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“I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You” -SC 25

By Jayson
November 25, 2015

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“I love you, but I’m not in love with you…”  Maybe you’ve heard this one before, or even said it yourself to someone you were breaking up with? I know I have in past relationships. If you’ve used this statement, or been on the receiving end of it, you need to listen to this podcast. There’s much more to the story. Find out by listening in…


  • A common statement in relationship, but the real meaning behind it [1:50]
  • A more honest statement to use instead [5:15]

[bctt tweet=”Love is the balance of opposites…when we embrace someone’s darkness and their light.”]

  • What is supposed to happen in a real relationship? [11:30]
  • What happens when we don’t learn how to love [13:45]


The Marriage Success Map

Definition of True Love [Blog Post]




  1. Paul Hardy

    I’ve recently been accused by my INFJ wife of 1.5 years of not being “in love” with her. She says she needs the passion and sizzle, but I admit that I don’t have it on a consistent basis. The infatuation level has never been that high, except at the very beginning. I believe in building love over time, but she doesn’t think we can without the sizzle. Are we doomed?

    • Jayson

      Hey Paul, She might be “caught” in the infatuation fantasy. The sizzle fades. Love is so much deeper than sizzle. Sure, try stuff to spark sizzle, but also try to relax into the bigger love. long-term partnership isn’t about sizzle.

    • Karin

      Yes, I also believe in building love. Alas, my ex boyfriend thinks he must be in love and when he is not, he thinks something is wrong. He says he loves me and I believe him. He keeps returning too. But I broke with him now. I cannot explain to him why his idea is not true.

  2. K

    You have no idea how much this validated how I’d been thinking/feeling about my failed relationship and my ex. I was the recipient of this phrase – by text – as well as comments suggesting he thought a relationship should always feel wonderful (with constant references to the way we’d come together when on vacation). He also had an affair, ran away as fast as he could when I found out and things got uncomfortable, and blamed me for everything under the sun. Thank you for this! It came to my inbox with impeccable timing….

    • Jayson

      You’re so welcome K! More good stuff coming your way…

      • Sheryl Blundell

        awesome I just left my email address. Thanks again. Great stuff here! good job Jayson.

  3. Kimberly

    Your message is spot on and so incredibly helpful for those who wish to live with awareness and continue to grow in love. I have become so much wiser and stronger following your relationship work. Thank you!

  4. Diane Hubbard

    I got this line handed to me by my ex along with Im lost angry depressed and really just need to work on me
    who then got into another relationship within 2 weeks of breaking it off with me
    fast forward 3 months and his relationship with that other person ended
    now we are FB friends and I have no idea what is going on with him
    but cant even begin to have a conversation about what happened with us and why he now wants to be “friends” because i cant trust that he is telling me the truth
    but of course as a woman i have spent quite a bit of time wondering and questioning what the hell happened and what his motives are for now wanting to be back in my life even on the peripheral
    I did exactly what you suggested and began to work on myself without him and have had to let go of that fantasy of a life with him
    Right on Jayson – once again thanks for the insight

  5. Kayla hill

    My lover has said he loves but he isnt in love. Hes admitted hes emotionally unstable. I am unsure if he truly isnt in love or hes trying not to get hurt like his ex wife has done in the past. We both have been hurt and i want him to realize I’m not going anywhere, I’m here with him for the long haul. I’m scared he truly doesn’t care as much as he lets on.

  6. Lisa

    I’m going through this right now. I need help!

  7. K

    After having such a wonderful time together I had a girls night out. When I returned I was a little bit drunk but we didn’t argue or anything. I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and he sneaked out of the house and drove off switching his phone off?? No explanation, no nothing! He says I’ve really hurt him and refuses to talk with me. A few weeks later he broke into my property causing damage and stole my dog. Leaving my daughter very frightened. I truly loved him for 7 years and just don’t understand what I did that was so wrong to be treat like this… please help!

  8. Fran

    wow it would be nice if he would even say that. He says we are fine, I said I feel he has disconnected emotionally he admits he did but he is fine with that. I am not, he no longer shares his thoughts or feelings with me but seems to think it is ok to share these things with female coworkers. I have asked if I did something to shut him down he finally admitted I did but he wont tell me what it was and he says it was years ago and he forgave me and let it go. I felt it when he detached, I asked back then he lied now he tells the truth but refuses to say what I did. 30 years of him resenting me and it shows. I will not likely leave, unless he says that is what he wants, mostly because we have been through the trenches and survived and also because I would never know the feeling of falling asleep next to warmth of a man ever again. I would never allow myself to be that vulnerable again to another man. I have remained open and vulnerable to my husband in spite of feeling unsafe because he doesn’t share himself with me.

  9. Jodixie

    I’m in a relationship for almost 5 yrs now with a married man. He has 13 y/o daughter and he says she is the reason why he can’t leave his wife although he told her this exact same line, he cares about her but not i love with her anymore. He moved out of their house 2x but after a wk, ended up going back because of his dtr. He keeps telling me he wants me to stay, that he loves me and wants to be with me. He is now seeing a shrink to help him make up his mind, he says. He says he’s doing this because he still wants to get out of there and eventually be with me so he asked me to hang in there for now. I know the right thing to do is leave, but a huge part of me dictates that I have to fight for this love we share. Help.. 🙁


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