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Finding Flow In Your Marriage – Jamie Wheal – SC 23

By Jayson
November 4, 2015

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If you’ve ever skied, surfed, or gone outdoor climbing, there’s a good chance you’ve experienced that elusive peak state of awareness referred to as “flow”. Time slows, thoughts disappear, your sense of self seems to merge with the present moment, and everything just…flows! The flow state brings high levels of creativity, learning and connection…all things that we want in our relationships. In this episode, I bring on flow expert Jamie Wheal to dig into an important question: How can we bring this peak state into our long-term partnerships? We also hear deeply personal, wisdom-packed stories from Jamie on the evolution of his partnership.  You’re going to enjoy this one.


  • Start of interview [0:40]
  • What is the Flow Genome Project? [1:30]
  • What’s the distinction between dopamine rushes, drug highs, and “flow”? [3:50]

There are 3 key components of Flow: 1. Rich Environments, 2. Deep Embodiment, 3. High Consequence

  • Is there a bridge between peak flow states and monogamous relationships? [7:20]

The same hits and rushes I get from haring down a mountain side on skis, or paddling into a big wave, those things are actually — strangely, fascinatingly, wonderfully — reproducible in intimacy with your partner.  What that then allows us, is the ability to make love with one another.  – Jamie

  • What happens when sex is made into a dedicated practice, similar to exercise or flossing? [12:50]
  • “Erotic Tonglen” [16:50]
  • Shares from Jamie’s personal life [22:50]

If this is our container, then we better damn make it a crucible. And let’s turn up the heat.  And any sexual, relational, erotic, interpersonal, desire, drive, interest or inquiry, has to have a home inside our container, or it threatens the integrity of that container. – Jamie

  • What happened to the sexual chemistry when Jamie had kids? [28:05]
  • Is the bedroom a place of withholding or safety? [29:05]
  • The unconscious bargain that Jamie started his marriage with, and had to drop to save the relationship [31:20]
  • What Jamie learned about his relationship at Burning Man [33:00]
  • False notions about enlightenment and soulmates [40:30]
  • Parting Words from Jamie [43:40]

[bctt tweet=”Be kind. And give love away, because you can always make more. – Jamie Wheal”]


For more edgy conversations, head to Cock Talk

Ten Agreements to secure a long term relationship

The Rise of Superman by Steven Kotler

The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck – “Love is a verb, not an emotion”

Orgasmic Meditation

The Flow Genome Project – Website, Facebook Page


Jamie Wheal, Executive Director of Flow Genome Project, is a leading expert on the neuro-somatics of ultimate human performance. His work ranges from Fortune 500 companies, leading business schools, Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO), to Red Bull and its stable of world-class athletes. He combines a background in expeditionary leadership, wilderness medicine and surf rescue, with over a decade advising high-growth companies on strategy, execution and leadership. He is a sought-after speaker, presenting to diverse and high-performing communities such as YPO, Summit Series, Mai Tai Global, TEDx, and the Advertising Research Foundation.

At the Flow Genome Project, he leads a team of the world’s top scientists, athletes and artists dedicated to reverse-engineering the genome of the peak-performance state known as Flow.




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