Jayson, Author at The Relationship School®

The 3 Evolutionary Drivers in Relationship – Dr. Keith Witt – SC 12

Man is this guy a force! I dive into a vibrant conversation with integral-psychotherapist and writer Dr. Keith Witt. Topics range from growth, depression, working with shadow, evolutionary drivers, marriage, parenting and much more. Bring a notepad for this one! And, get the rewind button ready…

SHOWNOTES:

Everything is relationships [2:33]
Rediscovering monogamy [4:20]
How to “make it” in long term relationship [5:05]
Getting aligned in your growth [6:15]

[bctt tweet=”“Being willing to grow means being willing to encounter your own shadow as it emerges” – Dr Keith Witt”]

Causes and cures of depression [8:40]
Different kinds of shadow [9:55]
The two characteristics of humans in relationships [12:43]
Understanding our kids’ motivations [16:45]
The Three Evolutionary ‘drivers’ in relationship (and pitfalls) [18;09]
Integral Mindfulness in relationships. [22:54]
Relationships and Kids – and tackling the challenges of it [26:13]
The transition to middle age [28:37]
What Keith Witt does in his relationships – “Romantic Fridays” [30:24]
The ‘evolution’ of our empathy [36:30]
The necessity of shame [39:30]

[bctt tweet=”“At some point, you have to decide to grow” – Dr Keith Witt”]

Secure attachment explained [47:15]
Developing mindfulness – learn to self observe [53:37]
Final Advice from Keith Witt [01:01:30]

ABOUT KEITH:

Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara, CA. for over forty years. Dr. Witt is the founder of The School of Love, where he offers his School of Love Lecture Series, blogs, Therapist in the Wild web-series, and Integral Conversations audios and videos on health, love, relationship, sexuality, spirituality, development, and psychotherapy related topics.

Keith’s work has explored Integrally Informed Psychotherapy, intimacy, human development, spirituality, and sexuality yielding five books (Integral Mindfulness, Waking Up, Sessions, The Attuned Family, and The Gift of Shame), three TEDx talks, and lectures and classes which he has taught across the U.S. Waking Up and its companion volume, Sessions, are two of the first texts on Integrally Informed Psychotherapy.

His popular audio class, Loving Completely, is offered through Integral Life. Keith has conducted over fifty-five thousand therapy sessions, led many groups, and has been a contributor to Integral Life and the Journal of Integral Theory and Practice.

In presentations around the country–including Integral Life’s What’s Next, Integral Theories Conferences, and his ongoing series, The Shrink and the Pundit with Jeff Salzman–Keith has explored love, intra and interpersonal relationships, and development from multiple perspectives, weaving neuroscience, Integral theory, wisdom traditions, and numerous forms of psychotherapy into a coherent cosmology of love and development. Check out his new book, Integral Mindfulness, his audio series Loving Completely, on Integral Life, and his website, drkeithwitt.com.

Alignment is the New Sexy – SC 11

People don’t trust you when you are misaligned. You say you’re “fine” but really you feel angry. Or you say “I love you” but your body language is saying something different. This causes people to pull back from you.

The more congruent someone is the more trustworthy they are.

We get really pissed when our partner is out of alignment. In fact, we even resent them over time. But that is often a reflection of our own misalignment.

In This episode you will learn:

Dealing with the ‘I’m Fine’ moment – Unlearning incongruency [1:33]
Alignment in your marriage and work [6:00]
Being ‘on the path’ to alignment [9:10]
Tool: Sharing the Impact of non-alignment [10:07]

ACTION STEP: If you have a close friend or your spouse who is misaligned, take a risk and share impact. I cover “how” in this episode. Wouldn’t you want someone to let you know if you were bullshitting yourself?

4 Premarital Conversations You Must Have – Jay Cadet – SC 10

This episode is key for millennials who are about to get married. Too many people skip this conversation prior to marriage.

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn:

How to tell the difference between honesty and reckless honesty.
The three criteria of honest communication
How to offer honesty without being critical.
One question to ask before saying anything ‘honest’
How honest communication without shaming can move your relationship forward
Learning to receive feedback well
The 4 conversations every unmarried couple needs to have (16:45)
How to create space for honest feedback
Dealing with arguments and conflict in an effective way
Knowing when and when not to seek professional help
How to have the ‘money’ conversation, especially for young people
Keeping things fresh and alive for the long-term
The importance of being friends with other couples

About Jay
Jay is a relationship coach on a mission to help unmarried, millennial couples learn how to better communicate and compromise, so they can feel not just ready, but prepared in their commitment to each another. When he’s not coaching his clients, he’s curating and hosting cool date night events for couples. He’s also the host of the popular A New Approach To Us: Couples Workshops and Couples Game Nights in New York City.

You can find Jay below and be sure to grab a copy of his ebook “4 Conversations Every Unmarried Couple Needs To Have [If You’re Serious About Your Relationship]”

http://co3studio.com/

Oh, and follow this dude on Instagram!

https://instagram.com/jaycadet/

SC 9 – Why People Have Affairs And What To Do If It Happens To You

Affairs are so intense.

When I was 20 or so I cheated on my girlfriend. When I was 32 or so I had an emotional affair. In this episode I share more about what I learned about myself during those and then I discuss why so many affairs happen and what you can do about it.

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn:

how to deal with your emotions
how to move past an affair quickly
how strong people take the path of personal development and growth after an affair
why it’s important to look in the mirror
how to recognize the “victim” mentality and re-empower yourself
how fear plays a crucial role in causing an affair
why coming back into your heart is essential to preventing an affair
effective methods for dealing with affairs

For more information, visit and CONNECT with resources mentioned in this episode:

Six Critical Things to Know About Affairs:

http://www.jaysongaddis.com/2014/02/six-critical-things-know-affairs/

What Affairs Tell You About You and Your Relationship:

http://www.datingskillsreview.com/ep-56-what-affairs-tell-you-relationships-jayson-gaddis/

Why Men (And New Dads like Tiger Woods) Have Affairs:

http://www.jaysongaddis.com/2009/12/why-men-and-new-dads-like-tiger-woods-have-affairs/

[sc:savemarriage]

SC 8 – When To Stay Or Leave + True Love – Annie Lalla

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn:

To see your partner as a sacred mirror and sanctuary for the growing your greatest actualized self
The true characteristics of a long-term partnership
How your partnership is the optimal container for complete transformation of yourself into the highest possible version imaginable
How to fall in love and why this is more important than being married
How to take radical responsibility for being loved in every moment of your life
How to actually get your needs/wants met in a partnership
How to know if conflict in your relationship is driving you toward or away from more magnificence

There’s a ton in this episode so dive in and go slow. You will also want to check out Annie’s blog post “Should I stay or Should I Go?” And, Here’s a great question from Annie to ask yourself if you are trying to decide to stay or leave:

Is the person I’m being called to become by what my partner’s asking me to become (if you take on the growth-development framework), will you become a more extraordinary version of yourself? If who they are asking you to become is a constricted, small, tight version of you, then this is probably not the person you want to be with.

However, if you identify as the smaller version of you, then, you are going to hear your partner’s feedback as criticism and blame and might make them wrong in the process. So, pay attention to these finer points. Here are two tweetable quotes from Annie. Just cut and paste on FB or Twitter.

[bctt tweet=”Falling in love is not safe to your status quo self. – Annie Lalla”]

[bctt tweet=”Relationship is designed to emancipate your from the smallest version of yourself. – Annie Lalla”]

About Annie: Annie Lalla has spent her life studying the labyrinthine world of emotions–mapping the complexities of communication & subtleties of relationships. A philosopher, speaker and a thought leader, Annie is known as the “Cartographer of Love”. With an Honors Science Degree, major in Human Biology & Philosophy (minor in Buddhism), her studies include integrative psychology, evolutionary science, neurochemistry, therapeutic sexuality & systems dynamics. Alongside explorations in mystic poetry, classic literature & metaphoric narrative are professional certifications in NLP, Coaching & Hypnosis. All these realms converge in her unique Relationship Coaching practice. There, she helps individuals attract, create and foster extraordinary connections that maximize freedom and minimize shame. Specializing in love, sex & conflict resolution, Annie teaches her signature method: ‘The Art of Fighting’. She sees conflict as a crucial part of intimacy development. ”Arguments are opportunities to understand your partner better, when handled with maturity & skill they can be used to bring you closer instead of farther apart.” www.annielalla.com