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Gender, Self-Reflection & Self-Care – Alexandra Solomon – SC 207

By Jayson
August 9, 2018

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In our modern culture we get all sorts of direct and indirect pressure to avoid introspection and digging into our histories. Gender norms teach men to avoid talking about their feelings, and sexy on-screen couples rarely have conversations about each other’s childhood suffering. But, according to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, engaging your partner in conversation about their past experiences is one of the best things you can do to keep your relationship sexy and exciting!

Dr. Solomon is a psychologist at The Family Institute and clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University. As a Relationship School® ambassador, she’s part of the movement fostering empathy through relationship for a better world.

In this episode (and in episode 136), Dr. Solomon educates us about “relational self-awareness” and how that pivotal skill makes strong relationships of all sorts possible.


Here are a few of the highlights:



      • Who is Dr. Alexandra Solomon? [6:00]
      • Alexandra Defines “Relational Self-Awareness” [8:00]
      • Are Some People Just More Interested In Self-Awareness? [10:00]
      • How Gender Norms Encourage Defensiveness [13:00]
      • Alexandra’s Theories About Why People Avoid Introspection [23:00]
      • How To Start Investigating Your History [31:00]
      • Why It’s Never Okay To Use Stories From Their Past Against Them [37:00]
      • Things Alexandra is Learning Her Own Marriage [40:00]
      • Why Self-Care It Vital To A Healthy Partnership [42:00]
      • Relational Themes Dr. Solomon Is Seeing Working With Students [49:00]
      • Getting Better At Relationship To Bring About Social Change [55:00]






Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University and a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University. In addition to writing articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family, she is the author of the book Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want (New Harbinger, 2017). Dr. Solomon maintains a psychotherapy practice for individual adults and couples at The Family Institute at Northwestern University’s Northbrook location. In addition to teaching and training marriage and family therapy graduate students, Dr. Solomon teaches the internationally renowned undergraduate course, “Building Loving and Lasting Relationships: Marriage 101.” Dr. Solomon is a highly sought-after speaker and media commentator on relationship topics.




  1. Rebecca Schneider

    Loved this podcast with DR. Solomon! I didn’t think the sound issue was bad at all ! This was engaging in the culture of the presentation being more of an intimate space. It was also cool being taped in Northwestern University Evanston Illinois. I like the comment about how (been sensitive to myself to certain television, movies or even commercials when my children were young ) that culture can condition early ideas. I believe in a lot of situations self-awareness conditioning behavior is learned in that media today. With negative impact. The upside to watching this podcast was like movie and you are doing it! So how about a movie engaged in these topics ? Could this be next? Lol This was very engaging and reinforced the importance of self-awareness in relationship. I think it was wonderful to have both you and your wife in this dynamic of the interview . Lastly your comment Jason on planting pod people of this sort of awareness in relationship haha. So I envisioned it as a garden of relationships and what that would look like . I guess it is your school! I talk highly all the time about what I’ve learned in these past few years to other people about the core to learning relationships is everything! Starting with ourselves. I wish we could all at once have to have a mandatory pod cast. lol to start our day. What a dreamy garden that would be 🙂
    Cheers and thank you!

    • meg@relationshipschool.com

      hi Rebecca, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings here. Glad you’re getting something of value from the podcast, thanks for listening =)


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