When trying to end a relationship, guys will often say something like, “You deserve better than me.”
This pre-break up statement is a cop out.
I know because I used to make it all the time.
Men who say this have left a few things unexamined…
First, you’re in her space.
Get back in your own space.
Second, this is an insult to her. Why? Because you are assuming you know what’s best for her. Telling her what she deserves and what she doesn’t deserve isn’t your place.
Show her more respect and trust she can take care of herself, even if she may be acting like she can’t.
Third, by saying this, you get to avoid taking responsibility for your fear and insecurities. Investigate what drives this kind of statement. Get outside help to see what you are not seeing.
Fourth, you are putting yourself down. Find a way to walk taller than this. Somewhere inside, you’re a badass. Learn to own and embrace your awesomeness.
If you judge yourself in relationship, do something about it so you feel good about how you show up in a partnership.
As an alternative, take more responsibility and try saying things like, “I’m scared and not able to commit right now.” “I feel like I’ve reached my limit for intimacy and need a break.” “I doubt myself in relationship.” “I think you should be the one to move on because if I end this I’m too scared to hurt your feelings, feel uncomfortable myself, and thus be judged as the bad guy.”
By taking the attention off her and putting it on yourself, you can start to get under what is likely a habitual pattern or block in the relationship.
C’mon fellahs, you can do this…