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Less Overthinking, Secure Functioning, and 2 Actions for Relationship Success – Stan Tatkin – 451

June 13, 2023


Renowned relationship expert, Stan Tatkin, joins Jayson and Ellen in discussing the concept of secure functioning and how it can transform your partnership. Introducing “In Each Other’s Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them” This is not your typical self-help book filled with abstract theories and jargon. Instead, it offers practical guidance and actionable steps to help you and your partner thrive.

Join us as we break down the complexities of couples therapy, emphasizing the importance of immediate action to stop the damage before delving into long-term growth. Witness the power of small agreements and the transformative potential of finding relief and care in each other. Gain insights into the mindset shift required to build a thriving relationship and move beyond self-centeredness towards genuine connection.

Don’t miss out on this enlightening episode that challenges conventional wisdom and offers practical strategies for building healthier, more fulfilling relationships.


  • 4:37 – In Each Other’s Care
  • 6:59 – Vertical learning
  • 12:56 – Building containers
  • 22:28 – Stop it or do it
  • 30:34 – What to do about threat buildup
  • 36:30 – Needing space vs. needing to talk
  • 43:09 – Couples therapy vs. individual therapy
  • 46:44 – Do attachment styles change over time?
  • 54:13 – Commitment
  • 59:01 – Stan’s advice for high school kids



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