monogamy Archives - Page 6 of 11 - The Relationship School®

100% Responsibility Vs When To Leave The Relationship & Other Relationship Questions – SC 56

Your relationship questions are answered in this episode. We cover a lot of ground. One theme is how to deal with “value” differences in an intimate relationship. This one is really good because it can tear a relationship apart trying to fit each other into your respective boxes of how you prefer they be.

SHOWNOTES

How long to wait for your partner to blend your families and get married? [7:15]
How can partners adapt in a relationship when one partner has a chronic illness? [11:45]
Why do men lie? [14:00]
What’s the reason our relationship improves when my man hangs out with this guy friends? [17:30]
How to tell your guy about erectile dysfunction without making it worse? [20:00]
What skills are best to use when you’re highly triggered and avoid an argument? [21:45]
How to keep childhood issues from breaking up your relationship? [23:45]
How do you know when to take 100% responsibility and when to leave a partner who is not willing to do the work? [26:00]
What if your ex is creating challenges for me to blend families with my new partner? [30:00]
When you have different values, what’s the best way to deal with that? [33:30]
Does it make sense to avoid dating men whose taxi light isn’t on, like Miranda said in Sex & The City?
What about when partners have opposite views on how to handle money in a relationship? [40:45]
Long-distance relationships: how do I get my man to show me that he’s emotionally ready to commit? [42:45]
What should a woman do with her kids when their dad just walks out? [44:15]
How to deal with a man who is emotionally unavailable? [46:45]
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The Purpose Of Relationship Pain – SC 55

Relationship pain has a very clear purpose. If you are hip to it, you’ll thrive in relationships. If you are uneducated here, you’ll run away and play the victim. Direct and to the point, I suggest a very important daily practice for you to strengthen your mindset about long-term partnership. Pain hurts indeed. And, what if pain was your ally in disguise?

SHOWNOTES

Your only two choices you have about your relationship pain [4:30]
What is one of the harshest versions of relational pain [6:00]
The first thing to NOT do when in relationship pain. [11:00]
The good news about pain and stress [15:45]
What happens when you just bounce from relationship to relationship. [17:00]
The link between your emotional pain and your numbing habits. [21:45]
What makes someone really unattractive. [25:00]

Relationship Pain Daily Practice

I have two choices with my relationship pain:

1. Use it to make me weaker by whining, complaining, and blaming others (or myself).
2. Use it to make me stronger by seeing it as my ally to master the lesson it’s bringing me.

It’s 100% of the time up to me to choose.

HELPFUL LINKS

How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin – SC 53

Do attachment principles actually work in adult relationships? How can secure functioning assist you and your partner into greater safety and openness in your marriage? In this episode I talk with Stan Tatkin, couple therapist, and adult attachment guru. I’ve been studying this guy for the past 2 years through my wife. He’s making a very important contribution, backed by brain science, with the neuro psychobiological approach to how adults to long-term relationship successfully. Get ready to “parent” your partner! Yikes! I learned a lot here and am eager to share his work with you.

SHOWNOTES

How did Stan get into becoming a therapist? [5:45]
What is “secure functioning”? [13:00]
How is secure functioning different than “co-dependency”? [21:45]
What does a co-dependent dynamic look like in real life? [22:30]
Are we re-parenting ourselves with our chosen partners? [28:00]
What is a “master regulator” in a relationship? How to tell if that’s you. [31:30]
How to avoid choosing a partner who is not a good fit for a secure functioning model? [32:30]
When dating, here’s one thing you MUST do. [35:00]
What is the allostatic load and how does it impact both your body and relationships? [38:00]
The antidote to when a relationship goes on auto-pilot. [47:00]
Island, Anchor, Wave and why they matter in your relationship. [48:00]
The myth of “you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else”. [52:00]
Does your therapist also need to be in a thriving partnership [55:00]
Why does Stan say that “dating lasts forever”? [56:30]
Stan’s big tip on how couples can stimulate their marriage on a daily basis [58:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

[“We are hurt by people and we are healed by people. — Stan Tatkin”]

Guest Bio

Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a couple therapist known for his pioneering work in helping partners form happy, secure, and long-lasting relationships. His method-called PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy)-draws on principles of neuroscience and teaches partners to become what he terms “secure-functioning.

Together with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, Dr. Tatkin founded the PACT Institute to train psychotherapists and other professionals how to incorporate his method into their practices with couples. Therapists from all over the world are being trained in this breakthrough approach.

Dr. Tatkin has a private practice in Calabasas, CA, and is an assistant professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is the author of several books, including the bestselling Wired For Love and Wired For Dating published by New Harbinger. StanTatkin.com

How & Why My Wife And I Chose Marriage – SC 50

In this episode, I bring on my better half, my wife to rock it out with me. We had fun exploring the early stages of our relationship and what had us “choose” each other. There are some funny and not so funny shares in this one. I’m grateful Ellen is joining us here and here’s to more to come from the two of us.

SHOWNOTES

How did Jayson and Ellen first meet? [9:07]
What you must learn about your partner before you decide to spend your life together. [14:30]
What had Ellen ask Jayson out? [15:05]
Shitty advice Jayson got from a therapist and an astrologer. [18:45]
How did Jayson overcome his “grass is always greener” pattern? [24:40]
One of Jayson’s best accomplishments of his life. [28:00]
The simple yet powerful distinction that Ellen did that allowed Jayson to choose to commit. [30:15]
How do you know if your partner is “The One”? [33:45]
A huge thing that must happen before you should even consider marriage. [35:00]
Jayson’s challenge to the listener, both for those in a relationship and single. [43:15]
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HELPFUL LINKS

Men And Their Relationship Issues – SC 48

In this short episode, I cover why men are so locked up relationally and 3 steps to help a guy transform this so that, you both can have a great relationship.

SHOWNOTES

What is at the core of men’s challenges in modern day. [3:20]
Some of the big pain points for men in relationships. [4:45]
What is the “boy code”? [5:15]
How Jayson struggled in relationships. [6:30]
Do men really know how to listen? [8:15]
Why shouldn’t believe when your man says he’s just “in a bad mood.” [12:00]
The missing step after getting good feedback. [15:05]
Jayson’s challenge to the men. [17:40]

HELPFUL LINKS

Want A Peaceful Relationship? Learn This – SC 46

In this episode I give you 3 steps toward a more peaceful relationship. And, when I talk about peace in a relationship, it isn’t the BS fantasy most people think of. Check it out.

SHOWNOTES