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The 3 Evolutionary Drivers in Relationship – Dr. Keith Witt – SC 12

By Jayson
August 25, 2015

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Man is this guy a force! I dive into a vibrant conversation with integral-psychotherapist and writer Dr. Keith Witt.  Topics range from growth, depression, working with shadow, evolutionary drivers, marriage, parenting and much more.  Bring a notepad for this one! And, get the rewind button ready…


  • Everything is relationships [2:33]
  • Rediscovering monogamy [4:20]
  • How to “make it” in long term relationship [5:05]
  • Getting aligned in your growth [6:15]

[bctt tweet=”“Being willing to grow means being willing to encounter your own shadow as it emerges” – Dr Keith Witt”]

  • Causes and cures of depression [8:40]
  • Different kinds of shadow [9:55]
  • The two characteristics of humans in relationships [12:43]
  • Understanding our kids’ motivations [16:45]
  • The  Three Evolutionary  ‘drivers’ in relationship (and pitfalls) [18;09]
  • Integral Mindfulness in relationships. [22:54]
  • Relationships and Kids – and tackling the challenges of it [26:13]
  • The transition to middle age [28:37]
  • What Keith Witt does in his relationships – “Romantic Fridays”  [30:24]
  • The ‘evolution’ of our empathy [36:30]
  • The necessity of shame [39:30]

[bctt tweet=”“At some point, you have to decide to grow” – Dr Keith Witt”]

  •  Secure attachment explained [47:15]
  • Developing mindfulness – learn to self observe [53:37]
  • Final Advice from Keith Witt [01:01:30]




Dr. Keith Witt is a Licensed Psychologist, teacher, and author who has lived and worked in Santa Barbara, CA. for over forty years. Dr. Witt is the founder of The School of Love, where he offers his School of Love Lecture SeriesblogsTherapist in the Wild web-series, and Integral Conversations audios and videos on health, love, relationship, sexuality, spirituality, development, and psychotherapy related topics.

Keith’s work has explored Integrally Informed Psychotherapy, intimacy, human development, spirituality, and sexuality yielding five books (Integral Mindfulness, Waking Up, Sessions, The Attuned Familyand The Gift of Shame), three TEDx talks, and lectures and classes which he has taught across the U.S. Waking Up and its companion volume, Sessions, are two of the first texts on Integrally Informed Psychotherapy.

His popular audio class, Loving Completely, is offered through Integral Life. Keith has conducted over fifty-five thousand therapy sessions, led many groups, and has been a contributor to Integral Life and the Journal of Integral Theory and Practice.

In presentations around the country–including Integral Life’s What’s Next, Integral Theories Conferences, and his ongoing series, The Shrink and the Pundit with Jeff Salzman–Keith has explored love, intra and interpersonal relationships, and development from multiple perspectives, weaving neuroscience, Integral theory, wisdom traditions, and numerous forms of psychotherapy into a coherent cosmology of love and development. Check out his new book, Integral Mindfulnesshis audio series Loving Completelyon Integral Life, and his website, drkeithwitt.com.




  1. Jessica

    Excellent Jayson! I am loving these podcasts! Keith is on fire! I could *almost* keep up with all of it. It was so full. Will replay it and check out his website. I’ve been studying attachment theory (Sue Johnson, Marsha Lucas and others) and was excited when he started talking about secure attachment and attachment styles, etc. Such good stuff, he was really speaking my language and you were/are a great interviewer! Thanks for the great work and keep it coming!
    With respect,

  2. Lynette

    WOW! So much to take into my brain in a short amount of time. Every bit of information made an impact on me mentally and emotionally. I need to listen to this again to catch the bits I’m sure I missed. The subject matter was so deep I found myself tripping off into my own thoughts and experiences. I would pop back and realize I had missed some of the dialog.
    Very powerful and thought provoking.
    For me the bottom line is being committed to commitment. That is essential to growth and deep development.
    The second “boom” for me was when Keith put a mans need for sex into simple food terms.
    That made the male need for nourishment so palatable. My mind went off into the need for sensuality. Is the nurishment served on fine china or paper plates. Fine wine or iced tea. Is it prepared at home, take out, ordered up and prepared by “Debbie’s home style meals” eaten on TV trays, sitting on the floor, a restaurant or all of these and perhaps more. This was my mental metaphor. What’s on the menu Friday. Is subway at the foot of the bed ok so we don’t miss the real nurishment part of every Friday. [I’ve intentionally left out question marks because these are random pop up thoughts].
    The finishing Bam was the comment about Navy Seals and their success. My mind as a military brat and a military wife almost exploded. I have to figure out why that was such a huge trigger for me.
    I loved this interview. Dr. Witts mind roars and rushes like a waterfall.
    Thanks Jayson for another great big chunk of information. I’m starting to wonder if I’m becoming a relationship junkie. Does that fall under the category of addiction? I’m so going to Amazon to order this brainy book.
    Lynette J

    • meg@relationshipschool.com

      Hi Lynette, wow your comments have made me go back and flag the episode, I will definitely be listening to this gem. Glad you got so much from it and thanks for sharing. Your food metaphor definitely landed for me. Thanks for listening =)

  3. Theda

    This interview is SO rich! Thank you, Keith and Jayson! (I’m going to read “Integral Mindfulness” ASAP.)

    • meg@relationshipschool.com

      Thanks for listening Theda, I’m definitely going to look that book up as well just from reading the comments on this page. Take care =)

  4. Audrey

    Great podcast! Thanks for all these great resources and learning. Keep up the good work!


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