There’s no question cheating hurts like hell. Of course. It feels like such a mean thing to do to someone. You obviously ask “Why?” Or “How could you?” While understanding why is important, what eventually becomes more important is recovering and getting over the cheating. Here are a few tips on how to get over cheating.
Question: Once someone cheats on you should you walk away completely and let go, or do you think going through something like this could strengthen a relationship and create a deeper bond? Not sure where to draw the boundaries. When I found out about the cheating, I spent 3 hours trying to understand why. Am I being too understanding? I’d like to know what your thoughts are when it comes to getting back together with someone that cheated on you. Any advice?
- Spending $20 Billion on ‘love’ [3:00]
- What happens when it’s high stakes and you’re married with kids? [8:00]
- The surprising benefits to being cheated-on [9:00]
- How to re-establish trust after a boundary breach [12:00]
- Finding the opportunity in the crisis [14:00]
- Episode 37 – 28 Years Strong Even After Affairs
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- Facebook – Jayson Gaddis Fan Page
- Monogamy & The Smart Couple – Facebook Group
- How to Leave A Podcast Review
Thank you so much. I went further and listened to episode 37 as well. Putting my phone down for the night with a whole new sense of optimism, not just for my relationship with my partner (battling the aftermath of his infidelity currently), but for myself and knowing that I have access to the tools to have a successful relationship in the future whether it is with my husband, or someone new. Thank you Jayson, Satyan, and Suzanne for sharing your wisdom.
Amazing insights, thanks for sharing with us Stephanie, and for tuning in =)
Having an affair is wrong when you both agreed on an exclusive relationship or marriage. Unless it is an open relationship or marriage. I would rather end the relationship or marriage if i promised to be loyal, than have an affair with someone else. It is a huge betrayal, and it is heart breaking when the other partner finds out.
I have a friend who was on the verge of cheating on her partner, her reasons were that, he doesn’t tell her she is beautiful anymore, he never compliments her, does not buy her gifts, he doesn’t even know her proper shoe size. Then she met a man at the airport who told her she was gorgeous, then she forgets about her 12 years marriage and three children. And wanted to actually go on a date with the man. She said, he understands her the way her husband does not, he makes her smile and brings some sparks in her life. He finds her attractive, her husband doesn’t .
I advised her, do not go on any date with this man, it might start out like an innocent conversation, the gradually it begins to get personal and then you begin to think of this person in a way you should not. You made a vow to stay faithful in your marriage, instead i rather you talk to your husband about how you feel. He may not be doing it on purpose. If you do this, it doesn’t end in one date, before you know it, you become physically or romantically attached to this person while you are bound to another. Affairs causes more damage in ways one doesn’t realize.
If you don’t find fulfillment in your relationship, discuss it with your partner, unless it is an open relationship then you will not be betraying your partner. People who have affairs claim it just happened. i do not agree with that, affairs do not just happen. An affair is a choice , there is a threshold line in monogamous relationships and you choose to cross it. It is a bad idea to have an affair in an exclusive relationship because there is betrayal of the primary relationship, there is lying, covering your tracks and there is also worry (Will she/he find out?)What will people think when i am caught? when you have an affair, you are choosing to be out of integrity with yourself. If you think its a good thing, why do it in secrecy? If your relationship is awful, you either work to change it or leave it, you don’t have to hurt the other person by having an affair.
hi Jeremy, it sounds like you’re a highly moral person who lives with a great amount of integrity. I agree that the underlying issue that your friend needs to address lies within her marriage and that consciously choosing an affair won’t help things… and she sounds very lonely and unhappy. It amazes me how strongly a hold an avoidant-communication style has on a person, that some would purposely chose deceit and betrayal vs communication, truth, honesty. I’m sure having that conversation with her husband would be incredibly difficult, and maybe they’d need a Relationship Coach or Therapist for support as they figure out their next steps (stay and work on it, open up their marriage, separate, etc). Apologies that this reply is so late, and I hope that your friend received the support she needed. Thanks for sharing and listening – Meg
Let the skilled professional help you track and catch your cheating partner.
Last week my husband left his phone at home when he went to work. I thought it would be good to send a message to his colleagues to let him know so he wouldn’t worry. A moment later, a notification popped up from a woman on Facebook.When I entered Facebook, I saw that he was in dating groups and even posting! He is cheating on me but I was not satisfied with what I saw because he was very careful, they said they would continue the conversation on his WhatsApp, I tried to log on to his WhatsApp but it was locked.
I was curious to know what their chat was about, so I had no choice but to hire a professional hacker.
Yes, he cheated on me, I lost my vibes when he came back that night, first he said it was just for fun.
The next day he was in the shower and I was sitting in our room crying on the floor, yes I was heartbroken but at the same time I was relieved because I found answers to some questions because the person who was so “right”, the person I fell in love with was no longer there. He heard me crying and came to me and I kept asking “why” because he said that nothing was wrong in our marriage, he was happy. Then why? The answer was “for his ego” and that nothing physical ever happened, which may be true because he was always with me.
I decided to forgive him. Every day he says how sorry he is and that he never meant to hurt me like that.
Yes, I have forgiven him, but what is a relationship without trust.
I find myself trying to build trust with him but it’s not working if you know what I mean.
I would need some advice from someone who may have been in my situation, I would like to know how to handle the situation. Thanks
Hi Stephanie, so sorry that I’m just seeing this comment now and for all you’ve gone through, or are going through. I’m not sure where you’ve landed but if you want to save the relationship, we do have a course called “Relationship Rescue” that you could download today to start, and then reach out to either a Couples Coach here through the school or a couples therapist for support. I wish you all the best and hope that your heart is healing. -Meg