational dynamics addressed in spiritual communities? [1:05:00]

Virtually everything that could trigger me in a relationship, has a deeper source inside of myself – Richard [1:10:15]

  • Conclusion/outro [1:11:45]

 

HELPFUL LINKS:

Ayahuasca Wikipedia Link

Renowned Doctor Gabor Mate on Psychedelics and Unlocking the Unconscious

A short documentary on Santo Daime

Santo Daime Wikipedia Link

MDMA & Relationships Podcast

What LSD, Ayahuasca & My Wife Taught Me About Intimacy

The Ayahuasca Wave

How Do We Integrate The Ayahuasca Experience?

 

ABOUT:

Geoff-MLA-bio

Geoff Hanzlik, M.S.W. is a psychotherapist in private practice in Boulder, Colorado. He also runs a consulting practice for professionals called Tidal Coaching. From 1998 until 2013, Geoff participated in 500+ rituals in the Santo Daime religion as a musician, facilitator, and student. He lives with his wife and 2 children in Boulder.
Geoff Hanzlick’s Website

furr

Richard Furr is a psychotherapist, trauma healing specialist, and consultant in Boulder, Colorado. He loves spending time in nature and exploring relational intimacy with his partner and close friends.  Richard has extensive experience with shamanic healing including training with Stanislav Grof and also underwent a 15 year shamanic initiation/spiritual emergency that included, among many other things, over 500 ayahuasca ceremonies.  Richard specializes in working with spiritual emergency, high intensity fear states, birth trauma and healthy integration of challenging medicine experiences.  Richard hosts 1-on-1 and small group psychotherapy and healing intensives and has clients from around the world.

Richard Furr’s Website