There are two kinds of expectations in a long-term relationship. Knowing the difference can help you sink or swim in your partnership. See if you can get honest about your expectations of yourself and your partner in this episode.
SHOWNOTES
The two kinds of expectations [5:45]
Why laying a trip on someone doesn’t work in a partnership [9:30]
Why trying to force someone to change never works. [11:45]
Monogamy as an example of how to set an expectation. [13:45]
Jayson’s challenge to the listener. [17:15]
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Saying “I’m sorry” is one way to try to repair after a relationship challenge, but it’s exceptionally limited. Not learning a new way to repair is like driving your car without tires. It works and can even get you places, but you’ll go so much further if you learn this one. Roll up your sleeves as I have a good challenge for you in this episode.
SHOWNOTES
Why regular apologies are weak. [9:00]
What you need to do instead of just saying “I’m sorry.” [13:45]
A perspective that will empower you when you’re triggered by your partner. [16:00]
Relationships get hard. But how do you know when hard is too freakin’ hard? And, what do you do about it? In this episode my wife and I explore a very common complaint about long-term relationships, especially after the initial honeymoon phase wears off. Are you making your relationship hard or are you making it easy? Believe it or not, you are in the driver’s seat on this.
SHOWNOTES
How do you know when your relationship is too hard? [5:30]
The decision Jayson made that was crucial to his relationship. [15:00]
Does Ellen ever feel that motherhood is too hard? [17:00]
The perspective that matters most in a relationship [18:45]
How to work through conflict in a relationship? [20:15]
What about working through conflict on your own, without your partner or community? [22:30]
Your relationship questions are answered in this episode. We cover a lot of ground. One theme is how to deal with “value” differences in an intimate relationship. This one is really good because it can tear a relationship apart trying to fit each other into your respective boxes of how you prefer they be.
SHOWNOTES
How long to wait for your partner to blend your families and get married? [7:15]
How can partners adapt in a relationship when one partner has a chronic illness? [11:45]
Why do men lie? [14:00]
What’s the reason our relationship improves when my man hangs out with this guy friends? [17:30]
How to tell your guy about erectile dysfunction without making it worse? [20:00]
What skills are best to use when you’re highly triggered and avoid an argument? [21:45]
How to keep childhood issues from breaking up your relationship? [23:45]
How do you know when to take 100% responsibility and when to leave a partner who is not willing to do the work? [26:00]
What if your ex is creating challenges for me to blend families with my new partner? [30:00]
When you have different values, what’s the best way to deal with that? [33:30]
Does it make sense to avoid dating men whose taxi light isn’t on, like Miranda said in Sex & The City?
What about when partners have opposite views on how to handle money in a relationship? [40:45]
Long-distance relationships: how do I get my man to show me that he’s emotionally ready to commit? [42:45]
What should a woman do with her kids when their dad just walks out? [44:15]
How to deal with a man who is emotionally unavailable? [46:45]
Relationship pain has a very clear purpose. If you are hip to it, you’ll thrive in relationships. If you are uneducated here, you’ll run away and play the victim. Direct and to the point, I suggest a very important daily practice for you to strengthen your mindset about long-term partnership. Pain hurts indeed. And, what if pain was your ally in disguise?
SHOWNOTES
Your only two choices you have about your relationship pain [4:30]
What is one of the harshest versions of relational pain [6:00]
The first thing to NOT do when in relationship pain. [11:00]
The good news about pain and stress [15:45]
What happens when you just bounce from relationship to relationship. [17:00]
The link between your emotional pain and your numbing habits. [21:45]
What makes someone really unattractive. [25:00]
Relationship Pain Daily Practice
I have two choices with my relationship pain:
1. Use it to make me weaker by whining, complaining, and blaming others (or myself).
2. Use it to make me stronger by seeing it as my ally to master the lesson it’s bringing me.
One of the most fundamental skills we need to navigate life’s challenges is not formally taught to us. We learn through the school of hard knocks and most of us get some pretty big scars. These scars don’t heal unless you use the very best methods to become stronger. Join me here as I invite you into something very special. Something that could impact us well beyond our life.
SHOWNOTES
The flawed thinking behind simply wanting a great relationship. [3:00]
What could have benefited Jayson had he taken a relationship class as a kid. [4:00]
How wanting to be liked is impacting children’s integrity with themselves. [5:45]
Jayson’s puts his stake in the ground. [9:15]
The big flaw in the current school system. [11:00]
