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Dan Savage On Being Monogamish – Dan Savage – 492

March 26, 2024


Are you simply defaulting to monogamy?

Have you ever genuinely asked yourself, “Would a different sexual model work better for me?”

Dan Savage, an author, sex-advice columnist, podcaster, and public speaker, suggests that we should all regularly pose these questions to ourselves. Dan and his husband have chosen what they call a “monogamish” relationship. They’ve acknowledged that it’s impossible to fulfill all of your partner’s needs, and that’s a message from which we can all learn.

While we typically focus on monogamous long-term relationships, in this episode, we’ll explore how various types of relationships can be successful. Tune in and prepare for some introspection into your own sexual expression.


  • 5:00 – What does monogamish mean?
  • 11:27 – Eroticism in a long-term relationship
  • 17:24 – Bringing in a third
  • 23:37 – Monogamy as the default setting
  • 31:00 – Changing broken marraige norms
  • 33:50 – Dan’s relationship journey
  • 46:49 – Allowing for erotic autonomy
  • 53:57 – Dan’s advice for young people
  • 59:00 – Action step



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