Saying “I’m sorry” is one way to try to repair after a relationship challenge, but it’s exceptionally limited. Not learning a new way to repair is like driving your car without tires. It works and can even get you places, but you’ll go so much further if you learn this one. Roll up your sleeves as I have a good challenge for you in this episode.
SHOWNOTES
- Why regular apologies are weak. [9:00]
- What you need to do instead of just saying “I’m sorry.” [13:45]
- A perspective that will empower you when you’re triggered by your partner. [16:00]
- The secret to apologizing like a pro. [17:30]
- Jayson’s challenge to the listener. [21:30]
Also, watch this modeling video here:
HELPFUL LINKS
- July 13 Web Class – Get The Most Powerful Communication Tool To Create The Best Relationships | Part 1 |
- SC 33 – Sharing Impact with Joshua Levin
- Roots Community Application
- The Relationship School – Learn More
- The Class You Never Got in School – SC 54
- Monogamy & The Smart Couple – Facebook Group
- How to Leave A Podcast Review
I know you said you have no plans on stopping your podcast but I wanted to make sure you knew that it was appreciated and sooooo valuable. I have been catching up on your old shows for the past few days and I just had to thank you somehow. I am looking forward to everything else you have to share.
Received. Thank you.
I’m listening to your podcast about “how to say I’m sorry” and want your opinion on the response….”sorry you feel that way”. I’ve gotten this a lot from my partner and it just feels like a big F-U!
Courtney, That’s BS. A cop-out. “sorry you feel that way” is another way of saying fuck you for having a reaction. A better response would be “Hey, wow, i’m really curious about the impact of my behavior on you. I didn’t know it was that hurtful. Thanks for telling me. Anything you need?”
Whoops !!! I always say I’m sorry you feel that way !! I will definitely practice being more curious about their impact instead of just apologizing for it.
nice owning/taking accountability… very cool. thanks for listening and take care, – meg
Courtney, I get that too; “sorry you feel that way”. It’s hurtful and disrespectful I felt. The last time I heard those words I replied right back with the following and it helped him realize what he was saying was worse than zipping it! I said, I’m sorry I feel this way too, I’m glad that I have more respect, care, and love for you to never disrespect you or say anything to hurt you as I feel. How you just said that, it really makes me feel worse and I do hope I never do that to you, because I DO care how you feel.
Thanks for sharing and listening Christine – I imagine you may enjoy the recent episode about sharing “I-statements” and “impact statements” (https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/navigating-you-make-me-feel-and-i-statements-to-build-trust-resilience-and-security-jayson-and-ellen-398/)