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3 Types Of Fights – SC 21

By Jayson
October 21, 2015

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Most of the time, when we fight with a partner, we “bicker” or go in circles because we are missing what the fight is really about.  In this episode we examine the 3 things people fight about most.  It will be essential to listen to this so you know what the deeper layer of your fights are really about.  Why does this matter?  So you can get to the real issue and resolve it.


  • The 3 types of fights [6:40]
  • Type 1: Security fight – “I don’t feel safe” [7:40]
  • Type 2: Past resentments – Stuff you’ve never dealt with. [11:00]
  • Type 3: Dealing with small, everyday stuff [14:00]

[bctt tweet=”We can literally rewire our brains through relationship.”]

  • Fight, Flight, Freeze – The 3 styles of dealing with conflict [24:40]


Next time you’re fighting with your partner, remember to ask yourselves: “What are we really fighting about?”

How to clear resentments

Conflict Scorecard




  1. MicheleneSvetlik

    This stuff has been so very helpful for me to see clearly, find my self worth, face my fears and stand for a healthy marriage! Now ive got tools. Next get him in the game!

  2. Katriina

    I wish I knew this 20 years ago! But this truly helps even today since I’m very afraid to fight at all with my current partner – now I know why.
    Thank you!

    • AbbySkidmore

      Listening during isolation has been so helpful. I’m very grateful to have someone to learn from so I can change. And change the DNA for my daughter and her life. I do wonder how many men out there care enough to do this work. I’m not trying to be negative, but I don’t know anyone who would be willing to do anything close to what Jayson does or talks about. Props to you Jayson for doing the work.

    • meg@relationshipschool.com

      hi Katriina, glad to hear it’s landing and thanks for sharing and listening



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