Are you telling yourself this story?
Do you believe:
“All the good ones are taken.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“No one really cares.”
“I’ll always be alone.”
And then wonder why it keeps happening…
Staying attached to this story keeps you in a victim mindset, making excuses about why things aren’t better in your life, why you are alone and can’t find someone.
If you get stuck in the blame or limiting beliefs, or invest here, you will keep playing out this story in your relationships, literally bringing it to life and even using it as a way to “prove” that what you believe is true.
Ouch! Sounds painful, right?
The good news is that you can use this pain to actually grow.
Bestselling author and love teacher, Katherine Woodward Thomas (who wrote “Calling in the One“) suggests that we have a choice: to keep repeating patterns and stories or get conscious and intentional to learn another way.
How do you learn another way?
As Katherine suggests, wake up to the narrative, challenge your view, and get intentional!
Whatever happened back then, happened. You can do NOTHING about it now. What happens moving forward, however, is something you can do something about.
You don’t have to keep investing in that old story (even if you feel like you do).
Dig deeper. Challenge yourself to find the places where your story is not true or the whole truth. Instead of only seeing how it hurt you (victim), ask yourself:
- How did this help me become who I am today?
- What did it teach me back then and now?
- What would my life look like if this hadn’t happened?
Be careful of copping out and making excuses like “It did nothing for me.”
See if you can slowly retell your story from a different perspective. Where are you still enslaved to that old story? Can you reframe the view of pain into wisdom gained from the experience?
As you withdraw your investment from the former account and start putting it into one based on inquiry and intention you literally make room for the story to change. This shift in mindset is essential to free yourself from limiting beliefs. And then you can actually use your mind as a tool! Set conscious intentions. Make different investments. Cultivate new resources.
Taking this kind of personal responsibility is a way to “grow yourself up”, to become the person you want to be, and to have the fulfilling relationship you want to have! That’s the true payoff.
Still need help with this process? Hire a Relationship School Coach to help you move out of that old story and into a place of empowerment and possibility.