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How Your Tone Of Voice Can Help or Hurt Your Marriage

by | March 12, 2015
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Couples fight about this one a lot.

“You’re using that tone with me again.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

“All I said was ___________, Geez, why are you overreacting?”

You know this one right?

When it comes to long-term partnership, tone of voice is a big deal.

The most subtle of tones can be like lightly plucking a guitar string…your partner feels it, hears it, and registers it in their body and it can shut them down, or lift them up depending on their nervous system’s history and memory.

If your partner says you have a tone, and you think you don’t, do something different for a change…

Instead of getting defensive like you often do, just try taking their word for it, that your tone is enough to upset them.

Your tone of voice is mimicking a tone they grew up with. So, their experience is valid regardless of what you think your tone is.

That’s right.

It’s 100% valid.

So, no need to waste your energy getting defensive.

Just trust they are impacted by your tone of voice, get their world, validate their feelings and work on softening your tone even more. Because you want to be heard right? Right. (all skills I’m teaching in an upcoming free training. Stay tuned).

And, meanwhile, they can work on not getting hijacked by your tone and instead see your tone as an opportunity to heal an old hurt.

This way, you are both working on the dynamic together, thus becoming a smart couple.

Because after all, you both want to feel seen and understood.

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