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How to Re-Parent a Triggered Partner – SC 137

By Jayson
July 3, 2017

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Dealing with a partner who is triggered can be difficult – especially if they respond negatively to your help.

Maybe you’ve been here before: your partner is upset about something, you do your best to give them some encouraging words or to calm them down, but no matter what you do, your partner’s gets more and more upset (or worse… now upset with you for trying to help).

If you’ve ever been in this situation before and want to know how to prevent it, this episode is for you.

How do we re-parent our partner, and meet them in regressive child-like states when they are triggered without infantilizing them? I find when I go into nurturing mode when my partner is triggered, he often responds with aggression, I think in part because it feels emasculating or patronizing, or possibly because he doesn’t feel lovable in those moments.
– Caitlin


  • Caitlin’s question [4:00]
  • Why do men get triggered when you try to help them? [5:00]
  • How to take care of your man without him feeling emasculated [6:00]
  • Learning how to help each other when you’re triggered [7:00]
  • What to do when your partner responds to your support with aggression [10:00]



  1. Liz OGrady

    Jayson, this is GREAT! So concise, so specific and useful! It’s great as a guide, but also as reference for examples of what can be said, and of concepts (like experiencing someone as a threat even tho’ they are coming from a place of being helpful). I also loved the reminder to “have these conversations when you are clear-headed, not in heat of the the moment.” I bookmarked this one and will be forwarding it a lot I think. Thanks so much! <3

    • meg@relationshipschool.com

      Hi Liz, you’ve just inspired me to listen to this episode, it was aired a little before my time with TRS. Thank you for sharing your experience and for tuning in and sharing the podcast with friends and family. Much appreciated =)


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