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Women: 3 Steps To Get Your Man To Show Up In The Relationship – Terry Real – SC 24

By Jayson
November 18, 2015

Apple Podcast buttonGoogle Podcast button< This episode was a lot of fun. Terry Real brings the heat for women and men using what he calls “fierce intimacy.” While this episode is for both men and women, it is largely geared toward women who are with a guy who’s not fully on board. He has some great advice for women, while at the same time challenges men to develop their relationship skills. I know you’ll dig this one.


  • Beginning of interview [4:30]
  • Terry shares how he came to be interested in relationship work [5:00]
  • What is “fierce intimacy”? [7:20]

[bctt tweet=”The way you keep a relationship real is to keep it dangerous. – Terry Real”]

  • The difference between a good man and a great man [12:30]
  • Advice for young millennial men [15:00]
  • What Terry says to women who are frustrated with their men [19:30]
  • A lot of men who wont do the work for themselves or for the marriage, will get it and rise to the occasion for the sake of… [23:00]

Speak softly, and carry a big stick. – Terry Real

  • 3 key steps for women to work with their shutdown men (this is very good) [26:oo]

[bctt tweet=”It’s one thing to complain about what you’re not getting, it’s a lot more vulnerable to receive it. – Terry Real” via=”no”]

  • Should women reward their man’s effort with sex? [32:45]
  • The design flaw in the way most therapists do therapy [40:10]
  • Parting comments [50:15]


Terry’s Books:

Terry’s Website 

Terry’s course: Love and Trauma

A simple tip to get your man to come forward:



Terry Real, married for over 30 years! is an internationally recognized Family Therapist, Speaker and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty five years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy — and greater personal fulfillment.

Dude’s got a very long bio, you can read more here.




  1. Thomas Bena

    Terry and Jayson–dynamic duo!

  2. Kelly O'Keefe

    This was great – lots of good info (for married people). What if you are divorced or just in a relationship with no kids or a marriage to be able to speak to when asking your man to get on board with you?

  3. feathercurls

    Great information, thank you guys!!

  4. Kristin

    Incredible information and so accessible! Thank you!

  5. Kristin

    I wanted to ask if I could quote Terry on something he said in the podcast and post it on my Instagram?

    • Jayson

      Of course! post it here to so we know what quote you liked!

  6. Sonia Yvette

    I love hearing from someone who has the marriage experience longer than 10 years.

  7. Darlene

    In a relationship for 2mo. Moved quickly. Great conversation. Honest. No sex I didn’t want confuse it. Being transparent because he came from NY I am from phx. He is torn . As we spend time it grows . I do I get him to get a decision to stay here. We both get scared. 55 and 60yr old’s

  8. Jenny

    Hello’. How does a woman dating a retired..USMC…PTSD…OCD suffering marine yo feel again?
    We date…but no touching…no words of adoration…not much of a way of going someplace to b together for longer than 4 hours…
    He calls several times a day…mayb 20 times in any given day! To me…it sounds like chkng up on me…2 failed marriages.. 4 sons & 1 newly found daughter in another country!
    Now I feel like withdrawing from this relationship bcause I feel helpless w/his medical problems…but he gets counseling…
    I just want t/normal things…touching…words of adoration…simple things…but I”m 70 yrs old…he is 57 yrs old…he sought me out & I know younger women hit in him…even in my presence!
    How do I help him b a bit normal?

  9. Alicia Hilbig

    How do these tips work with dating a man who compartmentalizes me? He says he loves me but a true 100% invested relationship just can’t seem to get off the ground. We’ve been doing this dance now for over a year!

  10. Yvette

    I’ve heard of picking partners like our opposite sex parent before, but didn’t know the underlying reason (for healing), other than we choose behaviours we’re use to. Thank you.


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