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My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection – Ellen Boeder – SC 152

By Jayson
August 23, 2017

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Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why “the repair” is so critical in a strong partnership. It’s essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own marriage.

Here are a few of the highlights:

SHOWNOTES

  • What does a good relationship look and feel like? [7:00]
  • Why feeling ‘safe’ is essential for a good relationship [8:00]
  • Why ‘I’m sorry’ is a bad repair-strategy [18:00]
  • What Ellen calls the ‘micro-repair’[20:00]
  • How to really listen to your partner after conflict without getting triggered [23:00]
  • What are some quick ways to reset the nervous system when words aren’t working? [30:00]
  • Ellen’s advice on conflict and repair for couples [34:00]

HELPFUL LINKS

 
 

30 Comments

  1. Precilla Lopez

    So grateful for u guys!!

    Reply
    • Jayson

      For sure!

      Reply
  2. Lynn

    Yes, Thank you!

    Reply
    • Jayson

      You’re welcome

      Reply
  3. Mandy

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Jayson

      Welcome

      Reply
  4. Denise

    Thank You Guys once again for all your valuable wisdom on relationships and that you have so much free material for all of us..hope I can make Sept. 13 th in Boulder. If not I am looking forward to hearing it on line …

    Reply
    • Jayson

      Great. hope to see you there Denise

      Reply
  5. Carey Gallaway

    Can I give you two a big hug ? This is the real stuff ! THANK YOU

    Reply
    • Jayson

      ah shucks. thanks

      Reply
  6. Sherry

    Thank you. I feel served ☺

    Reply
    • Jayson

      excellent to hear that

      Reply
  7. jaime

    Thank you! Listen weekly. Follow you on Facebook and LinkedIn.

    Reply
    • Jayson

      great!

      Reply
  8. Josefina

    Thank you Jason and Elen, really enjoyed it. was touched by it, i long to create more of that intimacy in my life, what both of you share really helps. You’ve reached Argentina !

    Reply
    • Jayson

      wow, Argentina!

      Reply
  9. Josefina

    Thank you very much, yes yes yes ! To both of you, know that you have reached Argentina ! <3

    Reply
  10. Monique

    Awesome, Feeling blessed and inspired. Great to see you guys together sharing the wisdom and connection. Eclipses have been intense. So grateful to have the tools from RAP to help navigate the ride. Mahalo

    Reply
    • Jayson

      Nice Monique, thanks for doing the work

      Reply
  11. Kathryn mendoza

    Thanks so much for empowering people like me who seem to just feel lost & unsure.
    This is pushing me into new levels of wisdom & feeling more at ease iwithin myself & how it works with others.

    Reply
    • Jayson

      i feel inspired reading this

      Reply
  12. Pernilla

    Thanks Jayson, I Appreciate your work & commitment & have discovered so much about myself & am learning & practising new tools.

    Reply
    • Jayson

      you’re so welcome!

      Reply
  13. Miranda

    Thank you! Blessings & grattitude

    Reply
  14. Maggie

    Needed this today, just when I think I don’t want to try anymore, you give me the push I need to dig deeper. My family thanks you, I thank you.

    Reply
  15. Katie

    Thank you very much Jayson and Ellen. Long time listener first time commentor 🙂 Have been listening to your podcasts for nearly 2 years now across the globe in Australia. My partner and I have benefited greatly from all your work. Congratulations on your anniversary and 1 millionth download!! Love rules and you guys are awesome!!

    Reply
  16. River Song

    My partner and I have used quotes from our favourite movies and stand up as anchors and it makes an enormous difference. Referencing a quote we both like, such as “So later with the talking then?” or “Mitchell, this ain’t gonna be good!” not only changes the frequency, it makes communication less pointing fingers and more about recognizing that we aim to respect our differences and accept each other as we are.
    Not to mention it always helps us feel more connected in truly important ways when we disagree-inside jokes/code phrases can create much needed intimacy when sparks could be flying.

    You two rock, thank you both for being your awesome selves and generously sharing your wisdom and honesty.

    Reply
  17. Jennifer

    Thank you!!! Oh, “The repair”….needed that!!

    Reply
  18. Veronica

    Thank you

    Reply
  19. Nancy

    Jason and Ellen, I wish I would have learned this long ago. Thank you so much for sharing your life, your intimate relationship challenges. I have experienced conflict etc. again and again and walking away because I just didn’t have the tools. Thank you! I am learning a lot! This class is sooo needed for couples who want to have healthy relationships.

    Reply

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