Chris and Billy Jo are two podcast listeners who won a chance to be interviewed and laser coached by me on the podcast. As you listen, pay close attention to their dynamic, their openness to feedback and most importantly a commitment to growing individually and as a couple. If you got value from this episode format, please share your feedback in The Smart Couple Facebook Group and I’ll do more!
SHOWNOTES
How did Chris & Billiejo meet and how long have they been together? [8:00]
When did they know it was the right time to tell the kids about their relationship? [11:15]
Their advice for couples on how to introduce your kids to your new dating partner? [13:30]
How has The Smart Couple Podcast helped Chris & Billiejo in their relationship? [15:30]
The big lesson that Billiejo learned from a big fight with Chris [19:00]
Jayson gives his laser coaching on how to move beyond their repeating patterns. [20:15]
The best reframe to heal from blame and resentment with an ex. [24:00]
What to do to move beyond infidelity. [28:30]
Jayson gives an action step to heal and process blame. [34:00]
Congratulations to our contest winners from Episode 64!
Lauren L. – 1 Ticket Live Relationship School Weekend
Denise F. & John F. – Indestructible Partnerships
Brandy – One 45 minute coaching session with Jayson
Codependency gets a bad rap. Parenting your partner? Who wants be married to their mom or dad? But there’s more to the story here. And lots of gold if you’re willing to reframe and play the “attachment” game in your primary relationship. My wife Ellen joins me again with her attachment knowledge and personal experience on how to track and parent your partner. We give some personal examples from our marriage as well.
SHOWNOTES
Why do people freak out when they hear the idea of “parenting your partner” or “co-dependency”? [13:30]
What is attachment in a relationship? [18:00]
The huge benefit of using the lens of attachment in a relationship. [20:30]
What does it mean to parent your partner? [21:45]
Track my partner? What does that even mean? [23:45]
The “secure home base” and how it can be a great barometer of the relationship. [25:30]
The physiological cost of not giving attention to your primary relationship. [27:45]
3 action steps you can take today to improve your relationship. [29:30]
Most of us have no idea how damaging relational stress can be. In this episode, legendary medical doctor and psycho-physio-spiritual trailblazer Dr. Gabor Maté brings some very grounded, practical examples of how relationship stress can impact our lives. The result of stress can be seen throughout the web of our life and it’s up to us to learn how to relate and attach well to our fellow humans. I love how this man turns such complicated topics into common sense. If you want a deeper cut about your marriage, children, or any stressful relationship, this episode is a must listen. SHOWNOTES
Why we’re evolutionarily wired to get high off of the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. [2:30]
What happens when Gabor’s wife forgets to pick him up at the airport. [13:30]
How our partners are perfectly suited to help us grow. [15:35]
What happened in Gabor’s childhood that makes his wife a perfect match for him now. [18:00]
The long-term cost of not dealing with stress. [20:00]
How parents can be compromised by raising their children. [22:30]
The link between our relationship health and our physical and mental health. [24:30]
What’s the best way to deal with our own relational and attachment issues? [34:00]
Why relational healing modalities are so effective. [38:00]
What we can learn from pygmy cultures about parenting and relationships. [40:30]
How relationship can most effectively be taught to children. [42:00]
The effect of Facebook and Internet on kids. [46:00]
GUEST BIO A renowned speaker, and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development. Rather than offering quick-fix solutions to these complex issues, Dr. Maté weaves together scientific research, case histories, and his own insights and experience to present a broad perspective that enlightens and empowers people to promote their own healing and that of those around them. For twelve years Dr. Maté worked in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside with patients challenged by hard-core drug addiction, mental illness and HIV, including at Vancouver’s Supervised Injection Site. With over 20 years of family practice and palliative care experience and extensive knowledge of the latest findings of leading-edge research, Dr. Maté is a sought-after speaker and teacher, regularly addressing health professionals, educators, and lay audiences throughout North America and internationally. As an author, Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction; When the Body Says No:The Cost of Hidden Stress (published in the United States as When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection); and Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder (published in the United States as Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What you Can Do About It), and co-authored Hold on to Your Kids. His works have been published internationally in twenty languages. Dr. Maté is the co-founder of Compassion for Addiction, a new non-profit that focusses on addiction. He is also an advisor of Drugs over Dinner. Dr. Maté has received the Hubert Evans Prize for Literary Non-Fiction; an Honorary Degree (Law) from the University of Northern British Columbia; an Outstanding Alumnus Award from Simon Fraser University; the 2012 Martin Luther King Humanitarian Award from Mothers Against Teen Violence; and the 2012 AccolAIDS award for Health Promotion and Harm Reduction, Positive Living Society of B.C.. He is an adjunct professor in the Faculty of Criminology, Simon Fraser University.
Fighting, arguing, and disagreeing are essential in a relationship, But it’s critical to know how. Here’s a short episode to help you understand how to calm down so you don’t do or say something you’ll later regret.
SHOWNOTES
Why Jayson doesn’t recommend long-term relationship for everyone. [1:45]
Why do some couples that use one single email account? Share your thoughts in the private Facebook group [6:15]
The likely reason you struggle with conflict in your relationship. [9:30]
What defines a fight? [15:00]
The 5 steps [15:45]
You must have this ingredient whenever you do a “time-out” during a fight. [17:30]
The sure-fire recipe for divorce and breakups. [24:00]
Jayson’s two powerful action steps for this episode. [28:00]
Did I interview Yoda or just world renowned human behavior specialist Dr. John Demartini? Okay, buckle your seat belt for this one and be prepared to have some of your paradigms twisted and your feathers ruffled. I could have grilled this guy for hours, but I kept it to one hour to respect his time. Be sure to listen to this one twice and take notes. From no one being committed to you, to the fact that everyone is dishonest, I’m sure this episode will confront and serve you in many helpful ways. Enjoy!
SHOWNOTES
The one statement Dr. Demartini said that rocked Jayson’s world. [7:45]
How infatuation is an insight to ourselves. [10:30]
Dr. Demartini’s relationship status? [11:30]
Do long-distance relationships work? [12:30]
How to be true to yourself in relationships. [15:45]
Dr. Demartini’s date with a 95 year-old lady. [23:00]
How our values powerfully influence our lives. [24:45]
What about when two partners have opposite values? [27:00]
What’s the link between health, stress and values? [32:30]
What happens if we run from challenge? [35:00]
How to deal with someone who is lying to you. [43:15]
What about sexual polarity and passion in relationships? [45:15]
Is quantum entanglement a real phenomenon? [49:00]
Why do we tend to attract partners who mimic our parents? [55:45]
If you’ve been hurt in a relationship, do you need to heal through relationship? [58:30]
Dr. John Demartini is a world renowned specialist in human behavior, a researcher, author and global educator. He has developed a series of solutions applicable across all markets, sectors and age groups. His education curriculum ranges from corporate empowerment programs, financial empowerment strategies, self-development programs, relationship solutions and social transformation programs. His teachings start at the core of the issue, addressing the human factor and range out to a multitude of powerful tools that have proven the test of time. He has studied over 29000 books across all the defined academic disciplines and has synthesized the wisdom of the ages which he shares on stage in over 60 countries. His presentations whether keynotes, seminars or workshops, leave clients with insights into their behavior and keys to their empowerment.
Dr. Demartini has addressed public and professional audiences up to 11000 people at a time across the world and shared the stage with some of the world’s most influential people such as Sir Richard Branson, Stephen Covey, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Donald Trump and many more. From the thousands of testimonials he receives annually, Dr Demartini’s work changes people’s lives forever.
A renowned speaker, and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development. Rather than offering quick-fix solutions to these complex issues, Dr. Maté weaves together scientific research, case histories, and his own insights and experience to present a broad perspective that enlightens and empowers people to promote their own healing and that of those around them. For twelve years Dr. Maté worked in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside with patients challenged by hard-core drug addiction, mental illness and HIV, including at Vancouver’s Supervised Injection Site. With over 20 years of family practice and palliative care experience and extensive knowledge of the latest findings of leading-edge research, Dr. Maté is a sought-after speaker and teacher, regularly addressing health professionals, educators, and lay audiences throughout North America and internationally. As an author, Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction; When the Body Says No:The Cost of Hidden Stress (published in the United States as When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection); and Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder (published in the United States as Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What you Can Do About It), and co-authored Hold on to Your Kids. His works have been published internationally in twenty languages. Dr. Maté is the co-founder of Compassion for Addiction, a new non-profit that focusses on addiction. He is also an advisor of Drugs over Dinner. Dr. Maté has received the Hubert Evans Prize for Literary Non-Fiction; an Honorary Degree (Law) from the University of Northern British Columbia; an Outstanding Alumnus Award from Simon Fraser University; the 2012 Martin Luther King Humanitarian Award from Mothers Against Teen Violence; and the 2012 AccolAIDS award for Health Promotion and Harm Reduction, Positive Living Society of B.C.. He is an adjunct professor in the Faculty of Criminology, Simon Fraser University.
