Porn is an addiction for many, but why is it such a big deal? What’s the real reason men watch porn?

Sure, it’s easy to see the obvious: men like sex. Porn objectifies women, and men watch it because they enjoy it. 

But that’s just what it looks like on the surface. The truth is, most men who struggle with porn are dealing with something else—something deeper. So what would that be? 

Underlying Issues That Lead to Porn Use

Truthfully, porn isn’t really about sex or positions. It’s not about sexy women and it’s not about fantasy versus reality. A man who watches porn does it because he’s after two things:

The High from Porn

Dopamine is a powerful motivator. The hormones that surge through a man’s body aren’t too different from a teenager’s—and watching porn fuels those. Plus, it’s no secret that humans seek out things that provide dopamine surges.

The Release from Watching Porn

The second thing a man wants from using porn is to find relief. The release that comes from ejaculating is a natural follow-up to the high and a powerful stress reliever.

What is it that causes a man to seek out these two things through porn?

The first reason is that he feels disconnected, out of touch with himself. He probably also feels highly stressed, weighed down, and most likely emotionally constipated. He could even be experiencing a lot of emotional pain that he’s not dealing with. 

So seeking out the high and then the release of watching porn and ejaculating provides him with a temporary escape that relieves all these issues momentarily. 

Digging Deeper into Porn Addiction

The key to working through these issues is emotions. Since most men are taught at an early age to value themselves first, to disconnect themselves from relationships, and to avoid their feelings, their heart, and their sensitivity, they’re tied in knots. 

That’s where the emotional constipation comes in. Emotions can get all knotted up just like the gut can, and neither situation is healthy.  

As you can imagine, raging hormones can’t flow well through an emotionally knotted-up person. So they get built up, and that’s where the high and the release come in. Dopamine feels pleasurable, the hormones are released…and the man feels good. 

But it’s only for a minute—sometimes just seconds. 

Then, it’s back to the stress. Back to depression, anxiety, pain, and burdens. 

The problems that got him there in the first place weren’t dealt with. Porn is nothing but a temporary distraction. Just like any other distraction, it doesn’t last. 

Here’s a quick video about men who watch porn:

Learn to Be with Discomfort

In order to overcome the issues that prompt the porn escape, the man will need to get connected to himself to begin with. He needs to learn to feel the pain he experiences rather than running from it; be with discomfort; and process his emotions. When he learns to do this, he will be able to do intimacy and relationships in a healthy way. 

Stress isn’t going to go away—it’s an inevitable part of life. But once a man can be with his own feelings and emotions, increasing his capacity to handle things in life, porn loses its luster. The mystery and seduction will fade because he will be better equipped to deal with things in life, and that high and release won’t have such a pull anymore.  

If you’re a man who wants to deepen your relationships, get sexually empowered, and face life like a warrior, here’s a free training for you.
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Photo Credit: Bailey Torres – Unsplash