Is your kid calling the shots in your home with their emotions?
Want to parent more effectively?
In today’s episode, I talk with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson on how to take back the power in your relationship with your child by setting boundaries. Dr. Bryson explains resilience comes from not bailing your child out when things aren’t going their way. It’s better to go through that difficult moment with them.
What’s our typical method of parenting?…
Typically when our child acts up we’re inclined to raise our voice or make threats – however, Dr. Bryson cautions us away from that. This can feel counterintuitive in your parenting experience at first, but that’s the purpose. You’re in the relationship school to learn new and better methods to handle your relationships. You have to start by exchanging your old methods for new ones. This is a part of doing the work – stay focused.
Here’s an example Dr. Bryson gave me in today’s episode…
She allowed her older son to stay up later because he had friends over, however her other son had to go to bed because he’s not allowed to be up late. This didn’t sit well with her younger child so naturally, he threw a tantrum. This can be a make-or-break moment for parents. Dr. Bryson reminds us, “At your kids’ worst, they need you the most.”
Once the child tries to counter our boundary (in this case it’s bedtime) we have to stand our ground! This is where most parents start to combat the child with threats or by raising their voice. Bryson is a proponent of utilizing empathy to show your child you understand their experience. The boundaries are still there but now you allow your child to deal and accept their experience and overcome their emotional tantrum rather than going back on your word, negotiating, or losing your cool.
“I know you’re angry right now, and that’s ok. I’m going to be right here with you the whole time,” a simple sentence like this can make a massive difference in the conversion. This method empowers both the parent and the child. It’s far better to view situations like this as an opportunity for your child to do an emotional workout. View it as one rep – eventually, as they grow, reps become easier and easier.
Due to this method, when your child grows up they will be able to manage their emotions and be resilient rather than not knowing how to deal with their experience. This is just one out of the many amazing lessons Dr. Bryson shared with us. If you’d like to grow as a parent (that includes single parents or those considering parenthood) then take a listen to today’s podcast.
- 4:15 Introducing Tina Payne Bryson and her new book
- 9:50 The ambiguity of good parenting practices
- 16:25 Interesting facts for parents to keep in mind
- 23:30 Attachment parenting
- 37:10 Children spending time on screens and isolating themselves
- 48:40 Is there a spectrum for secure attachment?
- 56:35 Advice for single parents to support their children in difficult times
- 1:03:20 Action Step