< This episode was a lot of fun. Terry Real brings the heat for women and men using what he calls “fierce intimacy.” While this episode is for both men and women, it is largely geared toward women who are with a guy who’s not fully on board. He has some great advice for women, while at the same time challenges men to develop their relationship skills. I know you’ll dig this one. SHOWNOTES:
- Beginning of interview [4:30]
- Terry shares how he came to be interested in relationship work [5:00]
- What is “fierce intimacy”? [7:20]
[bctt tweet=”The way you keep a relationship real is to keep it dangerous. – Terry Real”]
- The difference between a good man and a great man [12:30]
- Advice for young millennial men [15:00]
- What Terry says to women who are frustrated with their men [19:30]
- A lot of men who wont do the work for themselves or for the marriage, will get it and rise to the occasion for the sake of… [23:00]
Speak softly, and carry a big stick. – Terry Real
- 3 key steps for women to work with their shutdown men (this is very good) [26:oo]
[bctt tweet=”It’s one thing to complain about what you’re not getting, it’s a lot more vulnerable to receive it. – Terry Real” via=”no”]
- Should women reward their man’s effort with sex? [32:45]
- The design flaw in the way most therapists do therapy [40:10]
- Parting comments [50:15]
HELPFUL LINKS: Terry’s Books:
Terry’s Website Terry’s course: Love and Trauma A simple tip to get your man to come forward: jaysongaddis.com/helpmyman ABOUT: 
Terry Real, married for over 30 years! is an internationally recognized Family Therapist, Speaker and Author. Terry founded the Relational Life Institute (RLI), offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents around the country along with a professional training program for clinicians wanting to learn his RLT (Relational Life Therapy) methodology. A family therapist and teacher for more than twenty five years, Terry is the best-selling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (Scribner, 1997), the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women (Scribner, 2002), and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work (Random House). Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy — and greater personal fulfillment. Dude’s got a very long bio, you can read more here.
Terry and Jayson–dynamic duo!
agreed! thanks for listening =)
This was great – lots of good info (for married people). What if you are divorced or just in a relationship with no kids or a marriage to be able to speak to when asking your man to get on board with you?
hi Kelly, I’m not 100% sure I know what you mean, but this may be a good episode to check out and share with your partner to get on board: https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/if-your-partner-made-you-listen-to-this-podcast-sc-135/. Thanks for listening =)
Great information, thank you guys!!
Hi, thank you for listening =)
Incredible information and so accessible! Thank you!
Thanks for listening Kristin =)
I wanted to ask if I could quote Terry on something he said in the podcast and post it on my Instagram?
Of course! post it here to so we know what quote you liked!
I love hearing from someone who has the marriage experience longer than 10 years.
Thanks for tuning in and sharing your experience =)
In a relationship for 2mo. Moved quickly. Great conversation. Honest. No sex I didn’t want confuse it. Being transparent because he came from NY I am from phx. He is torn . As we spend time it grows . I do I get him to get a decision to stay here. We both get scared. 55 and 60yr old’s
Hello’. How do I support the person I’m dating, a retired U.S. Marine Core who suffers from PTSD and OCD to feel again?
We date, but no touching, no words of adoration, not much of a way of going someplace to be together for longer than 4 hours…
He calls several times a day… maybe 20 times in any given day! To me…it sounds like checking up on me… he has 2 failed marriages, 4 sons, and 1 newly found daughter in another country!
Now I feel like withdrawing from this relationship because I feel helpless with his medical problems…but he gets counseling… I just want normal things…touching…words of adoration…simple things…but I”m 70 yrs old…he is 57 yrs old…he sought me out; I know younger women hit on him…even in my presence! How do I help him be a bit normal?
hi Jenny, apologies for the delayed response. This sounds like a tough situation, and you sound like a very loving and compassionate person. If this situation is still at play between you, perhaps have him listen to this episode of the podcast: https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/if-your-partner-made-you-listen-to-this-podcast-sc-135/, it may inspire him to want to work on his relational skillset? Thanks for listening and sharing.
How do these tips work with dating a man who compartmentalizes me? He says he loves me but a true 100% invested relationship just can’t seem to get off the ground. We’ve been doing this dance now for over a year!
hi Alicia, I’m not sure how to answer as I haven’t heard this particular episode. I hope that you guys have figured it out or peacefully moved on, but just in case I’d suggest a couples coach (https://relationshipschool.com/myrelationshipcoach/) so you can figure it out together. Apologies for the delay in my reply. Thanks for listening =)
I’ve heard of picking partners like our opposite sex parent before, but didn’t know the underlying reason (for healing), other than we choose behaviours we’re use to. Thank you.
thanks for listening =)
Hello, my husband left. It’s been over a month since he’s been gone. He still comes over a couple times a week, and we talk everyday. I’m 11 years older than him. I have some health issues. So with sex I associated it with pain. So every time he tried to touch me I rejected him alot. Apparently he’s been unhappy for awhile. And wasn’t telling me. Then one day it all blew up. He laid everything out on the line. It tore me to pieces. Then I found out he was talking to another woman. A ex from 20 years ago. He’s says he’s stopped talking to her, he’s told me he would never cheat on me and meant it he’s told me that from the start, that he didn’t leave me for someone else, that he wasn’t running around on me. He’s a good, soft hearted guy. So I just can’t believe this is happening. He says that he just needs space to work on himself before he can work on us. How do I handle that he was talking to her alot or still maybe. Do I over look it and pray he’s telling me the truth or do I talk to him about it? And if so how? I’ve been making changes to the issues that he’s mentioned. He’s says his feelings have went sour. That he loves me but not with his whole heart. I also have a 16 year old stepson that went with him. That I’ve raised since he was 7. Do I talk to him about that? And how? How do I get him to drop his guard and get back into his heart? Please help! Thank you guys for this podcast, it’s great info.
Hey Crystal, I realize it’s been awhile since you left this comment and maybe the situation has changed or hopefully resolved peacefully. If you’re still in need I’ll suggest seeing a Couples Coach to try to help you reconnect on a heart level. It sounds like while he may not have cheated on you, he wasn’t being transparent with you about his needs or communicating well, so I’m sure that whether or not he cheated you could still benefit individually and as a couple from coaching. Click here if this seems right for you: https://relationshipschool.com/myrelationshipcoach/