INTRO:

This is another great podcast, and our first one around sexuality, especially as it pertains to men (women’s sexuality coming in the next episode). David and I explore my own challenges and triumphs and what’s going on in the male mind when it comes to getting stuck around “performing” in the bedroom. You’ll dig it.

SHOWNOTES:

• Intro to David Cates [1:16]
• Start of the interview [4:00]
• How Jayson reached out to David when he was struggling sexually [5:25]
• Men stuck in the “performance game” [8:05]

“The struggle is designed to get you back home, to your heart” – Jayson [8:51]

• Your Cock is a Barometer. Learn to trust it [9:04]

We can shift off the fear that I’m being betrayed by my cock, and into the inquiry or curiosity about: what is my cock really trying to show me?  Whats the message here, what do I need to be learning about?” – David [10:15]

[bctt tweet=”We use porn as a drug – David Cates”]

• What performance-based sex looks like  [14:45]
• A hallmark of fully mature sex [16:00]

[bctt tweet= “Fully mature sex: one of the hallmarks of it is the ability to be awkward and laugh… – David Cates”]

• Where to start developing a mature sex life [18:58]
• Sexual pain is just a signal for attention [21:00]
• When porn becomes a problem [24:00]

“The anti-venom to porn is to be in our bodies, and be in our hearts” -David

• What to do when given the advice “just have sex” [27:55]
• Partner Intimacy Practice 31:30]

“This practice gently resets the nervous system out of adrenaline and cortisal, and into a more oxytocin state of connection and safety and let-go and trust.” – David

• How to do your deep breathing in the practice [38:33]
• How to touch each other in the practice [40:00]
• What about performance anxiety for women? [42:56]
• Finding the right pace – and getting unstuck from your habits [46:34]
• Rediscovering your heart in your sex life [49:00]
• Giving yourself permission to be who you are in the bedroom [54:00]
• The one thing a listener could take from David Cates [56:20]

“That’s where all the problems happen: when we’re performing to an ideal, and when we’re expecting an ideal, instead of the messy, beautiful, chaotic perfection of each moment and each person.”  – David [57:15]

HELPFUL LINKS:

Information on the vagus nerve

Information on polyvagal theory

Potential negative impacts of porn

Travel Tips: Bali

If you want to go deeper, you can listen to Jayson and David discuss PE, here.  And if you want a detailed description of David’s partner practice, you can find that here.

If you’ve been struggling with erectile dysfunction, or you are a woman whose man has been dealing with ED, click here.

ABOUT:

“Don’t take my word for anything. Try it out and see for yourself. I’m just a messenger… one who’s been paying attention to bodies for decades. It’s amazing how much you can learn when you’re not obsessing with your own bullshit.” – David