Jayson, Author at The Relationship School®

What To Do If Your Partner Says They Don’t Have Any Issues

Are you wondering what to do if your partner says they don’t have any issues? Here’s the answer:

Run!

Seriously!

When you think about the person who says they don’t have issues, can you really imagine being with them? Can you envision a fulfilling relationship with them? No way! In fact, it’s an obvious sign that they haven’t looked in the mirror and can’t take personal responsibility, that they aren’t willing to deal with their issues, or themselves.

Every person on this planet has issues.

The “no issue” card is an ultimate recipe for relationship disaster. If your partner says they don’t have any issues or won’t acknowledge that they have stuff to deal with, imagine how this is going to impact your relationship, especially over time. How will they be prepared to address any issues that come up between you?

Simple… they won’t…

…and it will be impossible to grow together because they have nothing to learn.

Having issues shows you the way:

And if you’re the person looking for a partner who doesn’t have issues, good luck. It’s a fantasy! They don’t exist! Even if you believe it initially, inevitably things will surface. The skeletons come out of the closet and the shit will hit the fan. Resentment builds. Blame happens. Then what?

Knowing and identifying what your issues are is absolutely necessary for your own growth and development. In a relationship you want your partner to know about your issues so you can work on them. Taking responsibility and working on your issues is what creates a good relationship.

So get your issues out in the open. Having issues in relationship IS the path. When two people can acknowledge their issues and are willing to dive into dealing with them, they not only gain confidence in themselves, but also learn how to accept and embrace each other. They grow, learn, and heal – together.

Remember: You have issues. I have issues. We’ve all have issues! Issues get you to the next level – in yourself and in your relationship. Claim your issues. Own them and get on board with them. They are here to serve you in your journey to becoming yourself – and to earning the awesome relationship you dream of.

Learn how to face your issues by signing up for The Relationship School’s® Deep Psychology of Intimate Relationships 9-month program and send us an email at [email protected] to schedule a time to talk with one of our Student Growth Liaisons.

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Photo credit: Angela Wolz, Unsplash

Millennials & Marriage – Kiyomi and Joel – SC 178

Wondering what you can learn from a millennial couple? Turns out it’s quite a bit!

Kiyomi and Joel are a mixed-race millennial couple that discovers how much their culture plays into their relationship. These two high school sweethearts grew up together and their system for growing together as they mature (as we all do) is inspiring.

Think where you come from isn’t a big part of your love life? Uncertain a couple so young can offer profound wisdom? Prepare to be surprised!

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

Kiyomi & Joel’s high school love story [9:00]
What is Relationship OCD? [12:00]
Joel’s secret for consistent happiness [17:00]
Couple discovers being mixed race affects them [21:00]
Kiyomi & Joel’s conflict management method [29:00]
What’s the secret to balancing work and relationship life? [35:00]
Jayson’s advice when planning a wedding [43:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

We met back in 2007 at a high school dance in Pennsylvania. A good friend had introduced us to each other and we immediately had a connection. We have been together for 10 years now, and have taken a break for maybe a couple months when Joel went to Spain. We have gone through a lot together – me having intense anxiety/OCD tendencies, my father and family members passing, moving together from Pennsylvania to Boulder and other situations that have brought made us extremely close. We got engaged last November and are currently planning our wedding.

I would say our relationship is the best it has ever been and a big part of it being so good is our willingness to constantly be better as human being. Joel has come from a very conscious family and has had a relatively good childhood with parents that were very loving and caring. I came from a bit of a rocky childhood, where my parents were caring but their relationship was very broken due to my father being an alcoholic. I say this because Joel has really taught me what a loving relationship looks like, and at times, I had wanted to run away due to my own fears and doubts that had been mirrored from my parents.

Joel and I are both entrepreneurs. He runs a marketing business here in Boulder and I am currently a yoga therapist/coach. I love working with people on spreading awareness on conscious relationships and I also love working with people who have anxiety. I have YouTube channel which have been going well and am wanting to create an online community off of my YouTube channel as well. I am currently going through an exam to become registered psychotherapist here in Boulder so I can further work with more people.

Struggles: Joel really likes to work a lot (I would say that he used to be a workaholic, although wouldn’t really admit it) and that has put a strain on our relationship many, many times. We have had many discussions where I didn’t feel he was prioritizing our relationship and where he would just be working 12+ hours a day. Sometimes we would do activities together but I never felt he was fully present. This has been a bit of an issue in our relationship, sometimes I feel that he would rather work than be present. Even when we are on a vacation, he seems to want to be working.

No kids, we are not married and we have one hound/pointer mix named Kai 🙂

The Cheapest (But Most Valuable) Gift You Can Give Someone This Holiday Season

Tight on money?

No problem. Don’t make an excuse to not give this to someone…

If you are caught up in the stress of “everything you have to do” and feeling the added pressure to shop and buy presents for everyone, then listen up.

I get it. I don’t want to give a bunch of bullshit “presents” that people don’t really need.

Or maybe you are smart enough to know that it’s out of integrity to give material things, but you still feel a nagging “should” hanging over your head.

Try this instead…

What if you gave the people you care about in your life the most meaningful gift of all, something they could really use, and it didn’t cost a dime?

That’s right!

Give the gift everyone can use (and afford) this holiday season: appreciation and acknowledgment.

Think about it. What do you value most about your best friend, your husband or wife, your kids? Is there a way your family or co-workers contribute to your life? Remember people need to be loved and feel seen, acknowledged, and appreciated – for who they are. This is a core human need of ours.

And it’s within your reach to deliver this by simply and genuinely letting the people who matter to you know what they and your relationship with them provide – what they bring to your life.

Ask yourself these questions:

What do I appreciate about this person?
How have they impacted my life?
Why do I want and value them in my life?

Set context by letting this person know that you’d like five minutes of their time.

Once they agree, sit down, look them right in the eyeball and tell them how much they mean to you. This may feel vulnerable, even a little risky or scary. That’s ok. Lead with that, share how you’re feeling. Something like “Hey, this is a little vulnerable for me to say directly to you…

Next go ahead and give them an appreciation:

What I appreciate about you is…
What I value about our relationship is…
What I love about you is…
Something about you that inspires me is…
Having you in my life has done X and Y for me and…without you and your help I would be Z.

Try to cut through the superficial stuff and share the deeper stuff. Maybe add in something they did for you last year or 10 years ago and how it impacted you.

And see how they respond, how they receive your gift.

Offering an appreciation is a way to honor someone significant in your life. It’s nurturing to them, to you, and to your relationship. It’s a way to connect to your heart and share yourself with someone else by essentially saying, “Thank you for being you.”

So, if you’re considering gifting someone you love this holiday season, give appreciation, the priceless gift of your care and recognition. And watch what happens!

Not sure how to do this? Or are you too caught up in the relationship drama to appreciate anyone, including yourself? Then try investing some time in yourself and watch The Relationship School’s® free web series. Click here to register.

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Photo credit: Lotte Meijer, Unsplash

How A Couple Recovered From Cheating – Leahnora & Noah – SC 177

Couples that survive the toughest relationship challenges are so impressive! Leahnora and Noah are one of those couples. Cheating nearly tore them apart but they made commitments to change themselves and now they’re stronger than ever before.

What did they do? How do they handle the baggage of their past?

Jayson explores the tough questions here. Also, Leahnora and Noah are still working through some common issues around sexuality and conflict and they share vulnerably about this as Jayson gives some relationship coaching.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

- - How did Noah handle the cheating? [9:00]
  - Leahnora & Noah’s personal growth paths [15:00]
  - Defensiveness isn’t always bad [25:00]
  - Their open relationship experience [29:00]
  - Noah & Leahnora’s fighting style [35:00]
  - Trusting love’s message no matter the cost [40:00]
  - Jayson addresses their sexuality struggles [44:00]
  - When you’re both triggered [54:00]
  - Don’t respond with “That wasn’t my intent” [60:00]

If you would like to connect with Leahnora and/or Noah, they can be contacted at [email protected] and [email protected].

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Noah and Leahnora have been together for over 5 years, and got married summer 2017. Noah is 35 years and Leahnora is 34. They have two dogs but no kids (this is something they are excited about for the future). They went to high school together in San Diego, CA and now reside in Oakland, California. Noah works a real estate agent and Leahnora works for the California Department of Transportation as an environmental planner. They are both passionate about philosophy and the interconnection of humans, and navigating their way through the human condition. They have vowed to use their marriage as a container for a path to personal and couple awakening.

Leahnora and Noah’s struggles began early in their relationship. Leahnora was dating other guys while Noah was coming out of a spiritual quest in India. At the time, they couldn’t have been more opposite. Their first 3 years together were HELL. Leahnora was cheating and keeping secrets, and Noah was in his own bubble and stubbornly clinging to his self-righteous worldviews. Through years of hard work we were finally able to get on the same page and since Noah proposed, things have been wonderful.

Leahnora and Noah’s main issue is currently around sex. Noah wants more, and Leahnora could care less. About once a week, they get into the same argument. Noah thinks Leahnora doesn’t want sex because of her past unresolved trauma, and Leahnora is annoyed and frustrated that Noah is not truly understanding to give her the space to explore sexuality, in her own way. They both feel trapped. Leahnora is craving safety and Noah is craving sex.

They are looking for a way to find common ground, so that they both feel their needs getting adequately met.

Why Spiritually Developed People Struggle With Monogamy – Ellen & Jayson – SC 176

Is your spiritual growth helping your relationship? Are you collaborating with your partner to better yourself as an individual? Or are you going to your corner of the house to meditate all by yourself?

Their careers as therapists and decades of mediation experience have lead Jayson Gaddis and his wife Ellen Boeder to multiple spiritual development discoveries. Turns out even the most spiritually advanced amongst us struggle with relationships. Jayson and Ellen also encourage couples to discover how collaboration with a partner in times of stress can strengthen each individual.

This episode is full of tips for anyone interested in bettering themselves and their relationship at the same time!

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

- - How Ellen & Jayson Benefit from Spiritual Practice [2:00]
  - Even Spiritually Advanced People Struggle With Relationships [10:00]
  - Strengthening Relationships With Dependence [17:00]
  - Calming Down Together [20:00]
  - Where Spirituality Alone Falls Short [25:00]
  - When “Your” Triggers Should Be An “Us” Thing [33:00]

‘Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson’

To celebrate my first book, The Smart Couple Quote Book and the Holiday Season, I am giving away 3 big prizes. 2nd place) $200 credit for any of my courses, 3rd place) $30 to be used in the Relationship School store and the Grand Prize is a 45-minute coaching session for you or you and your partner from me! Boom! Who’s in?

To enter to win you must go to the Jayson Gaddis Fan Page on Facebook and
1. Find the Contest Post
2. Like the contest post
3. Comment on the post with what you love about The Smart Couple Book
3. Share the post and tag 3 friends

AND extra bonus points:
For an extra 5 entries into the raffle, post a selfie of you on your social channels with the book tagging Jayson Gaddis OR leave a review of the book on Amazon. If you leave a review, email us a screenshot of your review at [email protected] . Make sure we see the tagged post as well. Send us an email as a back up with a link to your social post.

Contest is open to anyone in the world until December 10 at 11:59p MT. Winners will be announced on the Smart Couple Podcast and Facebook on Wednesday, December 13th.

HELPFUL LINKS

GUEST BIO

Ellen Boeder is a psychotherapist in private practice in Boulder, Colorado. Since 2004, she has worked primarily with women and is now incorporating couple therapy into her practice. Her theoretic approach includes transpersonal psychology, developmental attachment theory, family systems, and somatic and energetic modalities. For couple therapy she also utilizes Stan Tatkin’s model, the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). She is inspired to support women and couple’s heal and grow in ways that liberate their authentic selves.