Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why “the repair” is so critical in a strong partnership. It’s essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own marriage.
Here are a few of the highlights:
SHOWNOTES
- What does a good relationship look and feel like? [7:00]
- Why feeling ‘safe’ is essential for a good relationship [8:00]
- Why ‘I’m sorry’ is a bad repair-strategy [18:00]
- What Ellen calls the ‘micro-repair’[20:00]
- How to really listen to your partner after conflict without getting triggered [23:00]
- What are some quick ways to reset the nervous system when words aren’t working? [30:00]
- Ellen’s advice on conflict and repair for couples [34:00]
HELPFUL LINKS
- Podcast: How to Repair in 3 Steps Before You Make it Worse – Ellen & Jayson
- Get your conflict scorecard
- Embracing Conflict: Live Weekend Intensive
- Roots Community
- The Relationship School®
- Facebook – Jayson Gaddis Fan Page
- How to Leave A Podcast Review
So grateful for u guys!!
For sure!
Yes, Thank you!
You’re welcome
Thank you
Welcome
Thank You Guys once again for all your valuable wisdom on relationships and that you have so much free material for all of us..hope I can make Sept. 13 th in Boulder. If not I am looking forward to hearing it on line …
Great. hope to see you there Denise
Can I give you two a big hug ? This is the real stuff ! THANK YOU
ah shucks. thanks
Thank you. I feel served ☺
excellent to hear that
Thank you! Listen weekly. Follow you on Facebook and LinkedIn.
great!
Thank you Jason and Elen, really enjoyed it. was touched by it, i long to create more of that intimacy in my life, what both of you share really helps. You’ve reached Argentina !
wow, Argentina!
Thank you very much, yes yes yes ! To both of you, know that you have reached Argentina ! <3
Awesome, Feeling blessed and inspired. Great to see you guys together sharing the wisdom and connection. Eclipses have been intense. So grateful to have the tools from RAP to help navigate the ride. Mahalo
Nice Monique, thanks for doing the work
Thanks so much for empowering people like me who seem to just feel lost & unsure.
This is pushing me into new levels of wisdom & feeling more at ease iwithin myself & how it works with others.
i feel inspired reading this
Thanks Jayson, I Appreciate your work & commitment & have discovered so much about myself & am learning & practising new tools.
you’re so welcome!
Thank you! Blessings & grattitude
Needed this today, just when I think I don’t want to try anymore, you give me the push I need to dig deeper. My family thanks you, I thank you.
Beautiful =) Thanks for listening.
Thank you very much Jayson and Ellen. Long time listener first time commentor 🙂 Have been listening to your podcasts for nearly 2 years now across the globe in Australia. My partner and I have benefited greatly from all your work. Congratulations on your anniversary and 1 millionth download!! Love rules and you guys are awesome!!
My partner and I have used quotes from our favourite movies and stand up as anchors and it makes an enormous difference. Referencing a quote we both like, such as “So later with the talking then?” or “Mitchell, this ain’t gonna be good!” not only changes the frequency, it makes communication less pointing fingers and more about recognizing that we aim to respect our differences and accept each other as we are.
Not to mention it always helps us feel more connected in truly important ways when we disagree-inside jokes/code phrases can create much needed intimacy when sparks could be flying.
You two rock, thank you both for being your awesome selves and generously sharing your wisdom and honesty.
Fantastic idea River, thanks for sharing these gems and thanks for listening =)
Thank you!!! Oh, “The repair”….needed that!!
Thank you
Jason and Ellen, I wish I would have learned this long ago. Thank you so much for sharing your life, your intimate relationship challenges. I have experienced conflict etc. again and again and walking away because I just didn’t have the tools. Thank you! I am learning a lot! This class is sooo needed for couples who want to have healthy relationships.
You’re so welcome, thanks for listening Nancy, and doing the work. Much appreciated
This was very useful, thank you!
Great! Thanks and stay in touch =)