I recently started something new. I changed my career. I changed my life. I trained and studied for a year with Jayson Gaddis and became a Certified Relationship Coach. Now I am on a new path and I’m feeling really energized and exposed.
It’s invigorating and scary to put myself out there. To move toward the discomfort of possible “rejection” or “failure” that I may experience… And I know that real authentic connection happens in my life when I let myself be seen. I know that I step into my power when I am willing to be vulnerable and share myself.
So here are a few pieces of me that I would like you to see, and perhaps in seeing me in my power and in my vulnerability, and most of all in my humanness, you will be reminded that you aren’t alone on your journey.
I want you to know that I am different now than I used to be. I am different today than I was yesterday, last week, or last year, and I am certainly much different than I was several years ago when I began a deep dive into my own personal discovery and growth. Now, when people tell me how I have changed, I think “Thank goodness!” I am on the path…my path…and I am growing!
I want you to know that personal growth is the center axis of my life. I want to continue to understand myself more, to learn and evolve and integrate new ways of authentically expressing my truth, so I can connect more deeply with myself and show up more fully for my people, my fellow travelers, my fellow humans.
I want you to know that I spent years without feeling connected. Without realizing it, I silenced my own inner voice, making it small and unimportant (as I was conditioned to do), until I didn’t know how to recognize or find my own truth. I lived a life that subscribed to what other people thought I should do…and I often I felt a distant stranger to myself.
I want you to know that I spent years distancing myself from those around me. I surrounded myself with people, and I felt alone. I didn’t really let people in, let them see me or let them love me, and it took a lot of work for me to see this unconscious pattern. What I really wanted was to have deep meaningful relationships in my life, but I was often afraid to show myself. Even when I did try to open up, I was afraid to let anyone know that maybe I didn’t quite “have it all together”.
I want you to know that I know how to be strong on the outside. I know how put on a smile. I know how to perform. I know how to work hard and make things happen. These are strategies that I developed through my childhood based on my particular background and wounding. I know now that these strategies have both propelled me forward and held me back. And I embrace both sides.
I want you to know that I don’t always want to “be strong” on the outside. I made a conscious decision several years ago to start the process of lowering some of my walls. It was a process that required trust and support from mentors and teachers to help show me the way. I took chances on being vulnerable and exposed. Over time, I did the work on myself to get to a place in my path where I now have a choice. I can choose to give myself permission to show up just as I am – messy, emotional and all – and know that there is strength in showing vulnerability too.
I want you to know that on the inside, I am highly sensitive. I feel. A lot. I feel other people’s energy, sometimes as if it is my own. And I feel my own emotions strongly. I am learning to embrace this as a powerful part of me in all of its heart-opening pain and beauty. I am learning to lean into and fully own my sensitivity as a strength to be celebrated.
I want you to know that I believe we are all interwoven together on the common path of human experience.
Wishing you wide eyes, an open heart, and strong arms to climb the mountain of your own hero’s journey.