Do you ever feel disrespected, disregarded or unappreciated, like your partner takes you for granted or doesn’t even care? Perhaps they talk down to you, belittle you, or walk all over you.
Maybe you’re in an abusive relationship?
Does this have you feeling scared, resenting, or blaming them and making them the problem?
“He’s doing this!” “She’s not doing that!” And on and on…
It makes sense. If I’m in a relationship with you, and you treat me poorly, my first knee-jerk response is to make you the problem. “You are doing this to me.” Grrrr.
No human likes getting treated badly, so I hear you.
However, when you’re struggling in your relationship complaining and blaming will only get you where you are currently getting–nowhere.
Pointing the finger at him or her and looking outside of yourself keeps you stuck in the victim seat and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to stay stuck there.
There is another way…
One of the first tools you learn here at the Relationship School® is personal responsibility where you look in the mirror to own and understand your part in the dynamic.
Because when you take responsibility for your situation, you can actually do something about it, which is the only way to get empowered. If I make you the problem (outside of my control), I can’t.
Try this instead:
And if you look hard and long enough, you’ll see the root of the issue lies in your self-worth.
That’s right, YOUR low self-worth is at the core of this painful dynamic.
If you want to get out of a relationship where you feel as though you are treated poorly, you have to be willing to value yourself more.
It’s not an easy fix. It takes effort. Most people would rather try and change the other person. “Hey, stop treating me like shit.” And that is a good boundary to set. However, if their behavior continues to be mean and you keep staying, you are dealing with a self-worth issue.
Remember, you’ve attracted this person to learn something. And that something is likely how to value and respect yourself.
Do some digging here. Find out where you don’t feel valued or are hard on yourself. Discover where do you feel unworthy, and get to know where that lives in you.
Your self-worth will determine your relationship fate… and by being disrespected, you are being challenged to invest in yourself. Right now.
Why would you expect another person to value you, when you are not willing to value yourself?
This is why people stay in hurtful relationships where they allow themselves to be treated badly. They keep wanting it from the outside first. Understandable, but it never works.
Make a choice. Do you want to keep doing this?
This is your opportunity to value yourself way more than you already do.
As you learn to value and respect yourself more, you get stronger and will no longer tolerate relationships where people are hurtful towards you. This doesn’t mean you won’t feel hurt at times or get hurt. It means you won’t allow yourself to be treated poorly. You’ll know the difference.
It starts with you, and it ends with you. That is personal responsibility!
And hey, we all have self-worth issues. You’re not alone. It’s normal. But don’t be another stuck victim. Take action now. You’re bigger and better than this!
Trust me, as you improve your self-worth you can have what’s possible: a great relationship with yourself – and with another!
Want to go further? At The Relationship School® we have a whole class dedicated to self-worth (so powerful!) and the steps to help you address your own self-worth issues.
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Photo credit: Ben White, Unsplash
You might also like this: How Do You Measure Your Self-Worth?
Thank you! This article was so timely it is uncanny. I have been feeling disrespected in my year long relationship and I knew I didn’t deserve that treatment. As of this morning we are officially broken up. I know I deserve so much better in a partnership/relationship.
I agree. For me too!
hi Christine, thanks for sharing this with us. Wishing you a very happy and healthy relational future. Thanks for listening
Thank you
thanks for listening Jen =)
great content!
After being married for 23 years my husband walked out. However, we do this little back and forth dance, where he keeps stringing me along without actually ever coming back to me, and I put up with it because I feel as shitty as it is, at least it keeps him in my life, and I’m not alone. Even if it’s not really a relationship to any stretch of the imagination, he fills that part of me that wants to have someone in my life who knows my stories and can commiserate with me about our kids or our jobs. And it means I’m not alone and I don’t have to put myself out there and try to meet someone new when I don’t feel very worthy. It is so hard to put myself first, because it means cutting that out completely and having nothing.
hi Juli, I can empathize with a lot of what you’re saying and also can’t help but share something personal here, something that may or may not help, but my dad always told me when I was growing up “kid, you’re always in good company when you’re alone”. That doesn’t mean that being “alone” is easy by any stretch, or not lonely sometimes, but it was hard for me personally to read your last sentence that says you have nothing if you put yourself first… you have you. I realize this comment is over a year later and maybe your situation is completely different by now (my apologies for the delay in replying, by the way) but I hope you have kept listening, maybe taken a class or a course with us (I wholeheartedly recommend Relationship Mastery; it sounds like you could really jive and benefit with the content and it could be life changing for you in a good way to see and feel your self-worth). I wish you the very best and hope that you get all the wonderful things this life has to offer you. Take good care and thank you for sharing -Meg
I am living with a person who says she loves me and is crazy about me but she chooses to use drugs and leaves me sitting around waiting for her to decide to come home.
I call sometimes and don’t even get an answer, but when she does answer she constantly says ‘I’m on the way home’. Hours pass by and still waiting for her. I keep telling myself if I didn’t love her the way I do I’d just leave and change my number and move away..
I struggle with being treated as an ATM because she has no income, but I keep paying for everything, even her drugs.
I feel like I’m a worthless piece of shit because I can’t find enough strength to just let go.
hi Shawn, thanks for sharing your story. That sounds really tough, I have to say. I hope that you’re reading this blog post, and perhaps starting to listen to some of the podcasts episodes or youtube videos might help you step into your inner strength and make decisions that align both with your heart and your values . If its possible for you I’d strongly recommend the Relationship Mastery course, it’s our signature course and can really help see the root cause of why you lack self-worth, and begin to heal some of the old wounds that are contributing to your lack of self-esteem. I hope this helps and I wish you the very best, and that we may be able to support you somehow.