You are a different human being.

You’re the kind of person who naturally wants to help others.

You’ve been that way your entire life. It’s one of the wonderful things that makes you unique.

When someone’s in trouble, you feel a pull to help, even as onlookers walk by.

When you were a kid, you were the one in the family who tracked the upset, the pain, the confusion and tried to make it better.

I used to be a lot like you, always tuned into other people’s emotions.. As a kid I tracked the emotional and relational dynamics in my family, and with my friends on the playground.

As a teen, while other students were proving themselves through sports and good grades, I was trying to help people who were in pain.

As I got lost into drugs and alcohol in college, this part of me never went away. Every woman I dated, I tried to rescue. I always attracted insecure women that needed help. That way, I could avoid intimacy and revealing any of my own pain.

In my 20’s I was pretty lost. But my helper was always there.

Every job I took, I was helping someone. I was a ski coach, an outward bound instructor, and a wilderness therapy guide.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was hiding.

That’s right. I used my helping to hide. I also found jobs where I could get some vicarious healing. When I got off work, I’d go drink. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was definitely avoiding something…

Regardless, I was a natural helper and I was good at it.

One of the most intense jobs was working with troubled adolescent boys in the wilderness. I’d work 8 days on, 8 days off. Man was it hard work.

The more I worked there, the more intense it got. (More stories on this later).

But something also started to be revealed.

A kid said to me once, “I’m thinking of killing myself.”

I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt helpless.

Another time, a boy said to me. “I lost my Dad in a car accident.”

I didn’t know what to do… I felt helpless

I also made some big mistakes and gave lame advice. For example, one kid got so angry he started ripping apart a tree. It was so intense. What was I supposed to do?

I froze and did nothing.

When I came around, I gave him advice instead of trying to understand him.

The more real and intense the issues became, the less I felt like I could help.

Several months into my wilderness therapy job, I had a big “ah ha” moment. I had reached a “ceiling” on how effective I was at helping someone, and it was sobering. Humbling.

I felt inadequate. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I couldn’t help more. I just didn’t know what to do.

Do you ever feel this way?

Your natural helping skills are great, but at a certain point, with certain issues, your skills fall short. 

Or, maybe, you have real professional training like me, but you continue to help people in ways that are not helping them and depleting you?

Maybe you keep rescuing someone that needs to fall on their face. Or maybe, you keep enabling that family member because you get to feel valued when you do that.

Because my own relationship life was falling apart and because I had reached a ceiling on how to help others, I finally decided I needed more formal training. So, I went and got a Master’s Degree in Psychology.

I wanted to confidently say that I could help anyone (this bit me in the ass later on…).

Since that time over 20 years ago, I have dedicated my life to studying human beings. I found the best teachers. I studied with masters. Then I kept studying with masters. When I couldn’t study with them, I read them, devoured their material and began to incorporate their teachings into my work with clients.

I took the formal academic approach where I studied at Naropa and got my Master’s Degree in Transpersonal Psychology & Counseling. While getting my master’s degree, I also did a 3-year training to become a Gestalt therapist. I also worked as a psychiatric crisis worker at our local Mental Health Center.

I spent tens of thousands of dollars on seminars and programs.

I started meditating every day, becoming a Vajrayana Buddhist practitioner so I could study my mind and internal experience. Then I became a licensed psychotherapist and built my own very successful private practice in Boulder, Colorado.

After years in private practice, I was getting fed up with how ineffective I was.

The same couples would show up, week after week, with no improvement.

How could that be possible?

It took me a few years to really figure it out, but finally, I got it…

I was not effective as a therapist because I was working inside of a long-term victim model that I no longer wanted to be a part of.

Hear me out — the training I got as a therapist was invaluable. Yet the entire model was based on a triangle: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer. The therapist is the rescuer, the client is the victim, and their parents or someone that hurt them was the persecutor.

The triangle model has its place. Yet, I was done with it.

Which is why I embraced coaching. I wanted my clients to get results. I didn’t want to work with people who were not willing to move beyond their story, their past, and get empowered. I felt so damn ineffective with people deeply entrenched in their dramas. (Also “trauma therapy” requires very specific training that I had received, but no longer wanted to use. By the way, if you identify as having big trauma, a trauma therapist is the place to go!).

So, I went and trained with a coach, a global leader in human behavior by the name of Dr. John Demartini. John is far from a therapist. He’s a businessman, a speaker, and a polymath.

John taught me an even more efficient way to get results with clients. And, the more I tried it, the more it began to upset the therapy clients I was working with and the more it brought me coaching clients I wanted.

My Master’s Degree in Psychology taught me about the psychology of human beings. Yet it didn’t teach me much about relationships and how to work through my past hurts without latching a story onto my Mom or my Dad (In fact, my therapy training reinforced my untrue story that my Dad had emotionally abandoned me).

For these reasons, I continued to seek teachers and mentors that use non-therapy tools. I studied with anyone I could, went to workshops, and read everything I could on relationships. I was also blazing a trail from my own experience with my soon-to-be wife.

I also wanted to raise my rates and get paid more for the results-based work I was doing with people.

It was time to transition out of being a therapist and into being a relationship coach.

What I needed was a clear map that laid out how relationships work. I knew that once I had this map, I could quickly and effectively help my clients.

During this realization, I closed my doors as a therapist, let go of all of my “therapy” clients and went all-in on developing this path to relationships and began to build my coaching practice.

Soon after becoming a coach, I developed my own coaching techniques (that are not therapy) and started leading longer groups and eventually started The Relationship School®.

This coaching method is extremely effective with high functioning people who want better relationships.

I call this innovative coaching method…

If YOU can get a quick result for a client, they’ll continue working with you and refer their friends

We live in an era of getting results quickly, and Present Centered Relationship Coaching™️ allows trained coaches to get this result as quickly and effectively as possible. Whenever I cut through the fluff and laser-focused directly on the rupture a client had, they would feel a sense of clarity and ownership that motivated them to take action.

As my clients lives improved, so did the quantity and quality of referrals I received.

Back then, I didn’t even have to do any marketing because of the network effect of goodwill and word-of-mouth.

Stoked about this new-found map, I set out to build The Relationship School® to help coaches around the globe impact their local community and build a great lifestyle business that gave them flexibility and a sense of meaning.

Since 2014, I’ve worked tirelessly on improving Present Centered Relationship Coaching™️ and building the Relationship Coach (RC) Certification Program.

Today, the Relationship School’s RC program is second-to-none. We stand alone in this program because we have the only true map that clearly defines how relationships work.

By becoming a Relationship Coach at Relationship School, you will:

Here’s what it takes to become an effective, efficient and successful Relationship Coach:

I’m sure you’ve seen the ads before…

“Become a coach in 6 weeks!”

“Stop dreaming and start being the relationship coach you’ve always wanted to be! 3-day seminar teaches you all you need to know!”

“For just $97, you’ll learn how to become a world-class 6-figure coach, guaranteed!”

Ugh. They’re all over my Instagram feed.

My beef with these companies and coaching programs is that they simply don’t provide enough education, community accountability, or practice.

If you’ve attempted to master anything in your life, be it music or photography or interior design or mathematics, you know you can’t become world-class in a weekend, right?

And probably not in six weeks either, right?

Right.

That’s why I built the Relationship Certification Level 1 (RC1) program to be a 9-month curriculum with three live events, 18 modules of training, plus real coaching sessions with real people as your clients.

The structure for your 9 months are our Building Blocks. These provide the framework of all 50 skills you will learn in the RC1 program:

Five Building Blocks of Present Centered™ Relationship Coaching:

1. Foundation/Context setting
2. Presence/Support
3. Presence/Challenge
4. Presence/Deepening
5. Inner Work

Notice how much we focus on developing your presence. It’s everything! And, also take note of the section on challenge. You MUST learn how to challenge your clients. Also, take note of the “inner work” section. You don’t work on your own stuff, you’ll continually block your clients from working on theirs.

Here’s a taste of what’s covered in the RC1 9-month certification program:

Grow your self-confidence by strengthening your natural gifts

You were born with the gift of being a helper. That’s why you’re still reading this… because you know you’re meant for a life of service to others.

The magic thing about becoming a Certified Relationship Coach is that when you spend time honing your natural gifts, you will feel an increased sense of self-worth, which increases your confidence and esteem.

It is your dedication to improving yourself and your ability to help others that changes the way you feel about yourself.

Ask any RC graduate and they’ll tell you they walk a little taller knowing that they are clear about their purpose in life, and knowing that they are living that purpose day-in and day-out.

You’re also going to grow in your self-confidence when you surround yourself with other RC’s who are there to see you for who you really are and love you. The vibe of the RC groups is out of this world… so much vulnerability and love.

Your friends and family are going to notice a huge shift in you as you move through the course. They’ll say “WTF happened to her/him/them? They’re so solid!”

And when you hang your certification on your wall, you’ll be reminded of your dedication and the monumental accomplishment of completing the RC1 program.

The world needs you to step up and become an effective, efficient relationship coach. Will you heed their calling?

The Relationship School® is enrolling new students into the RC1 program, which starts on TBA.

Not everyone who applies is approved to join RC1

After seven enrollment periods, we’ve learned that it takes more than just an interested person to become an effective relationship coach. That’s why we have this application process. Here’s how it works…

Check out what some of our RC1 grads have had to say about the program:

Alright, last thing… this is a weird one, but stay with me, OK?

Robots are coming.

You know what I mean?

We’re seeing so many jobs get taken by robots and automation right now and it’s a MAJOR crisis the news isn’t giving enough air time.

In a few years, we’ll see self-driving cars take over the highways, kicking tenured truck drivers (the single biggest employer in over 25 US states!) to the curb. And all those Lyft and Uber drivers will be witnessing the same fate.

Maybe not next month, maybe not next year, but it’s happening.

In our lifetime, we’re going to see automation take over jobs, leaving people to “figure it out” on their own.

… this is GOOD NEWS if you’re thinking about becoming a relationship coach. Here’s why:

First, those soon-to-be unemployed folks are going to need support. They’re going to want to grow in their relationships and they need a guide who can help them. By you becoming a certified Relationship Coach, you’ll be able to help these people who need you.

Second, robots won’t be able to take over the job of a Relationship Coach for a long, long time. Human connection can’t be automated.

I’m not saying that Relationship Coaching is the only robot-proof job available, but with your natural gifts, becoming a certified Relationship Coach means you’ll be relevant immediately after you graduate, and far into the future.